Saturday, December 3, 2016
Recipe for Brunch
Scour local newspapers and websites until you find a new bakery opening up down the block from you. Well, actually, two miles away but you need the exercise.
Walk there -- don't drive! -- and buy a huge loaf of brick-oven bread. Carry the bread home under your arm like a football, imagining you're a pro running-back dodging suburban housewives out shopping for the holiday.
Set the scene. This is important, don't skip this step. Fire up a pot of gourmet-roasted coffee. Put the (vinyl) soundtrack to the original Rocky Horror Picture Show on your turntable. Turn it up loud. No, louder. Don't be a wuss -- LOUDER!
Change into your bright pink robe with polka dots and pom poms. What? You don't have a bright pink robe with polka dots and pom poms? Leave a note for your husband to buy you one for Christmas.
Okay, you're ready to cook. Place 8 large cloves of garlic in a medium frying pan. Add an entire can of anchovies. Toss in two fresh jalapenos for heat. Add imported extra virgin olive oil and wonder how something can be "extra" virgin. Don't forget two pinches of tumeric for color (orange) and health benefit. Splash some Tamari (real soy sauce) and Frank's Hot Sauce ('cause you put that stuff on everything). Turn on the gas stove until you hear the oil bubble. Stir the potion until it becomes an magical elixir. Cackle like a witch (optional).
Pause. Look out the window at approaching Jehovah's Witnesses. Watch as they hear the loud music, then quickly turn around and run away in horror.
Return to the kitchen. Place the bread on the biggest cutting board you have, use a serrated knife and cut four large pieces. Toast or not, depending on your whim.
Spoon the garlicky hot oil spread onto the sliced bread. Savor and realize that life is worth living. Sometimes.