Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Female Life

Today's Topic:

Do You Believe In Marriage?

Do You Want To Get (Or Remain) Married?

Do We Need To Be Married To Be Happy?


  1. 1. If it's what you want - yes. I believe in it as a private & personal committment, a way to honour another person you really love - not as a big frou frou celebration with a foofy dress and sticky white cake.
    2.I already am and yup, I sure do.
    3. No way.

  2. I do believe in marriage. Growing up with loving Disney movies has left me with the dream of falling in love with my prince charming. The part about living "happily everafter" is still there but now I know relationships require work. Like, I know that those little annoying habits of my love's will not go away because I ask or get mad, I just need to deal :) because what I love about him is more important then his habit of leaving dishes on the table.

    For me, I do want to get married. For my love, marriage has a different meaning. He comes from a divorced parent dynamic and certain events have shaped his view on marriage. As we are now, we are as committed to eachother as I would imagine and dream a marriage would look like. Marriage will come when it is right. If it doesn't happen, I am greatful for what we have.

    I don't believe marriage equals happiness. Espically in today's society where it appears to be more of a statement or status. The wedding industry is such a huge raquette.

  3. 1. No.
    2. Not really.
    3. Of course not!!

    But, that's just my opinion! I have nothing against people that do get married!! Kisses :)
    (Nice topic - I'm curious for the answers...)

    P.s.-Can we add: 4.Why did you get married? (for those that already did? - I'd be curious for their answers as well!) Kisses again :)

  4. 3. No. Even my very pious Catholic aunt (who when I was still single at age 19 asked me, worriedly, whether I ever intended to have a boyfriend) is known to have said "Single life is just as valuable as married life." - and, I want to add, it can be even happier, depending on the individual's needs. If a person needs lots of me-time, even moving in with a partner can be difficult.
    2. Maybe. I haven't found out if I'm one of the me-time people yet.
    1. Difficult to say. I believe that the traditional concept of marriage, the heterosexual one with kids as the ultimate goal and all the huge expectations of romance and happily-ever-after surrounding it, is a flawed and out-dated concept and should be abolished. I do, however, believe that marriage can be reclaimed as signifying lifelong commitment of partners regardless of their gender/orientation/intention to have kids. Which is very romantic in its own way, of course.

    At the same time, I know that I at this point in life consider marriage only under practical aspects: As a heterosexual female, I am in the positively privileged position that I can officially get married, and that marrying would save me and my partner tax money regardless of whether we have kids (which is kind of unfair, because that's what the tax cuts for married people were originally for, and should be - they should make them for parents, not for married couples). On the other hand, I am negatively privileged in that - being a heterosexual female - marriage is fraught with lots of cultural expectations that feel like a cage to me: Some people will start asking me (and primarily me) when (not if) we intend to have kids. Some people will be assuming that I am responsible for the upkeep of the household (and judge me for its state), etcetera. Given that I probably don't want kids and that it's culturally still so associated with marriage, I don't know if or when I want to get married, even though my relationship definitely has long-term intentions. If I did, I feel like it would only be for the tax savings, which are unfair anyway... so - conflicted.

  5. 1. I am not sure about the word 'believe'! Marriages exist and they are quite visible to everyone so they better believe it (I know I am getting a bit too technical here) ... I think what you might mean is if people have 'faith' in the institution of marriage or not ... anyhoo, I know that's not the point of the post so I will move on. I was never averse to the idea of marriage. Was surrounded by married people all my life. In my whole life of 29 years I have only known one couple who have been divorced in my family. So the question of ever doubting is never arouse.

    2. I definitely want to remain married. Luckily my husband is a wonderful man who is funny and loving. So it only means that I am in company of a good man for the rest of my life. No point being lonely if you have a better option, right? :)

    3. No. I do not think anyone 'needs' to get married to be happy (or anything else either)! I recently wrote a post saying that 'Happiness is a decision and not a by product of anything'

    4. (For dimi) I really have never thought about 'why' I got married. It might have a little something to do with the culture. We (Indians) are conditioned to follow these steps in life ... However, I do remember wanting a companion to enjoy and share life with. Luckily I found someone nice and it just seemed a natural course of action!

    Got a bit serious for early morning Have a good day!

  6. lol this is a fun little post. MMMM cake..

    I do believe in marriage, in the fact that it can happen, it's hard work, but it's also not for everyone. I believe in marriage for the right people.

    I do want to get married. I have been with the person I love for long enough that I feel marriage is something for us.

    I also do not think we need to get married to be happy. Because I have been with Kyle for so long, and we are not currently married, but I am happy. I want to, but if it never happens, i would be sad, but I would be more happy knowing that I am with the one that I love regardless of a ceremony.

  7. I believe in marriage. I grew up with a family where everyone is married(there are no divorces in my family).
    I do want to get married. And I only want kids whem I'm allready married. It's ok for me when people don't want to get married before they have kids(or don't marry at all) but it's just not something I want.
    No I don't need it to be happy, I'm happy to be with the one I love. That's all that matters.
    No I don't need it to be happy. I'm happy with how things are now

  8. Great questions.
    I do believe in marriage but also believe that marriage isn't for everyone. I don't think people should rush into marriage or marry people 'just to be married.'
    I do eventually want to be married and start a family, but I'm in no rush. And if marriage isn't in the cards for me, I'm ok with that too. My bf and I are in no rush to tie the knot and are happy being ourselves in our own separate houses.
    I don't think I need to be married to be happy... so many other things make me happy.

  9. I believe in marriage.
    I was devastated when my marriage ended.
    I 'live' with le man and wanted to get married, because of my personal beliefs system, but the longer we're together, the less I'm wanting to marry him - even though I do believe, despite him knowing my beliefs, he won't propose. What mucking fuddle. BUT - I DON'T BELIEVE MARRIAGE CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY - ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY - EVERYTHING ELSE IS SECONDARY.


  10. I want to get married NOW! ML gave me a bridal magazine and I've been leaving it around the house, highlighting things and trying to be sneaky! My parents were married when my Mum was 22 (my age) and I am ready to take that next step and at least get a ring on my finger! I don't think you need to be married to be happy but for me it's something I want to do, I found the right person and I want to start a new chapter of our adventure together!

  11. If you'd have asked me this question two years ago, I'd tell you no, I don't believe in marriage, no, I don't want to get married, and no, I don't need to be married to be happy. So many marriages end in divorce, anyway, and really that's just to be expected. Marriage doesn't mean anything. It doesn't finalize a relationship or the feelings involved. No one can honestly say, "I love you, and I always will," and truly mean it. You don't know what may happen down the road. Besides, humans are animals. It's impossible to expect someone (or something) to stick to one mate for the rest of their life.

    Now I'm not so sure. Being in a real relationship changes things. I guess I won't know if I believe in marriage until I actually get married. Is the feeling different than just being committed to a long-term relationship? I doubt it. And I've discovered that being in a relationship doesn't make me any more or less happy. I was happy as all shit when I was single, and I'm happy now, too. The things that MAKE me happy, though, have changed. I've begun to appreciate the little things more since I've been in a relationship. I'm able to relax. It's a more genuine kind of happy.

  12. Before I found Mr. A, I figured that I would die alone and be eaten alive by my cats, and I was fine with it. I didn't need a guy to make me happy. I was kind of a slut, and I had, like, 7 guys I was dating at a time. I loved it. I'm an attention whore. Until one night I came home at 3 a.m. and realized that, even with all of these guys, I was still coming home alone and laying in my bed alone and waking up alone and going through my entire day alone ... and it was depressing. That was when I knew I wanted a relationship.
    I never wanted to marry anybody until I found Mr. A. Now, I don't want anything else. <3

    Twitter: @GlamKitten88

  13. This is a tough one. I enjoy being married but sometimes miss the freedom of being single. What is cool about being single is that your house will stay how you left it and you don't have to clean up after anyone and you don't have to worry about anyone but yourself. I know this sounds silly but it is one of the perks of single life lol. You can also always watch what YOU want to on TV. The perks of marriage is that you have someone who loves you and you will never be bored or lonely.

  14. As you know, I came out of a SUPER awful first marriage and still believed in it enough to finally remarry...and I am thankful every day that I did. We were together about six years before getting married, living together for four, and honestly I didn't think that the actual "being legal" part would change anything in the way we felt. We were as committed as possible already without that. But I must say, the FEELING deepened somehow, when I thought there was no way it could. Somehow it reinforced that we're a team, we're fighting through the day-to-day for our life goals because there's no one else we want to achieve them with, and somehow having him as my husband instead of my boyfriend or fiancée has deepened my feelings for him even more. I don't necessarily think people "need" a ceremony, but honestly there is something very special about that sealing of the deal in front of the people who love you, publicly declaring, "This is my partner for life." Our wedding was nothing like the insanely-priced ones you see on TV (barf) but was the best one I've ever been to :), and it was so US.

    It IS work. No question! Anyone who thinks it's easy all the time is fooling themselves. But...I have to say, now that we've been together a while and have really learned each other and gotten over all the hard adjustments in the beginning, being with him IS pretty easy. I think we become more and more like each other the longer we're together. And he's someone I'm proud to emulate because I respect and admire the kind of person he is. I want to grow old with him and keep having as much fun together as we do now. Had we gotten married earlier, I think I'd have struggled more because I had baggage to put behind me from the first one that took me years to fully put away...and when we did get married, we went into it each being whole, complete people on our own, and I think that's so important. When you're married to somebody you can talk to, laugh with, be entertained by, and be real with (even letting them see your dark parts), there's nothing like it. We aren't co-dependent and still have our own separate interests too, and that's healthy.

    Having said all that, I think there are some people it's not right for, and I don't judge that. And whether a person desires to be married someday or not, they should never judge their worth on whether they are single or not. It's unwise to marry because you're running away from something or hoping that it will fix your problems. Marriage can certainly bring you happiness if you're compatible but shouldn't be your sole source of it. Sometimes I think America went from idealizing marriage (like the Disney syndrome) to being completely jaded by it due to the divorce rate. But there can be a balance. I think the people who are getting married today by and large are sticking together and are happier than previous generations; as a society, we've seen the mistakes of others and seem to be going into marriage with open hearts again but also open eyes.

  15. Do You Believe In Marriage?
    Yes I believe in making a commitment to someone and if the side effect is legal protection when things go awry then thats a huge bonus. (In the uk there are same sex civil partnerships but they are not marriages - I think thats a shame, I wish there were equal rights on this).

    Do You Want To Get (Or Remain) Married?
    I am married to Mr Sebbie (aka That Man) and even though he can infuriate me he is my best friend and I can't imagine life being in any way better without him.

    Do We Need To Be Married To Be Happy?
    No! I'm sure some people are happier single or cohabiting but for me its the right thing.

  16. 1. I believe in marriage, both in a religious and civil way. If any adult couple wants to be bound together, they should be able to do so.

    2. I am married - 14 years as of a week today - to a wonderful guy. I feel extremely lucky every day to have found him. He is my best friend. I would rather spend time with him than with anyone else.

    3. No, absolutely not. I spent 5.5 years in a common-law marriage and then nearly a year sorting myself out again after that. It wasn't until I was good with being with myself, alone, that I could even think about being with someone else again. When I met L, I knew that I wanted to spend my life with him.

    (You might like this, Ralph, as I know you have a romantic heart: my hubby and I just watched "When Harry Met Sally" again last week and when Harry says at the end, "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." L and I just looked at each other. *smile*)

  17. omg...
    yes, i believe in marriage even before i was a kid, i thought it was to be it. as said, a woman is published 3x in her life in the newspaper, 1. birth 2. marriage 3. death.
    i was so traditional that i thought we should get married and so, being organized and careful, i made it complete (w/o any disgrace)..then i realised, there's no perfect marriage, its a compromise....maybe if not for the so called pattern i prefer to be single and just hv 1 kid...but having a husband is different, i hv a bestfriend, yet he could be my best enemy.. i feel i can lean on him when i need to cry, or i can pour all my pain bec i see him as my strength/bouncing wall...i feel so lucky that he is faithful and adores me each day, life could probably be misserable if he is the worse kind...i think being married is you have a security and committment, you hv a partner legally attached to u that if bad things happen, you will not be left anytime bec of the legal responsibility other than love...marriage makes things not easy to let go but gives us the reminder to find a solution....it gives us dreams , (yet it gives me the worse possible sadness if he dies)..i don't knw why im so worried about death in the future...we do not knw wht will happen tomorrow and i hate to say marriage can hurt us too much or make us happy either way...

    For Women(fr the book of Candace Bushnell)-"from now on, your life with your husband is your job. It's more than a job, it's a career. Your husband makes the money and you create the life".

  18. Interesting questions...
    I do believe in marriage - I do not think you need to be married to be happy and only God knows if I will remain married.... some things are best left unsaid.

  19. 1 Yes
    2 Yes, but I don't feel that I HAVE to get married to be happy..
    3 No

  20. I actually believe in marriage. My parents have been married for 20 years this year and they have been through a lot. My dad works in the Norwegian military so he is away quite a bit so I have seen that you can make a marriage work but it is a lot of work. But if it feels right and you are willing to work then I don't see why you shouldn't get married. I would love to get married someday and to be able to share my life with him. But I do not think you have to get married to be happy, you make your own happiness.

  21. I believe in marriage for anyone who wants to be married. I also respect those who don't find it necessary to have a legal contract to validate their love.

    For me, marriage meant having Ian as my legal family. I'm not very close with my "belly button" family so I needed that strong family bond.

    I was so happy being his girlfriend and I didn't think I could be any happier than that. But we both agreed that the only thing that changed for us after marriage was that we were both happier. We can't explain it. We've been married for 20 years now. And counting...


  22. I am married. I love it and plan to stay married. If this marriage ended, I might get married or live like I was married with someone again.

    I wouldn't have to be married to be happy, but I think it helps to share my life with someone. I get lots of kisses from my husband and I cuddle with him and I would very much miss that if I was single.

  23. I've been married. I did it for the other person, as I've never needed the institution. Oddly enough, it was this other person who broke every vow and promise. The divorce cost me loads.

    So the idea of marriage throws me into a tizzie. I get panic attacks. I never want to be put in that position again.

    But of course, life happens. I'm with another person--someone who's also never needed the institution or entertained the idea--and yet we're talking about it. I have panic attacks, and I'm not sure I can agree to it. But if we do marry, it's for US--no one else. We're not even telling our families. Just the lawyers and the judge and the civil institutions will know.

    Frankly, marriage is a civil contract--and a contact that brings favorable returns in terms of taxes, insurance, and the like. Everyone should have the right to that. Everyone.

    Just get a pre-nup.

  24. Do You Believe In Marriage?

    Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes. As you know, I marry people, so it's helpful to value it as a tradition and as a vehicle for personal growth.

    Do You Want To Get (Or Remain) Married?

    I plan on being married to this man for the rest of my life. We're about 6 weeks away from our 10 year anniversary, and our 14 years "together" anniversary is shortly thereafter.

    Do We Need To Be Married To Be Happy?

    Marriage is about more than being just "happy" all the time. Happy I can get with puppies and new shoes. He gives me so much more. He knows the truth of me (which is fairly damaged) and still makes me feel safe and loved every day. We're long past the stage where divorce seems like the sword of Damocles with every tiff. We're in the groove of marriage now (not to be confused with a rut). Without question, he is the single most stabilizing and uplifting influence in my life. How could you not want to marry that, and cleave it it for all time?