Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Female Life

Today, I have two questions for you.  One about beauty, another about behavior.

Last Sunday, I went into NYC and saw the best musical ever -- "Beautiful", based on the life of singer-songwriter Carole King and using her songs.  Terrific play and the lead (Jessie Mueller) deserved the Tony award she just won.

On my way in, I saw a woman who looked odd.  I stared at her for a minute before figuring out why she looked odd.  She had eyeshadow under her eyes and none above them.  It didn't help that the color was bright green.  She wasn't a hip kid trying something radical; she was a conventional 40-ish mom who wasn't wearing any other makeup.

I've seen eyeshadow applied under eyes when also put above the eyes, but I've never seen it only under.  I can't say it was attractive.  It looked odd.

What do you think?  Have you ever done this?

Second, lately I've been watching bits of female reality TV shows, like "Real Housewives of..." and "Ladies of London."  I'm shocked at the bad behavior exhibited by the women on the shows.  They deliberately hurt feelings and create drama among their friends.  Then they argue and say nasty things to each other.

Is this something only done on TV or do women act like this in real-life?  It is horrible.  It makes me want to ride my motorcycle into the desert where there isn't anyone to talk about me behind my back...

32 comments:

  1. Can't say much in regard to the strangely placed green eye shadow but I can attest to the fact that women as prone to being vicious as they are maternal. Of course, reality shows are extremely dramatized and scripted... but yes, the behavior is very real. Women really do often tear each other down and speak horribly of one another. The causes of these behaviors are insecurity and negative conditioning to compete with others of the same gender. Few are the women who haven't been affected by the constant bombardment of confidence-depleting media.

    Some may want to disagree with me, but I'd have to say they have either been extremely lucky or see the world through a rose-colored lens. Or worse, they might just see this sort of catty behavior as acceptable when it shouldn't be.

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  2. I am sure that reality TV shows are nothing to go by in terms of human nature...it's all scripted and over-dramatized and not 'reality' at all!
    And: green eye shadow only under the eyes? Not sure about that...

    -Kati

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  3. I've seen the makeup under the eyes thing all the time. it's usually white or turquoise. And yes, women really are that bitchy at times

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  4. I have to say I have never seen an under eye shadow, I would say may be it is something 20 sth's are doing but you said this was a 40 something mom which is my gen and I have to say that is a bit odd if it didn't look good.

    I think those shows encourage if not require people to act differently to make good TV. My guilty pleasure is the bachelor/bacheloratte shows and I read they take away all electronics and ability to communicate with the outside world and force that they remain in the common living areas. Which all forces the drama that would be in evitable with the absence of doing anything else or going anywhere else. So, I have to say in my group of friends that kind of behavior does not exist. Then again I would never be around woman like that.
    Daphne.

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  5. The under-eye eye shadow is a total mystery to me. Strange. As for those reality shows, they are totally made for tv. Real Housewives of Vancouver was filmed where I use to live so I saw those ladies all the time (and I knew the producers) and people where actually hired for the show based on how well they could "spice things up". Housewives left the show because they weren't "interesting" enough.....need I say more?
    xo
    styleontheside.com

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  6. The most awful thing I see in my professional life is the ladder pull-- a successful woman makes her way up the ladder-- then rather than help anyone else she pulls that ladder up behind her and makes sure she is alone at the top. NOT FOR me I will keep the ladder down and help as many as I can. Eye shadow under or over the eyelids it matters not we are all in this together.

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  7. Reality TV is fake. They create additional drama to make it interesting. Sometimes you can come across people in life, women or men that like to simply tear you down. I try to avoid those people.

    The eyeshadow thing? Bizarre.

    bisous
    Suzanne

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  8. I'm going to disagree here- while I know there is a degree of falseness to reality TV, I have to say that most of the female friends I've had in the past exhibited similar behavior and definitely female coworkers would stab each other in the back (stab ME in the back) and purposefully throw out thinly veiled insults just for the sake of hurting one another. I don't know, I haven't had positive experiences with female friends until recently, so I'm inclined to say yes, that behavior actually happens.

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  9. Societal pressures often cause women to become self conscious and plagued with self doubt. You begin to feel like the world is judging you, and the easiest way to keep everyone from seeing your faults is to see the faults of others. It's a slight variation on the "what you hate in others, you hate in yourself". It's not healthy nor is it productive but it happens. To be honest, it's why I dislike being in groups of females. Add some males into the mix and I feel I can let my guard down.

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  10. The eye shadow thing sounds a bit unusual. I've never seen that outside of costume dress up. As for being catty and rude, those TV shows play that up to the nth degree. They want drama because the people's lives otherwise aren't interesting enough to warrant them being on television. Some women are incredibly jealous and hard to be friends with. Sometimes women are rude, but I've had lots of luck with making friends with women who aren't rude to me or other people in general. I think it's just TV and maybe teenage girls, who are notoriously awful.

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  11. You've had lots of quite good responses already but I'll pop in my two bits' worth. I recently saw some celebrities doing a streak of colourful eye shadow under their eyes-green or teal- while the rest of their makeup was very neutral and natural. I would guess this woman was attempting to emulate that.

    Reality shows are exaggerated and made extra dramatic and usually involve people with outsized personalities. Regular housewives, or women in general are not much like these women and that is actually the point of watching the show. You watch and feel better about yourself. It's sort of a circus act.

    Having said that, I have studied and watched behaviour differences between males and females for a long time. Mostly in children when I was a teacher but also in my own life in general. When men are in competition with each other it is usually for work related things and stratus. They show off with rank, money, power and sometimes with physically building up their muscles. These are displays to show their power to other men. When they are children, if there is a conflict or they don't like someone they just punch him. When they grow up, if they continue to behave like that they are usually in jail a few times in their lives but most of them figure out they can't do that. They can and do find other ways, if they are in a really competitive environment at work, to undermine someone who is a threat. In their social lives men don't usually get too personal with each other. They do things together and that is how they bond and feel close.

    Women are quite different. Little girls from a very early age use psychological warfare to compete or to hurt an enemy or perceived threat. To gain power, they must be on top but they don't do it by punching. I have witnessed the emotional torture they put each other through by changing allegiances, dumping best friends, telling someone's secret and making nasty personal remarks often about physical appearance. Women are traditionally (this is an evolutionary psycho-biology thing and feminists hate this) in competition for men whereas men are in competition for status/power/money/resources. Women have traditionally gained those things through men so they compete for men. The changes brought about by feminist and humanist movements are very recent and new in the history of human beings. So women compete with each other by making the other feel ugly, small, insignificant, and without friends. The emotional damage can be really crippling.

    It's time for me to state that not ALL people behave in these ways, I am just describing the typical male vs female bad behaviour. The female psychological warfare can and does continue on into adulthood and even gets misapplied in the modern world where women can and do have status and power like men.

    Consider how American political candidates are treated. First wives or female contenders for high positions get critiqued for what they wear, their hairstyles and even their looks and body shapes. This is the traditional way to attack a woman and even men know to do it if a women is a threat. Or consider how celebrities are both praised for their beauty but also land on tabloid covers because they got fat or have cellulite or are the worst dressed. It's nearly always women and it's women who read about this. The power of the competition is reduced if you find out that the gorgeous movie star has a little pot belly.

    I am attempting to summarize masses of psychology here and probably doing it badly. In my own life I have found women who are lovely, kind, good people who support their friends and do not try to harm their competition. But the nasty ones do exist at all ages and I have met them too, even been the recipient of nastiness. What you see on tv is deliberately exaggerated for the sake of entertaining an audience.


    Hope this helps.
    xoxo

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    1. Brilliant response, buddy. Thank you. This deserves to be a post on its own. You taught me some valuable lessons.

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    2. As you know, we always have to be careful of sterotyping and generalising, but I've been around a lot of people in a wide variety of age groups for my whole life as well as studied some psychology. If you are interested in knowing more about girls you could pick up the book Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman. It's about girls in school but some of these issues don't go away in adult life.
      xo

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  12. Hm. The eyeshadow is puzzling...I wouldn't ever wear any only under my eye. Could be an eccentric beauty choice.

    And yes. Women are/can be catty, two-faced, insecure, vindictive, brutally mean and vicious, elitist and judgemental. Especially when in groups. It's terrible...I have always had a very hard time making female friends because of this. I am and always have been very independent..not much of a follower...and this has kept me from many peer groups in my day. I've always much preferred the company and friendship of men (although that comes with its own headaches as a woman...). Men are straightforward and their feelings aren't hurt easily (I can be a bit blunt at times...doesn't go over well with the lady friends). Women are a complicated, tricky lot...I suppose I am included in that statement as well. We are deep, deep pools with much more under the surface than any one person can guess.

    I have the blessing of having a nice group of friends as an adult, but there are still girls in the group who don't always like each other. As long as they don't stir up the shit and they tolerate each other I'm ok with that. It has nothing to do with me. I stay out of it.
    As an adult woman I have a rule about new female friends. If they can't be positive and can't be supportive I don't keep them around. I give them the same courtesy. Female friendship is complicated.

    Lisa.

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  13. I am not sure about the eye shadow :( But those shows are made for people to get sucked into. There is supposed to be drama, fights, etc because it draws more viewers.

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  14. Hmmm, maybe is a new trend ? I have applied eye shadow right below the bottom rim of my eye, but its a thin line not like a big brush stroke. I got so curious I google it and found a couple of pictures and it does look odd.

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  15. I wear my eye shadow on top and bottom if I'm going somewhere special and every day wear is just on top. I cant imagine how weird it would look just on the bottom. About the women on reality TV people wouldn't watch it if everyone was lovely they are paid to be bitches and cause drama, I cant watch them either.

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  16. I've got absolutely no insight on the eyeshadow below the eye thing...that sounds quite odd! Maybe she had wanted to use eyeliner, but only had eyeshadow?? I don't know. But I've seen some really odd makeup...

    Women can be horrid to each other. A commenter above mentioned "psychological warfare". I think she hit the nail right on the head. For generations the world over, women have been taught that take charge and control is something that should be left up to the men... Women are to avoid the character of being "bossy". So, in adaption women have learned to fight back in more passive aggressive manners. It can get messy.

    That being said, The Real Housewives shows are a disgrace to humanity. They really are. They do more to harm the public female image than any other single outlet. The women on those shows reveal themselves to be immature, backstabbing, and incredibly self centered.

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    1. Exactly. The shows are so horrible.

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  17. was it a thick amount of shadow underneath?? i don't usually wear shadow under, but if i do, it's a very small amount dusted below the lashes, and i'm usually wearing some above, too.

    while i believe some of this reality tv behavior happens in real life, too, i definitely believe they play it up for the cameras. at least i'd hope, because they can be very cruel. if you are going to be on tv, wouldn't you want to show off your best??!!

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    1. It was a lot of eyeshadow. Too much to be eyeliner. And I'd never go on TV and show off my worse side. Why would anyone?

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  18. Whatever makes you feel good is all I have to say about the eye shadow under the eyes. She likes it. That's okay with me. Maybe I'll try it. I am trying bold slashes of colour under my eyebrows now instead of on my lids which are sensitive to removers. I haven't seen anyone else wear eye shadow under the eyes, though.

    My brother knew a woman on the Vancouver housewives edition. The shows are scripted. In reality, women can be mean to each other, no question, but it seems to me that when people, usually men, behave this way in business deals they are called clever. Same kind of behaviour, different environments, different judgments.

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  19. Outside of the catwalk and glossy fashion magazines, I can't say as though I've ever seen someone put eye shadow just beneath their eyes. It's an intriguing thought, but not a look I think would be very flattering to most people (I fear it could even look you'd been punched in face and had black eyes as a result). I think I would have tried to strike up a conversation with her, if possible, and polity brought up the subject of her unconventional makeup look. Perhaps she's a makeup artist, retired model, fashion designer or someone else connected to the industry who loves to throw a curve ball into her look every now and then. Who knows!

    ♥ Jessica

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  20. Hmm strange...I can't say I've ever done that with the eyeshadow! Wish we had a photo to see it.

    I enjoy watching the Real Housewives for the entertainment factor, but I can't imagine being friends with people that acted like that in real life.

    -Sharon
    The Tiny Heart
    Spray Tan Giveaway!

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  21. The eyeshadow mystery ... remains a mystery!!! Never heard of someone doing something like that.

    Coming from a family of four girls I must admit that although we do have our "issues" we would certainly NEVER act the way they do on the reality shows. Like most of the girls have said ... I think they do it for effect and of course for ratings.

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  22. can't say i would rock that look. and i cannot stand how women attack each other--there's such a competition there. i'm all for supporting each other.

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  23. It reminds me of a few regular customers i used to take care of.

    1-Took tube tops and would wear one on top, and one as a skirt, and have caked up makeup in the brightest colors she was a mess

    2-Was an elderly woman that would wear a childs tutu around her neck she was insisting that god sent the message that the tutu was her prayer cloths. In addition she would take used panty hose bind them up as a rose, and stick it in her hair with a chop stick (yep a mess)

    I had to look up eyeshadow under eyes, it can be very pretty if done correctly
    http://www.fashionisers.com/beauty-tips/gold-makeup-tutorial-with-blue-under-eye-liner/

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  24. I wonder if it was some of that dark circle/redness concealer she was wearing? That often comes in green and is supposed to cancel out the discoloration.

    I loath the Housewives shows---it part of what I call the "humiliation" culture we seem to have. Most "reality" shows fit that description.

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  25. Those housewife shows are kind of overly dramatic on purpose... Like a modern soap opera or something. Not a realistic portrayal of the majority of women at all.
    I don't know about the eyeshadow thing. It seems odd.

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  26. As for the make up - when I have worn it, I usually go funky. But I've also been told I always dress like an art student or something.

    As for the back-stabbing, drama? I wish I could say that was all faked for the tv, but no sometimes other women can really be just that hateful to each other. It's a damn shame and something I've sworn not to be apart of anymore.

    It was easier when I was going to school, but in an office setting, rumors, secrets, don't tells and gossip are all common place. I just try to stay as honest as possible.

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  27. I thought you were going to say that she was crying and that's why her eyeshadow landed under her eyes. But that wouldn't make any sense, would it? LOL! I am not sure about eye shadow under the eyes. I've seen it done beautifully in small amounts (but with other colors on top).

    As for the RHW series....I've stopped watching years ago. Yes, women can be quite evil in real life. I personally know a gaggle of manipulative women like that. I actually feel sorry for them! Happy people treat people with kindness. Hurting people only hurt people.

    xo

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