I know we can't judge people we don't know and people are allowed to make their own choices but... I encountered something odd and would appreciate your thoughts on it. Please be frank; you won't hurt anyone's feelings by saying what you believe.
I know a guy who's an acquaintance, not a friend. His name is Lonnie. We shoot pool together every few weeks. I met him a few months ago through a mutual acquaintance. I was looking for a pool-buddy and so was he.
Lonnie is in his late-50's. He's nice but not special. He has average intelligence and below-average looks. He has an ordinary middle-class job. Lonnie got divorced about 20 years ago and now lives in an apartment with 15 fish-tanks. (Yes, 15; I didn't believe it either.)
While we were shooting pool last week, Lonnie announced he has a new girlfriend. I congratulated him and asked about her. He said little other than he likes her. I asked if she has kids and he said yes, she has two boys. I asked how old she is and he avoided the subject. I pressed and he sheepishly confessed she's "a little young." How young, I asked?
She's 23, he said. How old are her kids, I inquired? Seven and five, he replied. Doing the math, that means she had the first boy at 16 and a second at 18. And now she's dating someone at least 35 years older than her.
I dropped the subject 'cause I didn't want to say anything to offend him.
What's your take on this?
Do you see anything in him that makes you think he would harm the kids? Is he a good guy? I am in a relationship of 30 plus years with a 25 year younger man and it works for us. I would keep an eye on him but not go further unless you see a real problem developing.
ReplyDeleteNo, he's completely harmless. Thanks for the response.
DeleteI think it works for both of them. Otherwise they wouldn't be doing it. He's getting something from it and so is she. If it works out in the long run...well...we'll see.
ReplyDeleteI'd be interested to know how they met.
Suzanne
http://www.suzannecarillo.com
Online dating app
DeleteI read this post this morning, thought on it the whole drive to work. Reread it. Thought more.
ReplyDeleteI think my final response is - as long as no one is being harmed, be happy for your friend. Yes, there is an imbalance of power dynamic. He is older.
But. She's 23. Young, but a grown adult nontheless. An adult with children, assuming she has full custody and has been the provider of her children, she's had ti grow up fast.
They will always face a psychological and biological difference - simply by being in different phases of life. But in life you learn to seek out the people you can tolerate and enjoy. You find what makes life worth living.
Some people can and do make that sort of thing work. As outsiders i think we can merely hope for the best, and perhaps be a gentle encouragement for Lonnie.
Thanks, Megan. Your view means a lot to me.
DeleteI wish them luck. I often wonder about such disparities working out. My wife and I are the same age and we grew up at the same time. We have our common but individual memories of the murders of both Kennedy's and MLK; the Manson murders, Woodstock and the moon landing. We have been together since 1972 so we have lots of common memories. While you and I are close enough in age and have some other common background landmarks and can discuss the issues of the day as well as the history that we learned and/or lived I would wonder about a 25 year gap.
ReplyDeleteI wish them love and luck
Thanks, Pat. I believe they'll need it.
DeleteI'm not sure really. I was quite surprise when you said she was 23 and the fact he was a bit secretive about it. Surely he'd feel quite smug about that fact? Are you worried there might be a bit of gold-diggery going on? I mean, I can't imagine myself going out with someone who is 35 years older than me but then I've always been incredibly cautious when it comes to relationships anyway!
ReplyDeleteNot Sure... perhaps she's looking for stability she cannot find in someone her age bracket and with two young Boys perhaps she thinks an Older Man would be a better influence and mentor? As for him dating someone so much Younger and with Children, you didn't mention if he had any of his own from the long ago Marriage... perhaps he's longing for a Family now and an Instant One he could provide for isn't intimidating to him? After all, taking Care of 15 Fish Tanks is a lot of CARE... I only have One and so... just sayin', he seems to Need to take Care of something dependent upon him perhaps?
ReplyDelete