Boys Will Be Boys

Here's a funny story. It's true.

My dad turns 90 years old this year. He resides in an assisted living facility. It's very nice and he likes it there.

My dad is a pleasant guy but he can be a little hard-headed. He's macho through and through and worked a cop for thirty years. Once my father gets an idea in his head, nothing can dissuade him.

During my youth we battled over the morality of the Vietnam War, the integrity of President Nixon, and the length of my hair. (Back in the Sixties, hair-length telegraphed everything about a man, including his politics and cultural hip-ness.) My dad has always been a "law and order" conservative.

Where my father lives now has a dining room. Anyone can sit anywhere but residents tend to sit in the same place every day. Informally they claim chairs as their own. This Christmas the facility put up a big Christmas tree which moved some tables around. After the re-arrangement, it wasn't clear which seat belonged to whom. 

There's another resident there named George. Like my father, George is a retired cop and around 90 years old. For some reason, George and my father don't like each other. I suspect they're too alike and resent that. Each wants to be seen as the alpha dog and the other's presence disturbs that image.

After the tree was put up, neither of them knew which chair was theirs. One of them was seated and the other came up and complained, "You're in my chair!" The other responded, "No, I'm not." They bickered. "Get out of my chair!" "No." "Get up or I'll knock your block off!" "Try it!"

Then they got serious. One dared, "Let's take this outside!" The other replied, "Sure!" 

The two men reached for their walkers and started slowly shuffling across the dining room toward the exit. Facility staff, alerted to impending fisticuffs, rushed over to break it up. "Gentlemen! You are NOT going to fight in the courtyard!" They pulled the pugilists apart and sent them to their rooms. With angry looks, the combatants parted and returned to their corners.

I believe a video of two 90-year old men engaging in a fist-fight would go viral. Millions of curious onlookers would click to see what that looks like. Fortunately my father hasn't turned into an Internet celebrity/meme. But there's always tomorrow. :)