When we're little, our moms dress us. Any way they want. They have unfettered freedom to choose our clothes, regardless of how hideous or cute the items are.
As we grow up, however, we reach a point where we rebel. No! I don't wanna wear this!
That moment occurs at different ages for us. Some kids meekly defer to their moms, some robustly defy them. For many, it's when we start to care more about fitting in with our friends that we reject our mothers' choice of unpopular clothes. We want to wear the styles and brands our friends are wearing so we can gain their approval or, at least, not be ostracized.
For girls, I imagine this is especially important since clothes themselves are so vital. On one hand, I think it'd be great to have an adult female who can advise and guide you into fashion; on the other, the fact that she's a generation older means her taste is probably old-fashioned and she's not clued into what the kids are wearing today.
How was it with you? When did you start wanting to wear different clothes than those your mother picked out for you? Was that an easy or hard conflict? Was your mother's taste outmoded or acceptable to you? Finally, did you ever reconcile this conflict with your mom as you matured?
My mom chose clothes no cool kid would be caught dead in. They were what old people wore and, even worse, they were cheap. My mom shopped at bargain-basement discount stores and her purchases embarrassed me in front of my friends. I struggled with her over this for years. At the same time, I recognized that my mother loved me and was doing her best with no fashion-sense and little money. That realization made our conflict harder 'cause I didn't want to upset her by arguing. I just didn't want to wear her awful clothes.
This may seem funny to you now, but imagine being dressed up like a little immigrant in a suit and a hat. I hated those clothes.
Don't believe me? Here's a picture of my brother and me. He's the little guy on the bottom left; I'm the slightly-bigger little guy on the bottom right. We're surrounded by my two aunts and uncle.
Oh, and I did I mention my parents made me play the accordion? The most uncool instrument in the entire world? :)
My mother made many of my clothes, entirely through my school career. My senior year, she made me a suit of red tweed with an Eisenhour jacket. I thought it was lovely. I have a sister who is not quite a year younger than myself and we often had matching outfits. I didn't really diverge until I went away to college and then for years I wore a leotard and pair of my grandfather's overalls. It was the early 70s.
ReplyDeleteOkay, you may think it's uncool.... and it might have been uncool.... But don't deny that you look absolutely adorable.
ReplyDeleteI think little children in suits is a different topic altogether though.
My mom pretty much let me pick out most of my clothes, except she did like to dress me and my sister in the same things. Now that was embarrassing! My mom had okay fashion sense, but we didn't have a lot of money so a lot of things were hand me downs. Kayla on the other hand is always raiding my closet which is fun but can drive me crazy too! Although you didn't like your suite you were absolutely adorable :) Heather
ReplyDeleteI think the first real difference of opinion arose while shopping for senior prom dresses. The black gown I picked out was a bit fitted for my mom's taste.
ReplyDeleteI have a twin, and we grew up wearing similar outfits. We wouldn't wear the exact same thing, but if the shirt came in two colors, we would get both colors ... I think we did this until we went to high school.
That is a great family picture! I was pretty lucky that my mom let me pick out my own clothes at an early age.
ReplyDeleteMy parents were pretty firm believers in letting us dress how we wanted. I wore purple mardi gras beads for three months straight (even bathed in them), I wore floofy dresses, my brother wore hot pink spandex pants with massive oversized sleeveless shirts. You should see some of our childhood photos. Half the time we looked like adorable kids, half the time we looked crazy off our butts. My mom didn't care because apparently it was a step-up from what she called my "Naked Stage"
ReplyDeleteAs for being a teen, I actually imposed a lot of crazy rules for myself, like no pink or brown. Orange and green were safe colors. Red and black also safe. No prints except stripes. No polos or khakis. I wore a lot of black pants.
My family didn't have a lot of money, but they let me buy my own clothes based on what we could afford.
I still get the occasional gift that doesn't jive with my personal style, but the biggest issue is getting my family to realize I stopped growing in about 7th grade. I hit my height and weight and it stayed about the same over the years but I still get wildly ill-fitting clothing for the holidays.
Also I know it wasn't cool then, but you look dapper as can be in that photo. Gosh, people just don't wear hats and suits like they did. I miss the desire people had to dress up. I hope its coming back around.
ReplyDeleteI don't exactly remember when I began to choose my own clothes. I do remember having an interest in fashion as early as grade 5 though and that interest has only grown. My mom and I share some things about fashion but it's more she likes certain trends for women my age and I like them too. She does not at all dress like me and if I dressed like her it would be weird lol!
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ReplyDeleteThat photo is adorable. I have one dorky one, probably on my facebook, of all 3 of us girls in matching dresses mom made.
Sometimes, like prom, it's nice to have a mom who sews. Other times, like your average Tuesday, it's just embarrassing. We were poor, so home sewn and/or Goodwill type stuff was the norm.
I would have killed for some Guess jeans back in the day. Or a Swatch.
I remember my taste in clothing veering off in a distinctly different direction from my mom's when I was about 13. There was a lot of strife in our household over it, too. What's interesting is that my mom didn't really teach me about fashion, nor did she have much of an interest in it when I was growing up. I'm pretty sure that 80's music videos were my earliest influence. :-)
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I would love to be able to play the accordion!
Oh no, the accordion? But, it's kind of a cool thing now. In fact, up here near Seattle we have accordion festivals! In a town called Leavenworth.
ReplyDeleteMy mom use to bring home bags of clothing from the Goodwill. She's say, "Here you go!" Everything in those damn bags were ugly, itchy and too short. (pants were high waters my entire life). We just didn't have the money to be able to express ourselves or able to say what it was we really wanted. I ask my son often now if there's something he'd like but he usually just says he's fine. Basic black graphic tees and Levis. My daughters were another story. One was funky, the other was classic. I tried to encourage them both separately.
I think you look adorable in the family photo. I just want to squeeze your cheeks!
Oh, Joni, I'm so glad my mom apparently didn't know about Goodwill. It was bad enough as it was!
DeleteOMG, Ally, I'm so sorry to hear that! I bet it was too hard when you were little! (Although now I think we could think something up with this clothes to showoff a little, don't we?)
ReplyDeleteAccordion is no fun so true!
I'm guessing you look back at old photos and remember how you felt (even at that early age). I know I do. I had enormous battles with my mother over clothes, starting very early. She was intensely concerned about what "other people" would think and didn't want me to embarrass her with my creative choices.
ReplyDeleteI distinctly remember getting a new pair of blue jeans (back then it wasn't just jeans) when I was 8 years old. It was summer and all the kids were playing outside. I didn't want to change out of my new blue jeans but my mother told me I had to change into shorts to go play outside. Instead, I watched them out the window and picked at the tear in the screen, shredding it just a little further, until it was bedtime. Her insistence wasn't because they were new, it was because they were "too hot" and all the other kids were in shorts.
You can just imagine what the adolescent battles were like. Even just recently, at 89, she stage whispered to my father, "How can she go out in public like that?"
What can I say? I just tried to not continue that legacy with my kids. You do look cute in your little suit, but I'm guessing and hoping you're happier now.
Love your penultimate paragraph. No matter how old we get, the parent-child dynamic rarely changes.
DeleteYou're right, although I'm doing my best to soften my part of it. But you know, maybe that's been true all along. Hmmm... BTW, love the wonderful vocabulary and thank you!!
DeleteMy mom played the accordion and was hella good. She went international with it, even, and, from my understanding, it used to be way cooler back then than it is today. Maybe she's just saying that to save face. Not sure.
ReplyDeleteI think your suit and hat are ADORABLE and I would totally dress my little minions up like that if I had them. As for me, I know my mom let me pick my clothes out VERY early in life...and the pictures are around to prove it. I went through a phase in first grade where I tucked EVERYTHING in, most notably, oversized t-shirts into floral leggings. HAWT. It obviously looked awful and I looked like a freak of nature most of the time due to my poor clothing choices, but sometimes I wonder...if I had been repressed when it came to clothing, would I still dress the same today?
Good question. Letting kids make their own choices -- and mistakes -- is important for their growth.
DeleteAnd thanks for the card, Ashley!
I love that old photo!
ReplyDeleteMy mom and I didn't fight too much over clothes, I don't really remember real well when I started picking out my own things. I do remember one single thing she wouldn't let me have though that all my friends had. Jellies. Those ugly plastic-y neon shoes. I wanted a pair so badly, but I had issues with warm sweaty feet (yeah I know it's gross) and she wouldn't let me get jellies because she knew they'd stick to me and get yucky. Looking back, I'm glad I didn't end up wearing them - they're rather ugly!!
I don't remember when my mom handed over the dressing-myself reins (or, more likely, gave up trying to convince me to wear something), but she usually lets my now-six-year-old sister pick her own items. Of course, if it looks ridiculous or is weather-inappropriate, she'll suggest something else.
ReplyDeleteAnd that photo is adorable! At the time, it might not have been pleasant to wear, but it makes for a heck of a great shot now :)
I think i started picking out my own clothes in my teens.
ReplyDeleteMy mom and i have different taste in clothes and sometimes she will only look at the price tag and not the fit. I always have these moments with her before walking out the door where i ask her "are you going out like THAT?".
AS she gets older she does not like to dress up that much, i tell her, "the way they see you, they treat you". Seems like I am the adult now :)
She will get upset and tell me she is just going around the corner, i just give her a look.
I guess as we get older our priorities change but looking presentable for yourself and then the rest, should not be negotiable. I am not saying heels and lipstick but, you know just simply well put together.
Oh and
I think you and your brother looked very cute :)
Wow, Ally, we have similar childhood clothing backgrounds. My mom dressed us in our cousins' seriously out-of-date hand-me-downs, as well as old ladies' separates from the local Sears budget store. My sister and I were wearing polyester pants with elastic waistbands when every other person at school wore only blue jeans.
ReplyDeleteOf course, we were adequately clothed, but we were also odd-looking, which will make any child or teen feel incredibly self-conscious and well, ugly. I think this explains my clothing issues today, which I'm really struggling to rein in. Got the insight - now time to get over it.
I love that you put 'Don't believe me?' before putting the pic - I thought, how bad can it be.. Oh! But you look so cute now -looking back.
ReplyDeleteI mainly wore my brother's hand me downs until I was about 7 or 8 then stuff fron my cousins (girls). I was a tomboy and was happy with all of that, plus I loved my handknitted jumpers. Reflecting a little, I still feel comforted in big woolly jumpers!
I remember my Mum letting me just get on with outfits I picked out - one memorable permitted purchase at the beginning of one season was a wool jumper with gold/green/burgundy leaves on, and 2prs of cord jeans -in gold and in burgundy! I was in matchy heaven.
My Mum and I have great shopping trips, we are different in colouring and style but it alsways works out. We sometimes but the same basics, even -standing at different ends of a rail, picking the same thing and saying 'this is nice'.
Such a cute picture! Childhood does render some pretty interesting clothing choices and outfits. A lot of the time, parents do the best with what they have. My father had no sense of style and usually I got dressed like a little boy and my hair didn't get brushed. My mother introduced me to skirts, dresses, ruffles, and braids. It was also an interesting mix...
ReplyDeleteI don't remember when I started dressing myself, but it was before my teen years. I didn't have a sense of fashion back then, but I always felt better about dressing myself than letting my parents do it. I think there is a sense of independence that comes from it as a kid. I'll do my best to let me own kids pick out what they want to wear as well. Great topic to bring up, Ally!
Callie
www.coffeeandcardigans.com
You and your little brother are just the cutest things ever!
ReplyDeleteI don't remember ever not having a choice in my clothing. Even when my Mom was clearly making my choices, I don't remember ever having an issue with it. I believe there was a period where I wanted some expensive item, that all the kids in school had, but I quickly got over it, and the fact that we couldn't afford it. I'm not sure if I dressed myself or I just agreed with the combinations.
I know that at about 12/13, I took the reins completely. My Mom never said much about what I wore, just as long as it was appropriate for the event/location.
This photo is too cute, I dress pretty differently than my mom...I wear skimpy for going out but pretty dressy for other situations. I want to enjoy wearing them while I can : )
ReplyDelete-Jaz
http://summerlilacs.blogspot.com
We wore what we wanted. I dressed like a boy, which Mom hated. You do look like an immigrant in that shot. And the accordion? Wow.
ReplyDeleteI think my mom tried to dress me more prim and proper...at least I always think of her as being more neat and classic. I, on the other hand, wanted to dress like a hippie. My strongest recollection of our fashion clashing was when I was in 4th grade. My grandmother had sewn me a maxi skirt (which I loved) and must have gotten me a pair of platform shoes (because I KNOW my mother didn't buy them for me). One morning before school we had a struggle about me wearing those shoes. I must have really been whining and griping about wearing them because next thing I knew the shoes were flying across the room (my mother had thrown them in a fit of exasperation with me) and shouted "Just go ahead and wear the GD hideous things then!" I laugh when I think about it now. Soon after that, when I was 9, I was able to go and live with my dad permanently. (They were divorced.) Then I felt free and SO much happier. It was what I had wanted most in the world.
ReplyDeleteAnd you did look quite adorable in that photo.
Ally, this post has been on my mind for days! You have such a gift for posing richly evocative questions.
ReplyDeleteSo many factors have been at play in my connection with my mother and style - mom's family history, the era she grew up in, the knowledge she accumulated having a seamstress for a mother, feminism and other cultural forces, her career, farming, punk / alt / the '80's, the loss (to me) of knowledge about garment fit and construction and figure flattery along with all kinds of other arcane women's wisdoms and practices, my realizing early on that I would never meet conventional "beauty" standards or fit in to the mainstream and thereby accessing certain freedoms but at certain costs, and so on.
By age 13 and through my teens, there were multiple battles royale, with plenty of mutual rejection and very painful misunderstandings along the way. Somehow, over the past 8-10 years, we've managed to develop a deep mutual admiration for each other's distinct style, and we absolutely love shopping together. Though she hasn't yet seen my blog, she was moved to hear that right from the start I needed the "a gift from my mother" tag. She has fantastic taste.
Were you ever an adorable little one! And what complex stories we all have. Thank you so much, Ally, for another thought-provoking discussion.
Great answer, buddy. Exactly what I was hoping to elicit. This subject brings up the complex mother-daughter dynamic in an important way and, although I never had that experience, I assume most girls did and I want to hear and learn from their lives, as you describe yours. Thanks.
DeleteMy mom picked out my clothes until adolescence I think. And even after that she was constantly picking at me about my clothes. I didn't want to be that way with my daughter. I just didn't think it would happen so early! My daughter, who is now 11, had very definite ideas about her clothing since about age 5. So I went with it. I can see where some of the mothers are coming from because it's hard to go from picking out clothes for your child anytime it fits in your schedule, to only shopping when the child is with you so they can help. At first I hated it because I would see so many "cute" things I'd like to get for her, that I knew she wouldn't wear. I'm used to it now though! I give her limits and she picks what she wants within those limits.
ReplyDeleteInteresting post! Very cute picture of the little suits on you and your brother.
Thanks for sharing!
DeleteWe all had to dress in miniature matching outfits. I dislike sailor dresses and suits to this day...
ReplyDeleteMy mum chose what clothes were bought and often chose each day what I was to wear. This continued until I was married at 22. She basically used me as her doll and dressed me up to show me off. It was totally disempowering and it has only been in recent years that I have worked through a lot of pent up frustrations. nothing lasted long and nothing was off limits to her and catalogue time was hell as she would pick out cute items. Modesty, the weather or the activities were never a consideration. Cuteness, smartness and being noticed were more important.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. I understand your reaction.
DeleteI have seen photos of my self and my brothers dressed in similar fashion complete with the bow ties and hats. Like you I also had to play the accordion.
ReplyDeletePat