I'm normally a happy person which is my way of surviving a hostile environment. Sometimes, however, cumulative pressures mount and act to depress me. I'm in that condition now.
When I was young I realized I couldn't fit into society because of my transgender nature. That fact was explained to me over and over. In case I didn't grasp the lesson, it was forcibly imposed on me, limiting my behavior, my choices, my freedom.
Today I conclude with sadness that I don't want to fit into mainstream society. Most people there don't understand -- or care to learn about -- my reality. Why should I join them when they don't want me?
Don't be alarmed, I'm okay. Just pulling back for a bit to re-assess my place in the world.