In most relationships, one person takes the lead and the other follows. The dynamic is often subtle and expressed in acts like who chooses where you're going to eat, who decides where you're going for the holidays, who decides when to leave a party, etc.
In many couples, the woman is in charge. Because of sexism, that fact is often deliberately obscured to maintain a facade of male-dominance. For example, in the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", the mother tells her daughter that, while a man may be the "head" of the family, "the woman is the neck... and she can turn the head any way she wants."
Today's questions, assuming you're in a relationship, are:
Who Leads In Your Relationship And Who Follows?
Are You Happy With That Dynamic?
We both lead our own lives. And I'm happy with that dynamic.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have been this way from the beginning. We both have our own separate interests and we share a few as well. But he does what he wants and so do I. We discuss thing of course. Like money and what not. But we have to both agree or it doesn't happen. You know?
xo,
Tracy
Great question!
ReplyDeleteIn my relationship, the roles often shift. Sometimes I'm the leader, and other times it's my boyfriend. i think it really depends on the situation, problem, decision, etc.
We both have our own ways of thinking so we often have to talk things through before deciding on something (even if it's what to eat!)... communication is key!
Have a wonderful wknd!!
It depends on what we're talking about. My husband leads in a good many of the decisions. But most often household or relationship type decisions are lead by me. I'm very satisfied with it!! Trust is key! Hugs!! ~serene
ReplyDeletelol I want to say that I take the lead, but Kyle and I are the most indecisive people on the planet. We are both Libras, we have to weigh our options and...yeah. We take forever making a decision on anything!
ReplyDeleteOh, let me tell you, I'm in charge. Most of the time. It's not too bad, but sometimes it is. I don't know. I suppose he has a lot of say though. I normally say what I want to do and he decides how we're doing it. We have some problems with that, I think. Take the previous weekend for example. All I wanted to do was to take a walk. So, okay, he says, we can go for a walk today. But he decides when we go, where we walk, and how long we walk for. I mean, I can usually whine a little bit and get my way, but that's not exactly fun. Man, this sounds like a grrrreat relationship, doesn't it!?
ReplyDeleteHm, he makes most of the decisions about household repair. Our decisions about money are usually mutual. Decisions about where to go and what to do are frequently made by me.
ReplyDeleteI would have the same answer as women before me ... It is a mix and match ... If I chose where to eat one weekend he gets to choose to next (Unless either of us have no preference) Money matters are discussed. Holidays depends on Airfares :P And everything else is usually discussed ... :)
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I often make the suggestions about what we do and I organise things household and financial. It may appear superficially as if I take the lead but mr sebbie will only ever do something if he wants to so really its by joint aggreement.
ReplyDeleteOh my, I don't like this idea at all. It may certainly be true that there is a leader-follower dynamic in most relationships, but I strive for absolute equality in mine. By which I mean that if expertise and interest differences make it such that one partner leads in some areas while the other leads in others, that's totally fine, but it should even out somehow. If one person has the apparent dominance and is positively acknowledged as the leader by the world (typically the guy - "head of the family"), while the other person has the behind-the-scenes dominance and gets negative if any acknowledgment for it (typically the woman - "nagging", "controlling", "ball and chain"), the only word that I can think of to describe such a dynamic is "poisonous".
ReplyDeleteFor the first time I am in a relationship that is very equal. No one wears the pants per say and sometimes I'm more domineering and sometimes he is (depends on who is holding the handcuffs)- hahah j/k! Great question- I am enjoying reading the other answers
ReplyDeleteahh no one! neither of us is "in charge." but i think that its because we were friends first for a long time and developed a good balance. i have to say this is nothing i've ever thought about before. we just sort of do whatever feels right and because of our similarity of temper and attitude we often just want to do the same things. i think that this is also an interesting question for friendships, i have girlfriends who love to be in charge, and since i don't, that makes it work very well.
ReplyDeleteI guess a good part of the time we roll along with no one in charge, and then we battle it out if for some reason we don´t agree. My boyfriend often decides where we get to move to, which is a pretty big decision, but since it largely depends on his job, it´s fair enough I suppose. I do frequently make decisions for myself that effect us both however.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all Hi! Thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog. Checking you out in return. Great topics and questions.
ReplyDeleteFunny you make that statement. I am from Turkey originally and I have always been amazed at the cultural differences between men and women in two countries. All the sitcomes and the movies in U.S. as you indicate portray as woman in charge. But, in Turkey (just like the movie my big fat green wedding you referred to) Men are in charge and if women want something they manipulate the man just like the movie.
That was one of the main reasons I did not want a Turkish husband. So I am married to an American and yes in our relationship I would say I lead most of the time. I make all the decisions regarding our household and everyday finances. But we decide together on big things like parenting and travel and large purchases.
My husband is the sole decision maker when it comes to our investments and long term savings.
It works for us.
http://fashiondivamommy.blogspot.com
I always believe and entrust my marriage to have the man (my husband) to be the head of our household...he is intelligent, he never gives up and he is a good money spender. My role is to prepare the house and take care of the baby to be comfortable for him when he comes home. there's a saying that behind every great man is a great woman=)
ReplyDeleteI think we have a fairly even balance. We communicate well and check with each other for just about everything before making plans. Now this all may change once we have kids but for now this works for us!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great question! I think that the boyfriend and I are fairly evenly balanced...certain things I let him take the lead on, like food (since he does more of the cooking/has a more limited range of food that he likes), certain things that I definitely am more responsible for (like decorating the apartment, making plans to get together with our friends), and things we both decide together. Though now that I think about the more subtle aspects of this dynamic, I may be making more of our decisions than I think I am! Especially since I come from a line of strong women who were definitely in charge in their relationships (and did not hide it, either)...
ReplyDeleteI'm the neck. And that works for us. It was 18 years as of Sunday!
ReplyDeleteThis is very interesting.
ReplyDeleteIn my case I lead - however I try to get some feedback or comment or reaction out of what I am doing so he feels a involved. However I have noticed he really does not pay attention and just nods. So at the end I do pretty much what I want.
I come from a culture that subscribes to 'the head and the neck' and I hate it. I hate pussy footing around somebody or making them think its their idea. I can't stand 'macho' men who demand that they should get their own way all the time and dominate the scene constantly, I find them to be more of a child in that respect. I prefer someone who is comfortable to go with the flow and be flexible with things without trying to find something that will hurt their manly pride. I usually find the phrase 'man up' insulting on a regular basis but if I were ever to use it, it would be on the most fragile thing about a man, his ego because it's the one thing I can think of in a man that needs to toughen up
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