It's interesting to look at old pictures 'cause we see new things in them. As we mature, we catch aspects of our younger selves that we weren't conscious of at the time. Certainly, that's true for me looking at this snapshots.
In the first picture, I'm striking a pose. During my entire life, I've been extremely self-conscious of body-position and posture because they imply gender-identity. My parents, always on High Alert to any sign of femaleness in me, harshly scrutinized and criticized me when I gave off any hint of that. This picture, taken by someone else, slipped through their radar. I remember vividly posing for this picture, wondering if I was going to get caught.
The next picture is a photo of my mom and me at a tourist attraction. I'm wearing a mustard yellow shirt (whose bright hue appealed to me greatly), brown plaid pants, a double-holed leather belt and a matching double-holed wristband. While normally clothes this colorful would be off-limits to a boy, it was the Sixties and the widespread relaxing of sartorial style allowed me indulge a little.
The final photo is me in front of the White House on a visit to Washington, D.C. It was a big trip for my family since we rarely had money to go places far away. Just before my father snapped this picture, I remember him saying, "Stand up like a man!" I complied.
Do you see anything in these photos that I overlook? Your perceptions are greatly appreciated as they teach me things about which I'm often blind.
I see in your face a boy who knew himself on the inside but obliged his manners to his parents expectations. Just waiting for your time.... You were always stylish, and creative on the inside as it is shown through your eyes. Getting past the controls of our parents only allows the energies to build until we can come forward in full bloom. I really think even though for some of us our youth was a time of suppression, it's also a necessary time in order to see the contrast and it makes us a better person after all.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on a life well fulfilled Ally.
Thanks, Joni. As a child, I couldn't wait to grow up and be freed of my parents' control.
DeleteI can see your inner diva wanting to burst out - especially in that first picture!
ReplyDeleteLike Joni, I see that you've always been a very stylish person. Rockin' those suits! I see in your body language how much happier you felt being yourself. I can tell that you loved your parents, despite the disagreements. It's always hard to conform to our parents ideals, but I'm glad you've come around to find yourself again.
ReplyDeleteWell, in that first pic if you'd only had on a long, tight dress with a slit up to there...you'd have definitely have been rocking the Jolie Leg pose! You could do that now and look fantastic with those gorgeous legs. Maybe for next year's Oscar celebration post.
ReplyDeleteThat first photo of you is so expressive and shows who you really are, the second photo, I can't say enough of how fashionable you and your Mum look and the 3rd photo is bittersweet, "stand like a man" must have been a hard thing to hear from your father whose opinion probably meant a lot.
ReplyDeleteI love the first photo--as though we are seeing the unguarded and natural Shybiker. The second photo seems most relaxed to me and I most definitely remember these styles. And in the third photo, what I see is that you knew (or had been taught) the code of manliness. I birthed no boy children, but I had a hand in raising my nephew. I remember when he began to go through puberty, certain mannerisms he adopted...and it drove me bonkers. The spitting in particular, but it was a way of posturing and so, I quit fighting it.
ReplyDeleteTerri, rightly so that spitting should drive you bonkers :P
DeleteNo disrespect to your parents but it makes me sad! I wish there were more parents like the parents you posted about the other night - accepting, loving! I wish there were more accepting+loving people. We should be able to dress and stand however we fucking want to.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way you do, Bailey. Thanks for voicing your thoughts.
DeleteHad I not known about your gender issues, I would have assumed that the first photo was of a normal boy just trying to ham it up! There is nothing particularly feminine about that pose, and I can't believe you would had been punished for something like this if 'caught'!
ReplyDeleteNice pictures.
ReplyDeleteWell, for one thing - you liked plaid :)
Seems like your hair was always styled the same way, did you ever grow it out ?
Also that last picture of you at the Whitehouse and your father's words reminded me of what I would be told when posing for pictures "stand up straight"-
Seems like we are always trying to please our parents.
Hi Ally,
ReplyDeleteWow - so much awesomeness to read here. I don't quite know where to start.
Firstly - Fuzzy galores challenge is awesome, and if I get done all on my list, I may well take up the challenge.
I love the pictures of you on this post. I think children should be free to express themselves and I don't see anything wrong in a little femininity showing through, but I'm well aware that earlier (and still this one) generations frowned sternly upon any show of weakness/softness in young men (also the 'big boys don't cry' approach) and women had to throw their hands in the air and not be capable of doing the zillions of things we have proven we can do ... and if necessary cry a little.
Thanks for making us think and question what we consider the norm.
Hugs
you've been a stylish boy anyway!
ReplyDeleteI love the firts photo - your pose is cool and plaid... oh, plaid. I'll always be a sucker for plaid, you know.
As for photos - I am very much agree with you phrase about old photos and memories and overlooking it all. I feel need in looking into the dusty treasures of old photos
Wow, Ally! To me, you look much more fully present in face and body in the first photo, and slightly frozen in the other two, though your dear self is right there in your eyes.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your devastating experiences of scrutiny and judgement, and love the many ways you are honouring yourself now.
I see a people pleaser. And I hate that you had this experience, but I know it was common for the time, and is still sadly common today. the best thing about being an adult is you can pretty much be who you want, even if that's in your own home.
ReplyDeleteHi, I'm a new reader. I just wanted to say that your mother's purse in that second photo is FAB :) I've enjoyed the rest of the posts I've read as well.
ReplyDeleteAlly, I found this post and your readers' comments extremely interesting. I won't repeat what has been said, except you look an awful lot like your mother. You look happy in that yellow shirt, and rather fabulously cocky in the first picture.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if it's been discussed in one of your posts before, but even as a girl child, I was constantly criticized by my mother, who was constantly criticized by her mother. I did grow up to be a people pleaser, and to be honest, as much as I love my mom, she still makes me nervous. I never felt beautiful or treasured as a child.
Oh, Lynne. You break my heart. I know of what you speak. Too well.
DeleteSeeing the first picture made me really happy with you posing like that. I'm glad whoever took that picture didn't give you any nonsense orders about standing like a man so this picture could happen and survive. You and that picture both survived, and now you can pose however the hell you damn well want. :)
ReplyDelete