Monday, July 16, 2012

Dolor and Joy

My childhood was onerous.  I struggled every day for years in an effort to persuade adults to see me as female.  None did.  I was punished repeatedly and instructed to accept my fate.

Eventually, I did stop fighting -- but the dream never died.  It went underground.  My desire to identify as female has always existed; sometimes, it's just been hidden.

One of the things I missed most was not having normal girlhood experiences.  I yearned for them back then and the desire has never faded.  So you can imagine my delight this weekend when, shopping in a clothing store, I stumbled upon this yellow cotton dress.  While made for an adult, the dress has the unmistaken style of young girls' frocks.  It appeals to me like you can't believe.  And, amazingly, it fits.

The dress cost a little more than my thrift-store clothes ($27) but I couldn't resist buying it.  Can you put a price on a dream?  An anodyne?

The only problem now is, I don't want to take it off.  I want to wear it all day.  I want to live in it.  I want to watch movies with my girlfriends in it.  I want to eat popcorn and gossip and giggle.  I want to squeal during funny stories and laugh with other girls. 

*sigh*

Oh well... at least I have the dress...










35 comments:

  1. I'll come watch movies and eat popcorn with you! I love the button detail...and the poses with the bear.

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  2. Movie night with the girls!! SQUEE!!! What movies are we watching, Ally? I have a weakness for mushy chick flicks :)

    That is such a pretty yellow, and you look very lovely and young in it. A $27 dream steal, indeed.

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  3. This dress is adorable Ralph! I love your shoes too!
    I would love to have a girly night with you- I think we would have so much fun!

    Charlotte x

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  4. What a sweet dress! It's a fabulous shade of yellow. I highly suggest chick flicks and tea sandwiches. $27 for a dream dress is one hell of an awesome deal. Many dreams come with a price tag- affording them is the hard part. ;P (Mine is currently weighing at $395CAD, someday!)

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  5. That's a beautiful color on you! I find it so hard to wear but I love it. So glad you are able to fulfill some of your childhood dreams now.

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  6. I love it on you. I'm so into yellow right now, too. And I'm glad you found something that clicks with yo' style and dreams so well.

    I think we might be complete style opposites, but I dig it! It's more fun that way.

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    1. Thanks, Ashley. And, yes, I know you're cooler than me. Which is fine 'cause you can be the superhero and I'll be the sidekick.

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  7. The picture with the teddy bear is so cute :) and i like the lace like detail on the dress.
    Now, I want i childhood like the one you dream of, in my case, most little girls were not that nice and giggly....

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  8. These pictures are darling. And so is that dress. The yellow color and lace detail look lovely on you. Definitely a carefree, girly piece! And worth the little extra cash if it makes you feel wonderful!

    Callie
    www.coffeeandcardigans.com

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  9. I love how cute & girly you look in the dress Ally. Sometimes wearing clothes is all about how it makes us feel & I can tell how wonderful you feel in it.
    Have a fab Tuesday Hun xoxo
    http://www.intotheblonde.com/

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  10. Awww! That dress is so pretty! I think you look great in yellow. I love the pics with the teddy bear, very nice.

    I still think you should watch some girly-movies in that dress, do what you want!

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  11. Totally adorable dress Ally! Yellow is a fantastic color for you!! I love girly movies, I'd totally watch some with you. Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, Dirty Dancing...yep, the 80's had the best girly flicks ever. Love your bear too. :)

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  12. Aw, the teddy is adorable. The dress is cute, you don't always need the experience...it's not always as great as we imagine it would be. Having the item creates for much better fulfillment sometimes : )

    -Jaz
    http://summerlilacs.blogspot.com/

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  13. if you don't want to take it off, you shouldn't! have fun in it and relive your childhood creating memories that you wished had happened then!! i love the dress!

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  14. I can see why you like this dress...it's adorable :)

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  15. Such an adorable dress! I would have tossed down the money for it too. Yhe bottom detail is just glorious!

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  16. I can imagine 10 year old Ally in this dress! My BFF's bedroom was decorated in that exact same yellow and white, and I like to think you would have fit right in with us when we played for hours there.

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  17. What a lovely dress. I love the frilly details on the dress, and the colours is such a happy hue.

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  18. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must have been not to live your childhood as you wanted but hey you can always have a second childhood right? Love this frilly, innocent flirty dress and I sleep with a teddybear every night still (shh don't tell!)

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  19. You are just the cutest! I love the color and lace detail of this dress. I had a dress exactly this color when I was about 8 years old. I remember wearing it on my birthday.
    It moves me that you share your feelings and desires of life with us. I hope you'll have everything you dream of someday. As you can see...you have a gaggle of internet girlfriends that would jump at the chance to be BFF's with you. I don't think you need to be anyone's "sidekick". You're a STAR! :)

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  20. there is no price for dreams, you are so right! This dress is gorgeous and it feels like it wakens the little girl in me who was mostly sleepy as I was a very busy kid and had no time to wear pretty but not universal clothes (dresses, skirts you got what I'm talking about).
    you look adorable and you Teddybear is very sweet. very set of photos.

    P.S. I wish I could be one of your girlfriends to watch movies with you

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  21. It's a pretty dress. Love the lace trim on the bottom, and it does fit you extremely well!

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  22. i love your dress and i love the fact that you will never stop believing!!!
    http://weallarequeens.blogspot.gr/

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  23. you can do all those things! invite some of your blog friends over :)

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  24. I love your vibrant yellow dress and the sharing of your story. So happy to have found you as you are an ongoing inspiration.

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  25. I'm crazy about your dress too! LOVE it! The vibrant hue is perfect for you- it is vintage-esque and does reference girlhood and femininity. I think 27 bucks is a bargain! The Goth-Lolita dresses which are very frilly and doll like run into the $100's so you got yourself one sweet bargain. I'd buy one in every color. You look amazing in it, Ally. I'm glad you are finally able to express your true self! xo. Bella Q

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  26. Here's a link for Baby The Stars Shine Bright http://www.babyssb.co.jp/

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  27. You look pretty as a picture! And I love the white gloves - so Mad Men!

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  28. You are so adorable. I just want to take you to the zoo and buy you ice cream. $27 was totally worth it for this dress -- and the experience!

    http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
    Twitter: @GlamKitten88

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  29. That is a very lovely dress...I just adore that sunny colour and agree that it has all the whimsy and sweetness of a child's dress :) Plus those bronze buttons are gorgeous!

    <3 Cambria
    jupefashion.blogspot.com

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  30. You are glowing in these pictures. You look so happy :)

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  31. awww the dress is so cute on you! its adorable! Its definatly ok to spoil yourselves sometimes, your story touched me as well. I'm glad you can somewhat freely identify yourself and how you really feel now as an adult. freedom is the only true happiness.

    <3 zoe ( ´∀`)
    http://grandtheftthrift.com

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