Thursday, May 26, 2011

Choosing Our Destiny

A fun, well-dressed blogger named Daphne just gave me a Versatile Blogger Award.  You may remember my recent post about Daphne's amazing shoe collection.  Her blog, Fashion Confessions Of A Mommy is a terrific read with creative outfits and regular posts.




1. One of the important things I've learned in life is that we create our own reality.  We see what we're capable of seeing (and miss many other things).  We get what we give to others.  We react to incidents in ways our psyches incline us.  This realization about how life is largely affected by who we are is incredibly hopeful because it means we can shape our destiny to a greater degree than we are taught.

2. A downside to it though is that we often respond unthinkingly to things in patterns of behavior created during childhood.  We stub our toe and moan for hours about how unfair the world is to us, when all that happened was a stubbed toe.  It's valuable to step back from our daily life and re-think if we're acting in ways that bring us happiness.  We often aren't and can make improvements through conscious choice.

3. I'm trying to break out of the prison others have consigned me to.  Early on, my parents locked me up in male-ness and I've lived there for decades.  I didn't believe I had a choice.  But now I think I do.  Society still expects me not to show any interest in girly things and yet my desire for them remains unabated.  I'm tunneling an escape path through the concrete prison walls and quietly sneaking past the guards...  Wish me luck!  I hope to see you on the other side.

4. Support from others, like you, has a huge impact on my life.  It gives me courage.  It gives me strength.  It gives me the very idea I can live a real, authentic life.  When you are nice to me, you're making a bigger difference in someone's life than you probably will with anyone else.

5. I'm flattered when someone reads my blog.  The act of doing it presumes interest in someone who's different and implies support for them despite their deviance.  That's a serious act and I appreciate it.

6. Someone whom I won't mention (yet) read my blog, saw a dream I revealed in an early post, and encouraged me to realize that dream.  I decided to do it and the pursuit of the dream has become a major project for me.  Both the journey and destination of the project are magical experiences.  Lots of legwork is needed and I'm loving doing that, plus it gives me an excuse to enlist my real-life friends in a shared girly enterprise.  I plan a BIG splashy surprise in a few weeks when I share this dream with you guys.  Until then, keep this a secret just between us, okay?  Don't go tellin' anyone...

7. It's almost Friday!

26 comments:

  1. Really enjoyed reading this list. I can't wait to see what this secret project is! And Yes, I am a Jersey girl haha. Unfortunately. That phrase makes me shiver... thoughts of spray tans and gelled hair filling my brain haha. I live in North Jersey!

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  2. Oooh, I'm curious what the secret will be! Thanks for sharing your 7 things with us. Strict gender roles are indeed a prison - while I've always identified as female and certainly always will, there are a bunch of stereotypically male things I'm pretty good at, and I won't let anyone deny me these.

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  3. Thanks for sharing... I always like learning more about my favorite bloggers.

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  4. You're such a talented writer, Shy. There's so much earnestness and honesty in these very personal posts; I really enjoy getting to 'know' you through the blog. And I can't wait to hear about the secret project!

    BTW, do you have a female name that you go by? I called you 'Shy' in the paragraph above because calling you Ralph just doesn't seem right. It's part of the false life you're bound by.

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  5. Very well said! Everybody deserves some respect and the space to be free! I'm so thrilled with your secret and can't wait! Kisses :)

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  6. Audi, my close friends call me Ally, short for Allison. You (and everyone else) are welcome to call me whatever you are comfortable with.

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  7. I'll be on the "other side" cheering you on and welcoming with open bloggy arms:)

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  8. I was just coming to tell you, glad you already saw it. You totally deserve it. I enjoy reading your thoughts a lot.
    I am super excited about this 'surprise' now.
    Can't wait!
    Daphne.
    http://fashiondivamommy.blogspot.com

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  9. Luv Ya Ralph! Congrats on this award! You deserve it and you are Fabulous!

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  10. I love the sneaking past the guards thing. ;)

    But you're gonna make us wait WEEKS?!?!?! Sigh...but I know it'll be worth the wait!

    Thanks for clearing up the name thing...I don't know why I didn't ask you ages ago if I could call you Ally on here, because I've always wanted to! Audi was very sweet and thoughtful to ask about your female name. Ralph feels foreign to me even though I know you're not uncomfy with it.

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  11. Congrats on your award - you are most deserving of it and I loved reading your 7 things.

    Thank you for the sweet message you left me, you're very special and unique and make such a difference in this internet community we're creating and I love how the women have opened their hearts to you. It's easy to be there for you and be your friend because you're so real and warm ... and so darn lovable.

    Hugz for you today.

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  12. You inspire me daily. I'm so curious about your surprise. I can barely contain myself. WHAT IS IT!!!!!

    xo,
    Tracy

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  13. Hello Shybiker! I've found you through Mrs Bossa's blog and it's a pleasure to meet you. You look beautiful in that lovely green dress and I was very touched by your post about yours and Deborah's friendship. xxx

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  14. You totally deserve this award. I lovelovelove reading your blog. I think I tell you this a lot, but your confidence in yourself totally inspires me. I love your outlook on life, and I cannot agree more with what you stated above. You are a truly awesome person.
    I also can't wait to find out your secret!!

    P.S. Everything I put on my blog about myself is true. I don't even exaggerate things. I really am this insane and strange.

    http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
    Twitter: @GlamKitten88

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  15. I am enjoying your blog - It is wonderful to see such self acceptance in someone who is different to what society accepts (and expects) as "normal" - What is normal anyway....I look forward to seeing you successfully "sneak" past the guards and out into the open - FREEDOM...Lots of love...

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  16. Love number 2. In high school, I read a poem and it went something like "Everyday I think about war, disease, and dying... It helps me keep my mind off things." At first I didn't get it, but upon reflection, I realized that it's talking about us creating our own realities. For example, we stub our toe and moan about it for hours and think about how unfair life is... But in the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal, and there's far worse that could happen. We can make conscious choices about the way we think in order to become a happier person! Also, number 7 is brilliant. :)

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  17. I LOVE your answers!! thanks for sharing this with us and I can NOT wait to hear the secret revealed!!! cant wait!! oh boy.. how exciting!! xox oJ

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  18. I am so very touched by you words. I hope you allow me on board.
    Following you now
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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  19. I love this post, so inspiring!

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  20. I am excited to know who exactly has read your blog as well. Honestly this is such a great community of people who are mostly there to support one another and provide a safe space for being ourselves. NO JUDGEMENT! congrats ont he blogger award. I look forward to your posts every time :)

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  21. Hello! Just read in the comments that you go by Ally. I agree that Ralph doesn't presently suit you, and ShyBiker just seems too,uh formal. LOL. This post is so heart felt- and articulate, and it touches me. I am with you about how touching it is that someone reads our blogs- and have learned that such readers can/do become RL friends- it can be an invaluable resource for support and friendship.

    You are brave, dear Ralph/ShyBiker/Ally. I hope you acknowledge this to yourself as you explore the continent of your identity. And as you find yourself, and soak up self-love and self-acceptance, it is my hope that more and more you will draw to yourself people from the outside that reflect this love and acceptance and share with you their part of the journey. xo. -Bella Q

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  22. Thanks so much for the comment on my last post! You have given me new confidence!

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  23. #6 makes me excited. Hmm!

    A lot of people don't get #1 and #2, and I think that's really a shame for them. I get fed up with people who don't stand up for themselves or do anything to change what is bothering them. Yes, there are some things that just cannot be changed, but there are so many things that can be. So many people complain about the smallest things, when they have all the power in the world to change or put a stop to it.

    Anyway. Enough about that. I read through the comments and didn't know that you went by Ally, either. How did I miss that? Ah well.

    P.S. Thank you so much for the awesome card! I meant to write you an email earlier in the week, but I've been away from my computer and I cannot for the life of me figure out how to use my new iPhone to send an email. It's really embarrassing. Here I thought I was down with technology, and it ended up taking me about 20 minutes to figure out how to put the thing on silent. Anyway, I loved the card. It was so Ashley, you know? I'm glad you "get" me!

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  24. I love your lists - you are such a thoughtful and well-spoken (in writing, and I bet in real life as well) person.

    I'm excited about the secret! :)

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  25. Oooh I love surprises- I can't wait to hear about what you've been up to! I'm so glad that blogging gives you an opportunity to break out of the prison and be who you truly are. It gives me that as well which I think is beautiful!

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  26. you deserve every award, Congratulations=) this is almost like a poetry ... it's like a forming mystery puzzle for us to understand ... I also have a secret and very nervous about the big steps....

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