Our society regulates many activities. If you want to drive, you need a license. If you want to practice a profession, there are laws to follow. In this environment, it was only a matter of time before fashion blogs came to the attention of our government.
Congress is currently considering legislation to regulate fashion blogs. A new law proposed by Utah Senator Orrin Hatch would bring fashion blogs under governmental control. Speaking at a press conference Wednesday, Hatch announced that "fashion-blogging has grown like a virus and implicates public policy." Senator Hatch opined that fashion blogs affect the beauty, health and welfare of our country: "My daughter tells me many women read these things and try new clothes based on what they show. That alone warrants our intervention."
Senate Bill 344:2 creates a new federal bureaucracy called the FBA (Fashion Blog Administration) and places blogs under its exclusive jurisdiction. The FBA will issue guidelines on appropriate content for blogs; for example, it will annually determine which color is "the new black." It will also require shoe-manufacturers to expressly label the height of their heels. "We've been getting a lot of complaints about these so-called 'platform heels' which make shoes appear to have a higher heel than they really do," Hatch noted. "Consumers are entitled to full disclosure of heel-heights."
FBA Chairperson-nominee, Edith Bunker of Queens, said she plans to ban the mixing of plaids and "this crazy new idea of wearing socks with heels." "It's just wrong," she declared, adding that most Americans welcome guidance on wardrobe issues. "If you look at all the teenagers wearing pajama-bottoms to school and the mall, you know we have a problem," Bunker stated. "And don't get me started on those Uggs," she added.
Generating significant controversy is the new law's proposal to mandate licensing for bloggers. Anyone between 18 and 40 years old will be required to obtain a government blogging license and display their license number prominently on their blog. Bloggers over 40 years old are exempt from the requirement since, as Senator Hatch explains, "nobody reads their blogs anyway."
Also guaranteed to stir controversy is a plan to tax the number of followers a blog has. An initial annual tax rate of $2.05 per follower will be imposed on the blog-owner if the measure passes. "We need to control blogs from getting too big for, as we learned in the banking industry, 'too big to fail' is a major problem. Blogs with hundreds of followers pose risk to society due to their outsized influence. Or should I say, 'plus-sized' influence," Hatch joked.
Reporters at the press conference observed the new law uses female pronouns exclusively and questioned Senator Hatch on this. The Senator stated that his staff surveyed existing fashion blogs and found no men using them. "Actually, if you think about it," he said, "a man having a fashion blog is just weird. We see no need to extend the law to men."
Opposition to the new law was announced Thursday: a group called the AFBU (American Fashion Blogs Union) vows a court challenge to what it labels an unconstitutional restriction on sartorial freedom. AFBU Executive Director Rory Gilmour explained, "fashion blogs are part of the fabric of this country. Women have been talking about clothes since Betsy Ross sewed our first flag (and several cute outfits). The government should keep its nose out of our closets. Besides, we don't dress for men anyway...".
Swift passage of the law is expected next month due to bipartisan support in both the House and Senate.
What do you think? Do you support the new law?
LOL! You are tricky! Have a great and devious April Fools.ReplyDelete
OH MY GOD.ReplyDelete
I totally thought this was legit.
You trickster, you.
You are such a smooth talker!! I read this whole thing thinking it was real! Ugh AND you warned us you would be pranking :PReplyDelete
OH MY GOD! You had me ... That is probably because over time we all have come to trust you with the content of your post ... but this was good! :)ReplyDelete
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Lol I have just read this post at 2:15pm BST and I didn't realise until I got to the bit about socks with heels before I realised I'd been fooled.ReplyDelete
Well done Shybiker, you got me!
Edith from Queens...That bitch. However, I fully support her stance on pajama bottoms and Uggs...ReplyDelete
If you hadn't post the warning, I'd totally believe that!! Happy April Fool's day - very clever!!! Kisses buddy!ReplyDelete
The lawyer has spoken ;)ReplyDelete
April Fools!! I love this. I was giggling the entire time... you're a wonderful writer!!
I'm going to send this to all my friends and see who falls for it!
This is fantastic, Ralph, well done! I actually barked out loud with laughter over my oatmeal this morning. :)ReplyDelete
Happy April Fool's!
hahahaha You're brilliant, my friend. WAY too well-written - so much so, in fact, that it's easy not to catch the Edith and Rory references if you're not paying close attention. My favorite parts were that nobody reads blogs written by people over 40 and that a man having a fashion blog is just weird. Today started out a bit rough for me, but this, this absolutely made me crack up!!! So thanks. :)ReplyDelete
Only a lawyer would be able to pull off this joke.ReplyDelete
Good April Fool's Joke :) You had me until the start of the fourth paragraph and then I remembered what day it was! You're an excellent writer.ReplyDelete
Hahah Shy you got me! I was just about to start ranting and raving about how I'm glad I'm not an American ;) You tricky lawyer you!ReplyDelete
I Love this April Fools! Too Cute.ReplyDelete
I'm glad I got my warning email first. ;)ReplyDelete
WOW love it :)ReplyDelete
If it makes you guys feel better, I got pranked myself this morning. I got an e-mail from The Vermont Teddy Bear Company saying they are moving to Florida. I believed them! Then I realized it was a joke.ReplyDelete
Nice... nobody reads bloggers over 40!ReplyDelete
You pulled off a great April Fool's blog
HA!! Good one. xo, TracyReplyDelete
We've grown like a virus. Ha ha. I love this. It could almost be true.ReplyDelete
Oh this is terrific! Definitely read the first couple of paragraphs believing it...(wouldn't actually be too surprising for congress to try to regulate blogging at some point!) And then I remembered you wrote this yesterday. Good one!ReplyDelete
I nominate YOU for head of the FBA and I am so relieved that I'm too old to buy a license!ReplyDelete
You are a clever, clever man. Should I share with your bloggers the April Fool's Day prank you played on me? Hey Shybiker Bloggers, he left an envelop opened (addressed to him) from the TLC show "What Not to Wear" accepting his invitation for his wife to appear on the show. Brilliantly written. He went to a lot of trouble to create a completely believable stationery heading. And then he left it opened on the table...Double-pranked! He's a lot of fun to have around, I have to admit...ReplyDelete
You should submit this to the Onion! Brilliant!ReplyDelete
LMAO! This was too funny! And I agree that you should submit this to the onion!ReplyDelete