Saturday, December 3, 2016

Recipe for Brunch

Scour local newspapers and websites until you find a new bakery opening up down the block from you. Well, actually, two miles away but you need the exercise.

Walk there -- don't drive! -- and buy a huge loaf of brick-oven bread. Carry the bread home under your arm like a football, imagining you're a pro running-back dodging suburban housewives out shopping for the holiday.

Set the scene. This is important, don't skip this step. Fire up a pot of gourmet-roasted coffee. Put the (vinyl) soundtrack to the original Rocky Horror Picture Show on your turntable. Turn it up loud. No, louder. Don't be a wuss -- LOUDER!

Change into your bright pink robe with polka dots and pom poms. What? You don't have a bright pink robe with polka dots and pom poms? Leave a note for your husband to buy you one for Christmas.

Okay, you're ready to cook. Place 8 large cloves of garlic in a medium frying pan. Add an entire can of anchovies. Toss in two fresh jalapenos for heat. Add imported extra virgin olive oil and wonder how something can be "extra" virgin. Don't forget two pinches of tumeric for color (orange) and health benefit. Splash some Tamari (real soy sauce) and Frank's Hot Sauce ('cause you put that stuff on everything). Turn on the gas stove until you hear the oil bubble. Stir the potion until it becomes an magical elixir. Cackle like a witch (optional).

Pause. Look out the window at approaching Jehovah's Witnesses. Watch as they hear the loud music, then quickly turn around and run away in horror.

Return to the kitchen. Place the bread on the biggest cutting board you have, use a serrated knife and cut four large pieces. Toast or not, depending on your whim.

Spoon the garlicky hot oil spread onto the sliced bread. Savor and realize that life is worth living. Sometimes.

Serves one.


  1. Hahahaha! I'm hungry! LOL

    And I also need some loud music to scare off the Jehovah Witnesses. Man! Those guys need to take a break during the holidays.

    I actually wanted to put a sign that said, "Attack pug on site" but then I figured most people would never go away.

    BTW...I just made a vegetarian casserole with brown rice and brussel sprouts. Not nearly as exciting as what you've got going on there.

    Plus no bright bath robe either. You're living the life!


    1. I've discovered that exciting apparel makes a big difference. :-)

  2. Sitting here in McDonald's, Sloane square, posh part of London wishing I was having what you were having,pink robe and all.....x

  3. Delicious! Still jealous of that record. That is definitely one that deserves being played LOUD.

    1. I'm loving it. I enjoyed the songs before but, on this album, they're recorded so perfectly. I'm playing this down to worn grooves.

  4. The perfect recipe, down the the 2 mile walk, and drizzle of oil, and the loud vinyl music in the background . I would only add a goblet of Rose. Yes, it is, most of the time.
    xx, Elle

  5. And consume guilt free knowing you walked off the calories beforehand!
    What a perfect recipe. I imagine you will be living on it!
    Although somehow I keep imagining you walking the street football loaf in hand in your pink pompomy bathrobe. Now there's an image! :-D xo Jazzy Jack

  6. Bread = YES!!! Coffee = YES!!!
    Pink robe with pom poms ... On Christmas list.

    And then HORROR OF ALL HORRORS ... you hit with the anchovies ... I nearly stopped reading your post right there but because I like you so much I continued reading. :):):)

  7. Oh my goodness, I loved everything about this post, Ally. I have a friend who reads serving sizes on cartons and wonders who these other people are, sharing her food--I appreciate you keeping it real. Nobody is having my spicy garlicky toast bread! Also thanks for the tip--sometimes I don't know how to keep door knockers away! Ha!!

  8. it sounds soon delicious! I'm starving! worst of all I have an hour to go till I could eat. Oh Ally poor me!