Maura knew at age twelve that she was going to be a painter. She vowed to create art for the rest of her life no matter how impractical that would be. Happily, she has been able to do this for five decades. (She's the same age as me.)
Maura and I lived together for twenty years. She is a real genius -- and I use that word carefully. Of all the bright people I've met, Maura is the smartest. She sees things the rest of us don't. Maura now lives in rural Wales which is a good place for her. Quiet, contemplative and full of animals. Maura found New York much too stimulating. Like many artists, Maura is hyper-sensitive to her environment and couldn't handle the media-saturated culture here.
Maura is visiting me now for a few weeks. Being with her transports me back to my youth. We repeat our inside jokes, recall old friends and times, and generally feel connected to each other and our shared past. I snapped this picture of her today in Starbucks.
Are you friends with any of your former-partners?
What a fantastic story!! So awesome to have old friends like this as well- so much history and memories and as you said, private jokes, moments shared.
ReplyDeleteI have a good handful of close friends like this from elementary school onward. I'm also quite close with almost all of my ex partners as well. Have a super rest of your visit with Maura!!
I've often heard that couples who are together for a long time begin to look alike. While the two of you haven't been together for a long time (though you were together for a long time... weird how language works), there is still an essence of you that I see in Maura. I think it's the eyes, and the truth in them. You mentioned that "she sees things the rest of us don't" because that's why I like coming to your blog -- you view the female gender in a way I normally don't.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful friend of yours! Definitely cherubic, with a dash of humour in the scarf (at first glance, I saw it as animal print, and then I saw it was literally animal prints!)
Yup, paws! And we grew up together so it was natural for us to start looking alike.
DeleteWhat a wonderful photo. You see and describe people so well, and it's clear that you care about her a lot. I'd tell you to enjoy your visit, but I'm sure you already are!
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing story ... She looks like an awesome lady and as Cara says ... I see a bit of you in her and I can see in her gorgeous face why you are still friends with her.
ReplyDeleteI have been with my hubby for more than half my life ~ we started going out on 25 July 1984 when I was just 21 and have been married for nearly 28 of those years ~ that any of my former boyfriends have disappeared into the haze of my youth and I don't think there are any of them that I would still like to be friends with in all honesty as some of them were chosen out of desperation and fear of being alone ... how sad is that!
I understand. I had a vague haze of unserious partners in my life; my question really goes to the 1-3 important people who we loved.
DeleteHow lovely a story. Maura looks so happy and it must have been wonderful to see her again.
ReplyDeleteIn answer to your question, no I'm not. My husband was my first proper boyfriend all those before were hardly worth mentioning.
It's nice to keep in contact with your friends over the years and then when you catch up it's just like old times.
ReplyDeleteMy ex-husband with whom I share a son, now 24, is our (mine and current husband of 15 years) good friend. So is his wife. He's like a big brother I never had especially when there is a 10 years age gap between us. My son lives with him back home in Malaysia and visits us once a year. I think it is healthy and benefits the boy especially when he was growing up. You two have a wonderful relationship.
ReplyDeleteThat's nice. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteIt's so great you are able to remain friends. 20 years is a long time.
ReplyDeleteMost of my x's live in other countries and I haven't crossed paths with them or reconnected with them since. Honestly for most of them I think I'd feel awkward as I'm no longer the same person I was when I knew them.
bisous
Suzanne
http://www.suzannecarillo.com
We do change over time. What made my life with Maura so significant was not merely the twenty years but the stage of life that we shared -- our twenties and thirties. We essentially grew up together and became adults together. That's a very fertile period of personal growth.
DeleteNo, I'm not really that good friends with too many x's. We really went separate ways and I was so different when I was young. But, I have lots of decades long friendships that are both male and female.
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful to still be friends!
ReplyDeleteShe's beautiful. How about showing us some of her work?
ReplyDeleteOkay.
DeleteHow nice! What a heartwarming story.
ReplyDeletexo
styleontheside.com
It's so nice you've remained friends and that you're able to spend some time together now! She sounds lovely!
ReplyDeleteHow nice that you are still connected. I have a few exes that I am still friends with, but probably not on the level that you two are. Enjoy your time together!
ReplyDeleteAwww! She is very pretty! I am glad that you guys had a chance to catch up. I am not sure if it counts, but I am friends with Kyle's only ex girlfriend (of two years), she is actually one of my closest friends now.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, my ex and I don't really talk anymore, but that's due to life just not making room for that. Maybe I should call him again!
ReplyDeleteGreat she found the meaning for her life and pursues it - so inspiring!
Have a great day,
-Kati
I've no exes but I do have a couple of long-time friendships I've had to end recently due to immaturity. I'm growing up and they're not. At all...
ReplyDeleteWhat a special, beautiful bond you both have to be able to still remain friends after two decades together. I'm not in contact with any of my exs (and one, who I was in a seriously abusive relationship with in my teen years, I've actually had to go out of my way to not have any contact with for my own safety), but that's more just because we drifted/moved on with our lives, not because I couldn't be completely amicable with them still. I married young and don't have many exs really though, so that pool is quite small and I'm totally content with the fact that we didn't remain in each other's lives (which I guess right then and there proves, or at least adds weight to the fact, that we probably weren't destined for a life together).
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing about Maura with us - please give her my greetings from the wilds of Canada :)
♥ Jessica
What a beautiful relationship. I'm glad that you still have the connection with her. I know it can be hard to be on good terms with ex's (I personally don't have any ex's! I've been with the same person for ten years!)
ReplyDeleteBut usually there is some reason you fall for someone anyway, and that you two have been able to keep a good friendship. And sometimes friendships can be just as valuable as a romantic one.
Just because you're platonic with someone doesn't make what you've got any less.
She's beautiful and I think this shows how much your heart loves, Ally.
Thanks, Megan. It's true that deep friendships can be as important as romantic relationships.
DeleteMy internet keeps cutting out and I lose what I have written to you! This is a lovely story, Ally. Thanks for sharing it. My relationship with my ex is a bit fraught but we are amicable mainly because we are linked through other people and it is easier to be amicable. We had 25 years together and not all of it was bad so I think it is nice to acknowledge that too.
ReplyDeleteShe is lovely. 20 years is a very long time to spend time with some one-- it's amazing that you both were able (as strange as this sounds..) to grow together while growing apart. I feel like so many people try to stifle each other and conform them into the person they want them to be instead of the person they're meant to be. She seems like a great woman.
ReplyDeleteI actually can't avoid word lovely. The story is lovely and so as she.
ReplyDeleteI'm kinda in good relationship with most of ex boyfriends but that's mostly because unlike the age we broke up being friends because we were better as friends. I think it's amazing.
Well, I embarrassingly missed this post somehow. *shamefaced* But it's nice to put a face to the name! I love how happy she looks. Spending time painting in Wales and surrounded by animals sounds so idyllic, and I'm glad she found what suits her.
ReplyDeleteWe've kind of already covered this ground, but I think it all depends on the person and the type of relationship and how it ended. A lot of times, exes are exes for a good reason and generally toxic to keep in your life. But in your case, things are different. I am so happy that I still have ex-family members who consider me family now just as much as they did before, even though I am not in any contact whatsoever with the ex. We definitely came into each other's lives for many reasons, and I'm thankful it's never been awkward with them and that our kids consider each other cousins. As for the ex, I'd rather forget it ever happened, as you know. :)
Smart and beautiful :)
ReplyDeleteHow amazing that you guys still keep in touch, it sends a very positive message about who you are.
I dont keep in touch with exes, just the occasional hello and there's one I have lunch with sometimes.
I reconnected with my college sweetheart a few years ago and she and I have been in daily contact ever since. She is married and lives 350 miles away in NH, yet I feel we are as emotional close as we have ever been.
ReplyDelete