Saturday, March 12, 2011

Seven Secrets

I recently made a new friend, Dimi, an enthusiastic new blogger in Greece.  She's a lovely woman and quickly leaped into my affection.

Dimi's hometown looks like the kind of Greek resort where movies are made -- a place with ancient white-stone homes built on seaside cliffs where Julia Roberts visits to escape a bad marriage and unexpectedly falls in love with a handsome Greek waiter...

Dimi has a cool job -- she rides in a helicopter over forest-fires and helps translate among the rescue-workers.  It's exciting, dangerous work but Dimi is up for the task.  She's strong and courageous and even a little irreverent.

Dimi just tagged me with a game called Seven Secrets in which she (and now I) must reveal seven private facts.  You guys know that, for me, that isn't hard!  Anyway, I'm grateful to Dimi for the excuse to confide and hope you'll visit her blog.  Although she only started blogging in January, she's very active and I've seen her comment on dozens of blogs by mutual-friends.  Her input is always valuable and interesting.

Here we go!

1. I'm open about my transgendered nature to anyone who can handle it.  Some people can't, so I don't impose the burden of wrestling with it on those people.  I'm cautious about disclosing this information until I've felt someone out and believe they can accept it; deciding whether I can tell someone is often a delicate matter. 

2. I want to tell people who I am.  I hunger for real relationships based on true candor.  I haven't always had that; to the contrary, during most of my life, I felt I needed to hide who I am.  That's what my parents taught me.  I never adopted their belief that it's shameful, but I did learn deviance isn't widely-tolerated.

3. Often, the hardest situations are with people I've known for years.  With someone new, if they don't like me after I tell them, it's no loss.  But with someone I've known as a friend for ten years, I can't bear the prospect of losing their friendship, so I'm extra-careful.

4. I've learned from experience that women are more accepting about this than men.  I'm not sure why -- do you have a theory?

5. I believe that you can tell a lot about someone from which section of the Sunday newspaper they grab first.  I always head for the Style section.  How about you?

6. I have a domestic streak that is deep and undeniable.  At parties, I have to restrain myself from helping to clean up with the other women because, whenever I do, it makes people uncomfortable and causes them to crack dumb jokes about traditional gender-roles.  I still help but I've learned to do it in subtle ways that don't draw attention to what I'm doing.

7. My favorite joy is surprising the people I care about with unexpected presents.  One of you -- and I'm not saying who! -- has a tripod on its way.  It's dangerous to tell me you need something...

Have A Great Weekend!


  1. Hmmm... I think the reason why women are more accepting is because we have been conditioned to be. If that makes any sense. Just from my social psych classes, I learned that gender roles are really apparent in society and taught to children. Women tend to be more compassionate, caring and accepting then males. I hate saying it though because I would love to think that there's no such thing as "gender roles" and we can be whoever we want to be.

    These are great confessions hun. I love your honesty.

  2. OMG!! I didn't even know I'm all that! You make me blush and want to hide under my bed for a while...! You're the sweetest and kindest blog-friend/sister ever! Thank you a thousand times!
    I share some of your secrets too!
    I read politics and zodiac signs in the newspaper!
    Why men act like that...hmmm - That's a loong conversation!! (I partly agree with Ashelle though! Very accurate remark!)

    Many many kisses!

  3. I agree with ashelle on why women are more accepting. I really enjoy learning more about you so thanks for opening up to us.

  4. I think women are usually more accepting in general; however, I think that if the situation were reversed and it was a physical female confessing to be mentally a male they would be... how do I say...not necessarily less accepting but less interested because that is somehow threatening and foreign.

  5. ...i fully understand you, my brother is a gay, one day, when an xbf hurt my feelings, he said, " even if I am a gay, I can talk to you man to man, I love my sister very much, you have no right to hurt her", until now those words brings tears to my eyes(im sorry!=(. i know until now my dad can't accept it neither my mom. but we had fun together , he loved dressing me like a doll! on no.4, i believe that is true, my other bro always says that our lil brother for him will always be a man.I don't know either, we women just have softer feelings inside i guess!re Demi- a very adventurous job, i love doing something like tht=)

  6. Great confessions - I totally know what you mean about being able to be candid and open. You're a pretty awesome person, no matter what gender. :)

    Dimi, wow, that would terrify me!

  7. Thanks again for having me Ralph! And I'm commenting again to say a big THANK YOU to your other readers that sent their lovely comments!!

    p.s. @Sheila - It terrifies me too my dear!! But it's one of the most rewarding jobs I've ever had! It feels great to know that you're doing something nice that helps others as well!

    Kisses to all!

  8. I'm always happy to read more about my fellow bloggers! I think the reason for women to be more accepting is twofold at least: 1, they understand what being a woman feels like, 2, they understand what being part of a (somewhat) suppressed group feels like. Add in the (patriarchal) conditioning to be caring and accepting, and the (anti-patriarchal) struggle to reject roles anyway (women's roles have become much more diverse than those available to men, consequently men could feel more threatened by "one of them" breaking out of the role and turning to one that, within the patriarchal system, is cast as inferior)...

  9. My sister was with her estranged hub for almost 30 years and there are things about our childhood she still fears he will find out, and although we had no control over it, will use it against her. Sad, how can those we allow to get so close cause so much damage.

    I absolutely admire your honesty and guts in sharing here in a open and public area your truths.

    You rock :-)

  10. Fantastic "interview"! I always grab the style section first too:-)

  11. How interesting... I always grab the last section of the paper which are classified ads and judicial... i love reading it. Am i weird ?

  12. Fab answers, Ralph. I adore you and it's always a pleasure to find out more about you.

    I'm the same way. If my friends say they need something, I find a way to make that happen.

    You are a wonderful and special person. I'm so happy to call you my friend.


  13. Number three hit me like a ton of bricks. "Often, the hardest situations are with people I've known for years." Currently dealing with something that falls under that statement. Why is that, you think? I'm afraid we don't always know people as well as we think we do... But if someone can quit on you so easily, then I suppose they weren't really a genuine friend to begin with. A sad truth, but a truth nonetheless.

  14. Yes, Meg. This situation does make us re-examine our past and re-consider what we may have believed then. Such situations can have similarities so, if it helps, feel free to write me and talk about it. Maybe we can offer each other advice, gained from hard experience.

  15. Some men are less accepting because they have it so ingrained in them to be "masculine," and anything that isn't makes them feel threatened. I think it's usually the people who are most repulsed by something that have the deepest issues themselves. However, I'm proud to have a husband and family who are far more concerned with being good people than trying to define themselves as males. My dad always did the laundry. My husband does 97% of the cooking.

    If you want to help clean up at a party, do it. If the other men tease you, it's only because they know that helping out makes you look better than them, and they don't want to do it, so their only recourse is to joke about roles. In a crowd of people who don't know your situation, I'm surprised you haven't heard more things from women like, "Finally, a man who helps around the house!" In my circle, men who help out and clean up are revered by all the women!!

    P.S. I need a winning lottery ticket! lol

  16. Gender conditioning. That's why I think more men are less accepting. Off on a tangent here but according to a study, women are more likely to have casual flings with other women or profess attraction to other women much more easily that men can do the same. Probably because of more gender conditioning. It relates to the idea in society that girls who like girls are experimenting or waiting for the right guy, therefore not to be taken seriously whereas guys who like guys or who have ever done anything with a guy are considered 'weak like women' and mocked severely