Thursday, June 4, 2020

Womanhood

I had an epiphany a few years back when I saw a European public service announcement. It was broadcast there on TV; I saw it on YouTube. The video depicted a trans-woman cowering in a bathroom stall as a group of confident, attractive cis-women chat at the sink. The trans-woman is afraid to leave the stall for fear she won't pass judgment from the cis-women. The video ends with a written message: "There's no wrong way to be a woman."

Wow. Such a powerful message for me and those like me.

Cis-gender women and transgender women are both female, but our life experiences differ radically. Cis-women take their gender for granted; being female to them is like breathing air, normal and unquestioned. In sharp contrast, trans-women worry deeply about "proving" our stated gender. We often feel like we have to be hyper-feminine and stereotypical in our presentation to establish a right to female-hood. We're anxious about being accused of being insufficiently feminine and, thus, not genuinely female. But, as you certainly know, all women are women no matter how feminine or unfeminine they are. A masculine woman is still a woman and every person has the right to choose where they exist on the spectrum of masculinity/femininity.

Having the freedom to make that choice without having your gender-identity challenged is vital. One can't live in fear of the judgment of others. And, honestly, our gender is what it is, independent of the opinions of strangers. Their view is based solely on the superficial criteria of physical appearance.

A few days ago The New York Times published an op-ed written by a woman who transitioned twenty years ago. She wrote some things that resonated with me. Like this...

"When I began transitioning, I perceived the reality of womanhood only from outside and felt the need to embody an idealized femininity to feel like a woman among women. But over time, I’ve come to realize that every woman — whether transgender or cisgender — evolves a unique perception of herself, one that need not conform to any specific model of what a woman should be. Whether I grow my hair or cut it short, wear makeup every day or none at all, it would be an expression of the specific woman I am at that point in time. Making those judgments for myself is at the core of why I transitioned to be a woman in the first place: to express my gender how I want to, regardless of society’s expectations."

Looking into a mirror, she makes the point with her final line -- "I was a woman no matter how I looked or acted, because as long as gender matters to the world, I will always be a woman to myself."

Yup. And when it comes to appearing in public, "there's no wrong way to be a woman."

16 comments:

  1. I read that NYT op-ed and loved it.

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  2. 100% truth. Thank you for sharing this friend.

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  3. I love this! It's important for cis-gender women to read this- understanding the experience of a trans-gender woman is so important!

    -Ashley
    Le Stylo Rouge

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    1. Yes, it is -- as it's equally important for us to understand you gals. Understanding leads to compassion.

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  4. That was wonderful, thank you for sharing it, Ally. I love seeing your reader illustrations too!

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  5. Thank you for posting this Ally. You've always given insightful information about every topic, but most especially on gender.

    Your blog is not only insight into the mind of a friend, but educational as well.

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  6. Thanks for sharing the newspaper article and also for a great post on the subject.

    Congratulations on being featured on T-Central as well.

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  7. Thank you for sharing, Ally. That was perfectly expressed.

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  8. Hear, hear! Thank you deeply for sharing not only your own personal story (both here and in general on your blog), but that of a fellow trans woman with us as well.

    I adore how you sometimes combine stories from the media as a means of complimenting your own life narrative, my friend.

    Autumn Zenith 🧡 Witchcrafted Life

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    1. Thanks. I try that to interest readers in some education.

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  9. That is so true! I wish more people would realise this! There would be a lot less peer pressure too!

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