It's hard to have a transgendered child. Every parent wants their offspring to be happy and most believe gender non-conformity threatens that. In the past, parents reacted -- with the approval of the medical community -- by prohibiting and punishing "incorrect" expression of gender. That approach, I can tell you from personal experience, neither works nor leads to happiness.
A little while ago, a story surfaced (here) about a German family whose young son wants to wear dresses. The son insists on expressing himself in feminine clothing and his parents have chosen to allow it.
What sets this story apart is surprising support the boy receives from his father. When the family lived in a city (West Berlin), the child's preference wasn't a big deal but, when the family moved to a small town, the entire community gossiped about it and made it into a huge problem. The father, to show public support of his son in front of the small-minded villagers, started appearing in public with his son WEARING A SKIRT. Implicitly supporting his son's choice of dresses, dad wore a skirt to show people there is nothing wrong or bad about female dress.
It's a rare man who can be so mature as to do this for his child. Here's a picture...
What do you think?
P.S., For a terrific drama on this subject, see "Ma Vie En Rose".
P.P.S., Thanks, Michi, for alerting me to this inspiring story with your tweet.
A loving supportive parent is all to rare. And you don't have to be transgendered to need one. I wish all parents could be so gracious.
ReplyDeleteI think I love a man who is so caring - and daring. I would love to see this child grow up. Dad needs to blog :)
ReplyDeleteI also loved both recent articles! I wish the pace of cultural change away from a rigid artificially-constructed binary maintained by judgement and harsh social sanctions and toward a fluid natural spectrum with attributes of freedom and celebration were not so glacial. That dad is a superstar. :)
ReplyDeleteI didn't even realize the dad was wearing a skirt when I just saw the photo. I heard this story on the news, my in-laws were watching in the other room - but I had not seen the pictures.
ReplyDeleteI think it's cool that the dad is supporting his son. I have actually hung out with guys who wear skirts as normal clothes. They're usually more 'masculine' skirts in cargo styles, but whatever floats your boat. Haters need to stop hatin'.
I saw this a couple of days ago and I think it's great. I think we will see a lot more of this to come... it's very exciting!
ReplyDeleteBTW, Ally, I really enjoy your blog - your outfit posts, your "what I saw today" pictorials, and other ones that make me go "hmmm". It may be corny to say this but, I always smile when I read your blog. Thanks for putting yourself out there!!! ~Marnie
Thank you, Marnie. Making readers smile is exactly the response I hope to create!
DeleteWhat an inspiring post. What a wonderful Father that little boy has. I think many of us boomers wish we had had better father's. My own was distant and abusive although he probably would not agree with that assessment.
ReplyDeleteThat picture almost made me cry. I love it when parents can be accepting of their children's life choices. My parents have never been anything but supportive, so I am one of the lucky ones.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88
In the few times you've mentioned your mom, I got the impression she's special. Lucky you, Bonnie.
DeleteI understand that at the begginning and at times it can be very hard but at the end of the day, its your child and you have to accept it as it is!
ReplyDeleteSo thumbs up for all these open minded parents!
xo
What a beautiful picture. I just love it. What a wonderfully understanding parent who puts the child first. Very heart warming.
ReplyDeleteThat father is one in a million. This is such a cool story and I may reference this blog post later in the semester when my students begin to discuss gender.
ReplyDeleteThis loving and accepting father has brought tears to my eyes! So awesome!
ReplyDeleteNow that's a REAL father. Thanks for sharing the article.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I'm hosting a clothing swap. You're invited.
ReplyDeleteOh, goodie!
DeleteWonderful! It's great to see parents opening up and letting kids find themselves in their own way. Having been born in the era of lousy dads myself, I applaud the boy's father for the love and commitment he shows.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you've already imagined what your own life would be like if your parents had supported you in the same way, and if so I would love to hear about it. Would you do a post about it? I really suspect there may be elements of that imagined life that are still within your reach!
Now THAT is a wonderful idea, Audi. I love how smart you are.
Deletemy boys love heels and dress up and i love embracing that!
ReplyDeleteXo Megan
Hopefully there will be more and more dads that react this way, so that their sons finally could express who they really are and feel without fears of being judged. I'm glad to see that (even if slowly) things and mentality are changing.
ReplyDeleteLife is a romantic poem
Hi Dellene! Nice to meet you.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome to visit anytime. I'll make us some tea...
i think this is GREAT parenting and i hope that this is how more and more parents choose to raise their children in the future. even if their child is not transgendered--even if it's just that their little boy prefers dolls or their little girl prefers trucks--i hope that progress means that more and more parents accept and love this about their kids.
ReplyDeleteLove this. I saw this the other day, and it made me tear up. Immediately emailed it to all my friends.
ReplyDeleteThe support by this father is admirable, brave, forward thinking and full of love. Very touching.
ReplyDeleteMakes me think of Brad and Angelina's cute little Shiloh and how they allow her to dress in the clothing of her choice...which is more what one would think of as "boy clothes". People are progressing in their open mindedness...but it has been a slow process...and does not reach everyone. One must look on the positive side and be thankful for these strides that have been made and try to outreach to those that haven't had this kind of support from their family, friends and community.
Your response is full of compassion and insight, Lisa, qualities I've come to respect in you.
DeleteI think its important that this subject is talked about, the more we know the better we can react and understand anything.
ReplyDeleteI think its truly spectacular that this father is doing this for his son- i am speechless - how amazing.
I think this is such a wonderful father, and a perfect example of how to deal with a child who may be transgender: with love, acceptance and support. It can't be easy for the dad, but he isn't making his son suffer for it. Lovely.
ReplyDeleteWe need more amazing parents like this Dad in this turbulent world of ours ... our kids have enough to deal with and our support it really important.
ReplyDeleteThere was actually something posted on Hellogiggles today that made me think of this post:
ReplyDeletehttp://hellogiggles.com/branglinas-child-is-just-like-mine
Society, especially when it comes to gender roles, is so one-sided. It was okay for me to dress like a tomboy + play sports, but not okay for guys to dress in skirts/dresses + play with makeup. Totally lame. So proud of these parents who are standing alongside their babies, and letting them be who they are.
Love it. It's so nice to see parents being so open-minded and supportive.
ReplyDeleteThat dad should win Father of the Year. Except my husband will get it. heehee But, seriously, I applaud his supportive efforts, and I'd do anything like that for my child without hesitation. There is always a balance, though - something you and I have talked about - about not forcing gender "standards" OR forcing gender neutrality. Just let kids be who they are.
ReplyDelete