Monday, November 15, 2010

A Second Chance

One of the things I wanted to do as a child -- and was strictly forbidden from doing -- was learn to dance.  I love the grace and beauty of physical movement.  I am also transfixed by the bright, colorful costumes dancers get to wear.  The femininity of dance costumes appeals to me like a flame to a moth.  I can't take my eyes off them.

Of course, I was never allowed near dance costumes, let alone in one.  My yearning for dance and its attire has had to remain from afar.

Two years ago, I wondered: would it be okay now for me to get closer to this childhood experience I missed?  I suddenly realized there is nobody stopping me, so I ventured forth in that direction...

I found online sources for dance costumes and purchased a few items.  They are deeply satisfying even just to touch.  Their physicality satisfies my longing in a way that can't easily be described.  It feel like, at last, I am able to be happy.  I am able to be myself.

I've often dreamed of taking dance classes and, in private, I've studied dance through books and practiced dance-movements.  I don't know how much further I can take this but I dream about dancing frequently.

Do you have any dreams from childhood?  Have you ever taken action to fulfill them?  How did that turn out?


  1. I always wanted a big doll collection when I was a kid. Particularly Barbies. My Mom was against Barbies, especially Blonde ones. Then my Mom got sick when I was 10 so my childhood was cut short. The only Barbies I had as a kid were Asian Barbies because they have Black hair and my Mom had black hair. Now as an Adult, my house is full of Dolls, especially Barbies with all different hair colors and ethnicities. They make me very Happy.

  2. I have plenty of dreams I am kind of working on... or at least they are still in my subconscious.
    One of them is becoming a teacher.
    I have been exploring the possibility of going back to school just for that.
    While growing up I was always told that teachers starved and that it would be a waste to go into teaching.

  3. Thanks so much for taking the time to read my old posts. That means a lot. I also like to do that on new blogs that I discover : )

  4. It was both informative and entertaining. I really enjoyed it, Emma!

  5. Oh, and I certainly understand your adult love of dolls. That's exactly the kind of thing I was getting at with this post.

  6. Teaching is not only an honorable profession, it's a very rewarding one. Helping people learn is hugely satisfying. Many of my closest friends are teachers. It's never too late, Lorena, to pursue your dream.

  7. I often stop and compare what I used to want to be, to what I've become. Sometimes the differences are good, but sometimes things are lost. It's good to refocus on occasion. Do what makes you feel free!!

  8. Nothing is stopping you from taking a dance class... there are lots of ballroom, swing, and salsa lessons available, or you could take jazz dance at a community college...

    It's not too late!

  9. You know, I'm sure you could even learn a bit if you watch videos on youtube?

    I think my dream.. well.. it's become one now, is to learn french. I dismissed it when I was younger since I already spoke a second language and found it too easy!

  10. Do you have a practical reason why you aren't ready to follow your dream further and maybe take a dance class? It could be something as simple as you can't comfortably fit it into your schedule right now - but what's stopping you from taking the next step? (pun intended)

    For years I have daydreamed about being able to sit down in front of a piano and just... play. I'm this close to signing up for lessons. Of course not having an actual piano at home is a wee problem, but I think we might be able to make do with a keyboard in the meantime.

    I just need to take that leap of faith~

    As far as I know darlin', you only live once. Do what you love.

  11. Nice pun, Fuzzy.

    And the answer to your question, and the similar suggestion of others, is... no, there is no practical obstacle. There is only a psychological one.

    In my mind, I still hear my parents yelling at me that this activity is not appropriate for a boy. That voice has frequently deterred me from doing fun things I love. I try to consciously overrule that influence and actually do "bad" things, like dance or post outfit-photos on this blog, but it's a struggle for me. A lifelong, difficult struggle.

    I was taught that not only are these things bad, but they will cause people to reject and hate me. I'm learning, through the responses on this blog for example, that that isn't true, but I worry about it anyway.

    Like all of us, I'm a work in progress. At least I'm moving in the right direction. I have to remember that most obstacles aren't real but exist only in my head. Talking about them helps a lot. Receiving positive support, like you guys have been giving, helps even more.

  12. I love the dreams you guys have been sharing. Learning to play piano, speak French, collect Barbie-dolls... all important stuff.

    Our adulthood is when we have the freedom (and usually the means) to realize our dreams. So we should. I'm preaching to myself as much as you. :)

  13. You should definitely follow your dream! Take some dance classes! I used to dance competitively until I hurt my back and I loved it so much, nothing compares to the freedom of dance.

  14. And your parents' position was just weird- who do the girls dance *with*? BOYS!

  15. I do not think I have any childhood dream that I can think of. I do have adult dreams which I recently started dreaming - Like you I want to learn Dance as well, have my own business, and yes - I remembered a childhood dream - I wanted to be a writer.

  16. good for you for fufilling your childhood dream! that takes immense amounts of courage and you deserve it. it's unfortunate that your childhood wasn't full of more support. that is the vow i made when my daughter was born. anything she wants to do, whoever she wants to be (with maybe the exception of being a murder or something, heh). i wish you luck in what you do. again: good for you for doing what makes you happy!! do it!

  17. The only thing I always wanted to be is a princess, haha
    Maybe you should just go for it and give it a try. There are also DVDs with dancelessons on them.

  18. I always wanted to join the circus. I started taking flying trapeze classes 6 years ago and got hooked. And now I'm performing aerial arts of all sorts.

    I used to be a gymnast and a dancer so doing aerial circus arts seems to be a perfect fit. It's gymnastics and dancing combined only it's 30 feet in the air!! And I was afraid of heights when I started. It's completely changed my life.

    I hope you dance. Just like that beautiful song by Leann Womack


  19. Tracy, you're an inspiration to us all!

  20. Ohh, I had SO many different aspirations as a kid!! I like too many different things to only do one of them. I REALLY wanted to be a cat psychiatrist as a kid. Seriously. I can look back and see how my childhood interests translate into things I'm still doing...I was always drawing, always writing, always into Barbies, always into hair and makeup (I can remember throwing my hairbrushes at the wall in frustration over my hair and breaking them so many times before I even turned 5 that my mom threatened to stop buying them for me). At least for me, Barbie didn't cause me any self-esteem issues...I learned to express my creativity by making up stories, decorating their houses, and dressing them.

    One thing I have never been good at and that has always caused me much trepidation in public is dancing. I'd like to learn how just so I won't be so afraid! We watched how-to videos before the wedding and practiced a little at home, but it didn't do either of us much good. haha I don't know if it's that I'm really not intuitively good at it or if it's just a psychological barrier. Glad you're reintroducing yourself to one of your childhood dreams!! I think that's so important.