At the beginning of the year I had passions and plans. Then everything crashed. Now I'm picking up pieces and seeing what I can salvage of my dreams. The news is good and bad.
A few days ago I did a necessary but painful thing: I moved my motorcycle gear from our front-door closet to storage in the basement. My leather jackets, my riding boots, my helmets -- objects I know as intimately as my arms and legs. As I held them, a wave of grief rose up and overwhelmed me. My chest heaved and my lungs started to howl. HOWL. Loud and uncontrollably. I'm surprised nobody called the cops.
Memories of motorcycle adventures crossed my mind and I realized, with profound sadness, that there will be no more. That thought crushed me. It still depresses me.
On a positive note I am turning my attention to fine art. Art was a major source of joy for me in the past and something I'd planned to pursue in the future. Some might ask "How can a blind guy appreciate VISUAL art?" The answer is: I'm not totally blind, just visually impaired. I can look at something and see part of it. If there's time I can move my head around and take in the rest of the view. With static objects (like glass art) this is possible. With moving objects (like film) it isn't. Images on a screen flash by faster than I can comprehend them.
I returned to researching artists working in glass and spoke several times to my principal art advisor. I just discovered a new artist whom I admire, Anja Isphording. Born in Germany Anja now lives and works in Vancouver, Canada. She has decades of success mastering a difficult technical process called "lost wax." The process is laborious; it takes Anja up to two months to make a single artwork.
I like how Anja's art explores shapes from nature without literally reproducing them. You sense her imaginatory leaps which are subject to individual interpretation.
Anja's exhibiting her latest work at a gallery in Manhattan. I'm going there next week to select a piece for my collection. With glass it's important to see work in person; two-dimensional pictures don't depict them accurately.
The prospect of returning to art cheers me up. Sitting in a pile of broken dreams I need that emotional boost.
I'm so sorry about the loss of one of your loves, Ally. That must have just been crushing. I am glad you can get joy from art - I love the picture of the piece above - and there's a tactile element to some of these pieces too. I love #187 (the tentacle-ish piece) here: https://www.hellergallery.com/anja-isphording
ReplyDeleteThanks for your sympathy and art-research. That gallery (Heller) is where I'll visit. Doug Heller, its owner, is my friend and advisor.
DeleteI'm sorry that you had to say goodbye to one of your greatest passions which I do get must have been crushing. I'm glad to read that you can still pursue your love of art, though. Judging from the piece you shared here, Anja's art is absolutely stunning! xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks, pal. I'm rolling with the punches. :)
DeleteGrief is natural at this point, and processing it is the healthiest thing you can do. It doesn't make it any easier to let go of dreams and plans and passions.
ReplyDeleteThat said, art comes in so many forms. Even delicate glass pieces can be gently felt and admired. I'm glad you're making plans again. Seeking new art is an awesome one.
Anja's work is so unique. It looks like the natural world (tenatcles, leaves, seed pods) but cast from a crystaline world. Sharp and soft all at once, and yet showing inspiration from fractal like patterns. A very fascinating artist indeed. Thank you for continuing to share and widen my world!
Wise words from my smartest friend. :) Thank you.
DeleteI have just cried with you here at home...not sure what will my husband think when he looks up from his phone and asks why I am crying ... I have been thinking about you and your bikes and wondering, but not wanting to say anything. Oh Ally, I am so sad for you and I would be howling, howling and throwing things in all directions. I wish I were there to hug you in that moment! I was thinking very much of you on Saturday when I woke up with my hearing still all askew and my immediate over-dramatic terror was that my hearing could be damaged forever and all I could think of was you. Thank God it is fine but the thought of what you are going through is so much to bear. BUT, as always, you are pragmatic, looking to another passion (whilst mourning your true love) and doing the best that you can in what is a rubbish situation. The artwork is beautiful and so tactile-looking! I want to run my hands over it to feel the different layers! It reminds me of a Jasmine flower when it is immersed in a cup of hot water for tea!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry, I have been away with only my rubbish phone with its awful battery and I kept trying to leave comments but with certain blogs, my phone just WOULD not save so in the end I gave up! I will be going back to comment again in retrospect.xxx
Thank you, Kezzie, for your empathy and compassion. They mark you as an extraordinary person and a wonderful friend. Having someone like you sense my struggle somehow makes it easier to bear. I cherish you.
DeleteOoof...I know that must have been so difficult for you to put your motorcycle gear in storage.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are able to shift and find joy in other things (I know it's not that easy).
Karen @For What It's Worth
Thank you, Karen. Life teaches us that there are easy -- and hard -- treks to make on our journey from birth to death. I'm trying to view this hardship in that larger perspective.
DeleteYou are a real inspiration Ally. Pushing forward despite the difficulties. I'm so very happy you can still enjoy art and your growing glass collection.
ReplyDeleteSuzanne
Thanks, sweet friend. I'm happy if I inspire others but really I'm just trying to move forward with my life. It's this or surrender.
Deleteso beautiful! I can not say I am typical person to enjoy glass art and even more so to ever let a thought of possibly owning one but it sure is beautiful. I am so glad you still can admire art with all your heart
ReplyDelete