New Law Affects Fashion Blogs

Our society regulates many activities.  If you want to drive, you need a license.  If you want to practice a profession, there are laws to follow.  In this environment, it was only a matter of time before fashion blogs came to the attention of our government.

Congress is currently considering legislation to regulate fashion blogs.  A new law proposed by Utah Senator Orrin Hatch would bring fashion blogs under governmental control.  Speaking at a press conference Wednesday, Hatch announced that "fashion-blogging has grown like a virus and implicates public policy."  Senator Hatch opined that fashion blogs affect the beauty, health and welfare of our country: "My daughter tells me many women read these things and try new clothes based on what they show.  That alone warrants our intervention."

Senate Bill 344:2 creates a new federal bureaucracy called the FBA (Fashion Blog Administration) and places blogs under its exclusive jurisdiction.  The FBA will issue guidelines on appropriate content for blogs; for example, it will annually determine which color is "the new black."  It will also require shoe-manufacturers to expressly label the height of their heels.  "We've been getting a lot of complaints about these so-called 'platform heels' which make shoes appear to have a higher heel than they really do," Hatch noted.  "Consumers are entitled to full disclosure of heel-heights."

FBA Chairperson-nominee, Edith Bunker of Queens, said she plans to ban the mixing of plaids and "this crazy new idea of wearing socks with heels."  "It's just wrong," she declared, adding that most Americans welcome guidance on wardrobe issues.  "If you look at all the teenagers wearing pajama-bottoms to school and the mall, you know we have a problem," Bunker stated.  "And don't get me started on those Uggs," she added.

Generating significant controversy is the new law's proposal to mandate licensing for bloggers.  Anyone between 18 and 40 years old will be required to obtain a government blogging license and display their license number prominently on their blog.  Bloggers over 40 years old are exempt from the requirement since, as Senator Hatch explains, "nobody reads their blogs anyway."

Also guaranteed to stir controversy is a plan to tax the number of followers a blog has.  An initial annual tax rate of $2.05 per follower will be imposed on the blog-owner if the measure passes.  "We need to control blogs from getting too big for, as we learned in the banking industry, 'too big to fail' is a major problem.  Blogs with hundreds of followers pose risk to society due to their outsized influence.  Or should I say, 'plus-sized' influence," Hatch joked.

Reporters at the press conference observed the new law uses female pronouns exclusively and questioned Senator Hatch on this.  The Senator stated that his staff surveyed existing fashion blogs and found no men using them.  "Actually, if you think about it," he said, "a man having a fashion blog is just weird.  We see no need to extend the law to men."

Opposition to the new law was announced Thursday: a group called the AFBU (American Fashion Blogs Union) vows a court challenge to what it labels an unconstitutional restriction on sartorial freedom.  AFBU Executive Director Rory Gilmour explained, "fashion blogs are part of the fabric of this country.  Women have been talking about clothes since Betsy Ross sewed our first flag (and several cute outfits).  The government should keep its nose out of our closets.  Besides, we don't dress for men anyway...".

Swift passage of the law is expected next month due to bipartisan support in both the House and Senate.

What do you think?  Do you support the new law?