Star Trek

Captain's Log, Star-Date 3018.2

After beaming down to the planet's surface with a landing party my crew and I embarked on my five-week mission to bravely explore new worlds. Specifically, we visited "Star Trek: The Original Series" [TOS]. 

Initially broadcast on Earth television in the 1960s, TOS was poorly handled by network executives (life-forms possessing inferior intelligence). Before VCRs, DVDs and other recording devices, CBS executives scheduled the show at late hours on weeknights where it was unlikely to attract an audience. This misjudgment resulted in low ratings, truncated growth and ultimately cancellation after only three seasons. Fortunately, the series was re-run a decade later (in syndication) at earlier hours (dinner-time) where enthusiastic young fans embraced the show. That fan-base grew into a powerful force and the show's reputation developed at accelerated pace.

My current report on the series is encouraging. The planet's inhabitants, while often engaged in flagrant over-acting, created intriguing characters with emotional depth. Ironically most in a Vulcan whose emotions are restrained. My sensor readings confirm sufficient data here to sustain life for numerous spin-offs including 13 television shows, 14 movies, innumerable conferences and avid fan-fiction. Kirk to Enterprise: there is enough here to build a cultural empire.

TOS writing broke new ground: its setting in a fantasy world (sci-fi) allowed it to explore themes forbidden on normal TV. Subjects like racism and oppression were probed. At the same time some retrograde views (especially on women) persisted.

Mr. Spock: "What we've just seen is not real."

Captain Kirk: "All the same, let's be prepared. Ready phasers and keep your eyes open."

April Fool's Day

One of our fondest family traditions is me playing April Fool's jokes on Robin. 

Every year I amazingly manage to succeed in fooling Robin even though she knows a prank is coming and looks for it with every fiber of her being. Robin hates being fooled -- hence, my pleasure -- but loves ingenuity and attention. In the span of a minute Robin's mind races from puzzlement to surprise to annoyance to appreciation, usually with profanity erupting.

If April 1st ever arrived without a joke, Robin would be very sad. She would interpret that as "the honeymoon is over."

In the past I've devised many methods for evading her anticipation: coming out of left field; misdirection; deception. Occasionally I enlist friends to act as accomplices to throw Robin off-track. This year I concocted a simple plan founded on none of these techniques; rather, it exploits one of Robin's daily habits.

Because she'll be on high alert for any action I personally take, the joke has to arrive from another direction. Right now Robin shops online and gets regular delivery of packages from Amazon, et al. In this habit lies my plan.

Instead of me "doing something," a box will simply appear on our front doorstep. Like hundreds of others preceding it. Nothing suspicious there. The box -- large in size -- will capture her attention and stimulate her interest. Robin loves guessing what's in her packages even when the purchases are as pedestrian as paper towels. She enjoys "unboxing" things. It's like Christmas for a Jewish kid.

To allay doubt I created a fake mailing label using an old vintage typewriter a friend gave me last year. The box and its label look utterly ordinary. Unremarkable.

The essence of this year's joke isn't the box or what's inside it; the joke centers on the unboxing process itself.

During the past two months I collected a dozen cardboard boxes of every size. I didn't have to buy any; I just quietly put aside boxes arriving with Robin's purchases and diverted them from being thrown out. Yesterday I selected six of these boxes that neatly nestle inside one another. Like iconic Russian stacking dolls. The outside box is large (3 ft. x 3 ft. x 3 ft.) and the smallest one inside is only 10 inches by 10 inches by 3 inches. 

Okay, so now you see where I'm going with this. On April 1st Robin will discover a big box on our front steps. She'll be delighted and wonder what's inside. She'll then open the box and see another box. Scratching her head she'll open that box and... what? Another box? She'll continue unboxing until she eventually realizes she's being pranked. I'm taking bets on how many boxes she has to open before a light bulb goes off. :)

To sweeten the joke, inside the last box is a pretty hand-made sign I created. The sign has a message on it and can later be displayed. It wishes Robin a Happy April Fool's Day with the year noted. This will hopefully melt the heart of an infuriated woman. Cooling off is required as the last part of an effective 4/1 joke.

Robin doesn't read my blog so -- shhh -- please keep this a secret. :)

Q&A

Questions I've Been Asked Lately:

- What subjects do I need to know to understand the nature of physical reality?

  - It's helpful if you have basic knowledge of philosophy, science (biology, neuroscience, cosmology), linguistics, mysticism and the history of psychedelic research (1950-1964; 1990-present). 

- Is that knowledge necessary?

  - No, I can explain salient concepts to you.

- What's helpful to understand this stuff?

  - Personal experience with animals (e.g., pets) and nature (e.g., time in the woods). An open mind and curious nature. Habits of observation and reflection.

- Are you founding a religion?

  - No.

- Do I have to submit to sex with you in exchange for enlightenment?

  - No.

- Do I have to donate all my worldly possessions to you?

  -No.

- Will learning this give me "rizz"?

  - Probably.

- Will there be a test afterward?

  - No, it's not school.

- What are the benefits of acquiring this knowledge?

  - It'll erase your fear of death and reduce your anxiety about living.

Devil Cat

Cosmic Update

Last week, after a lifetime of observation, study and contemplation, I had a major epiphany: I discovered the nature of physical reality. Cosmic enlightenment isn't unique to me: it's been achieved by others but I had to get there myself in order to believe it in my bones. 

The subject is way too complex to explain online so, if you want insight, it'll cost you a beer or cup of tea.

A separate issue, that of human behavior, is knottier. I'm still studying the subject and haven't reached the same level of comprehension. It seems illogical that one can solve the puzzle of the Universe and not grok the minds of human animals within it but that's the case. I have working hypotheses but no firm conviction on the answer.

There's good news but you may not want to hear it: limited consciousness in adult humans, which often produces noxious behavior, ultimately doesn't matter. The fates of nature, planet Earth and the rest of extraterrestrial existence don't depend on what humans do and will endure long after this flawed animal species goes extinct.

Natural Mystic

I -- is there an I? -- just had this this thought pop into my head:

We are many things simultaneously, the least interesting of which are ego-centered individuals. We are vastly complex assemblages of matter joined by multiple forces of energy. With unlocked consciousness we can peer at the horizon of knowledge and hope to grok the ineffable, that which lies beyond human perception.

By definition, the process is hard work. And you have to volunteer for the job.

Yours truly,

Ally, Undercover Shaman

Attuned To Noetic Knowledge

New Digs?

You may have heard: the rumor is true. musician Billy Joel finally unloaded his Centre Island compound. It consists of a main mansion (20,000 sq. ft.), two smaller buildings (guest house; beach house), helipad and six-car garage. The compound sits on 26 acres of waterfront property on exclusive Centre Island.

Billy's been trying to sell this compound for three years. Nobody nibbled. He bought the main property 25 years ago and added to it by purchasing adjoining properties. His total investment was around $35 Million. He tried selling it for $50 Million in 2022, dropped the price to $40 Million, then later desperately reduced the price to $30 Million. He finally found a buyer this month for $28 Million -- which is less than he paid for the property years ago. Billy Joel is the only person to lose money on New York real estate.

The buyer is anonymous. Rumors that I'm involved are unconfirmed. You'll have to come to my next party to learn what really happened. :)