Fall is a great season. For many, it's the beginning of a new year. Schools start, jobs open up. The weather becomes more bearable. And for those into fashion, new clothes and trends emerge.
I'm thinking about new projects. Fun new ways to enjoy myself. So far, I've come up with three ideas.
Second, I want to conceive more interesting blog-posts. What I'd like to do is vary the backgrounds of my outfit-posts, principally by going outdoors. I did that earlier in my blog-life, like the pictures shown here, but it's hard. When I'm alone and taking pictures by myself, I need privacy which is hard to find outdoors. If I had a friend to assist me, seclusion wouldn't be important, but finding friends willing to act as photography assistants is more difficult than you'd imagine.
Third, I'd like to find a way to convince my friends to allow me to be with them looking as feminine on the outside as I am on the inside. Chatting over tea would be so much more fun in a dress. Having the opportunity to be myself is the pinnacle of my aspirations but it's proven hard to create. In real-life, people expect me to look like a man despite having conscious knowledge of my femaleness. I'm sensitive to others' comfort, so I don't push and disrupt their expectation of me. What I need to do, somehow, is learn how to expand their view of me to allow for greater self-expression.
What are your plans for the Fall? Any fun new projects? Any advice for me in pursuing my goals?
I feel sad when I hear of your stalled goal. I know one of my friends had to leave home so her family could learn to reinterpret her. But this isn't always an option.
ReplyDeleteIt's often tricky in the blogging world taking photos without an assistant. I have a trusty tripod and self timer. But I stay behind my fences as I dash back and forth, camera beeping madly and me grimacing like a mad thing! :-D
I wish you well in your Fall goals. I live in Australia, so my Spring goal is to sort out my health a little more so I can not be such a drag on my family. Fingers crossed! JJ
Good luck, buddy. And you have some nice weather ahead!
DeleteIf Wendy and I lived closer to you you could come and have tea with us dressed however you wanted to and we would be delighted to spend time with you.
ReplyDeleteAs you go into Fall we are hurtling into Summer ... we seem to have skipped Spring altogether! Like Jazzy Jack I want to put a lot of effort into my health.
Hope your weekend is refreshing to your soul!!!
Thanks, Lynn. Your friendship makes me want to move to SA!
DeleteI love your hairstyle in these photos. Are your friends aware of your desires regarding dressing up and going out? Have you been able to talk with any of them about your feelings? Find someone you're particularly close with and have a heart to heart. You might be surprised. Surely you have one person in your life that will understand, be supportive, and want to help you fulfill your dreams. If not...you need to seek out a new friend to add to your existing ones...one that would be more accomodating in this particular area of your life. You know so many of us would be saying "Gurrrrrrl, get yourself fancied up and let's do brunch and shop!" :)
ReplyDeleteYour suggestion sounds right and easy but, in the real world, people act on subconscious beliefs. Among them is the expectation that I will conform to gender roles. I wish the world was as you describe but I find it to be more rigid and unaccommodating. Either way, I deeply appreciate your support, Lisa, and cherish our friendship.
DeleteThese are all great pics. It's def hard to find people to be photographers for blogging outfits. My camera that used to work with my tripod broke, so it's all mirror selfies now.
ReplyDeleteI might of missed something, but if your friends know of your femaleness then why would they care if you dressed as a woman? Do you think it's really you that is still nervous? You're not talking about blogger friends, right?
If it was only me holding me back, there'd be no problem. I've experimented with dressing up in front of others and feel serenely peaceful when doing so. No, I'm not talking about blogger-friends who are uniformly supportive; it's my real-life friends who don't grasp this need of mine.
DeleteAhhh, you look so cute in these pictures, especially the first one! It's a shame we don't live closer---I'm on the West Coast---I'd invite you to a dress-up tea party right away! I hope you can find some people in your area
ReplyDeletethat you can do this with :)
I'm looking!
DeleteYou look so so lovely in these photos! Pink is really your colour and you look relaxed and soft and very feminine. I do my photos alone too, and although I do not have the same reasons you do to want privacy I would never take my camera and tripod outside as I would be too uncomfortable with all the neighbours seeing.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I know you as both male and female in some ways and just sort of take that duality in stride, if I imagine socialising with you it is as a female. How I would love to go out for coffee with you just as I do with my other girlfriends. If you ever visited me or I you I would expect Ally and be surprised if I got Ralph.
Your plans for Fall sound fun and I am happy for you. I wish for you, better understanding and acceptance from your offline friends. It has taken me forty years to learn not to put too much energy, if any at all, into people who do not love me for who and what I am. Remember that you deserve that.
Hugs, Sweet Ally!
xoxo
Thank you, Shawna. How people perceive me depends a lot on how they first get to know me. Those, like you, who meet me here have a different perspective than those who meet Ralph in real-life.
DeleteThat may be so, but some of us are open minded enough to accept whatever we need to accept in order to support someone we care about. Demographics make a bit of a difference though.
Deletexo
Come to Australia to meet me!
ReplyDeleteOkay!
DeleteGreat outfits! The tiered top in the first in particular is a very flattering, beautiful garment.
ReplyDeleteThese are, as you know better than anyone, not easy situations to tackle by any means (more so the second and third). One option, though not necessarily terribly budget friendly or always practical, but still, that springs to mind when it comes to locations is to take weekend (or longer) road trips, rent private homes with fenced yards via a service like Airbnb and do a number of shoots (in different outfits, I mean), inside and out of the house (assuming it had a yard that you felt granted you the desired level of privacy).
♥ Jessica
Thanks for the ideas, Jessica. Because of the high priority I place on my self-expression, money isn't an obstacle for this.
DeleteWe're totally going to hang out next time I come to NY!
ReplyDeleteI love these two outfits on you - you are smashing in pink. If I met you, I would feel odd if you WEREN'T dressed as a woman! My fall goals are to figure out what my next style incarnation will be. I feel the need for a change.
ReplyDeletewe would have the best time! i live in midtown, which is an area where you'd fit right in! hope you get some of those plans crossed off the list!
ReplyDeleteI love that first photo of you.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes go out dancing on the weekends and there are at least two men that are also there but dressed as women dancing. I've always thought it must be hard for them and brave to put themselves "out there". People can be mean and unforgiving, but they mustn't be bothered by it because they show up week after week. The area where they go isn't urban either, it is a rural farming community. An area where I would have though the tolerance would be lower.
I totally understand how people don't know exactly how to react because that is what it was like for me when I saw these gals in the bathroom. It is just a bit shocking when you're not expecting it. They were lovely of course but I can see why it would be challenging for people. It is unexpected and people aren't sure how to react.
That said, I hope you do manage to fulfill your dream. You deserve to be happy.
As far as Fall plans go my sister is flying out and we are having a girl's getaway. Not what you'd think though...we are going zip lining, kayaking, and hiking. We may through in a pedicure though...just to even it all out : )
bisous
Suzanne
Well I love your goals since I'm part of one of them! We'll try to keep that snow away for your visit!!
ReplyDeleteOutdoor photos are a challenge - I don't face the same things as you even, and I even feel self conscious about taking outfit pictures outside.
And thirdly I really hope you can achieve the last goal - I hope people can learn to love you for you as much as we all do here in blogland. <3
I think outdoor shots would be so fun. I love when I actually get to change up my locations.
ReplyDeleteYou inspire me. It's been forever since i've sat down just to chat with friends.
ReplyDeleteAs for plans, well I am torn between staying in school vs dropping out again.
Its expensive and I have a few work trips coming up BUT I feel like I am never going to finish at the pase I am going.
I meant "pace".
ReplyDeleteThis color looks so good on you! Really!
ReplyDeleteI am not a huge fan of fall but I guess I have to get used to the changing weather. I like the sunshine and the warm days, where you can still enjoy walks outside and maybe have an ice somewhere in the sunshine :)
xx
holla if you ever make it to hawaii :)
ReplyDeletei know that you've met up with blog friends in the past...did you ask them if you could present your female side? or did you just assume you'd meet up as Ralph? Maybe these upcoming meet-ups would be a good starting point...see if they are open to meeting with Ally, even if in a private setting?
LOVE the first picture.
I'm not sure about advice, but i want to gush about how amazing you look outside in the sunlight. You look so much more comfortable and confident in that first photo than I've seen in ages. Not sure when it was taken, but I definitely hope you can find some friends close who will explore with you.
ReplyDeleteMy fall goals are to get my driver's license, survive the holidays, and get caught up on medical stuff. You'd never know it, but apparently things are even more expensive when you HAVE insurance.
Those are great goals! I wish I could offer you some good advice, but I too, tend not to push people outside their comfort zones, and put my own desires/needs to the side to accommodate them. I wish you all the best and hope you find a way to be your true, wonderful self with the people you care about, out in the world (because you make it a more beautiful place!)
ReplyDeleteI love these photos of you in different environs. But I know what you mean. I went out into the yard for photos a couple weeks ago, but then the (let's say) 'unpleasant' upstairs neighbor went out on the deck to smoke a cigarette (in our smoke-free building -grrr), and I was suddenly so uncomfortable, I got no good photos, and will probably have to try again.
I hope you have a great, creative, liberating fall!
Thanks, Aimee. I think we're such good friends because we're so similar. I feel like I understand you perfectly.
Delete