I'm normally a happy person which is my way of surviving a hostile environment. Sometimes, however, cumulative pressures mount and act to depress me. I'm in that condition now.
When I was young I realized I couldn't fit into society because of my transgender nature. That fact was explained to me over and over. In case I didn't grasp the lesson, it was forcibly imposed on me, limiting my behavior, my choices, my freedom.
Today I conclude with sadness that I don't want to fit into mainstream society. Most people there don't understand -- or care to learn about -- my reality. Why should I join them when they don't want me?
Don't be alarmed, I'm okay. Just pulling back for a bit to re-assess my place in the world.
I'm sorry you're feeling so low. It's so unfair that you can't just be yourself and also be accepted and comfortable.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteI'm so sorry that society can't be more accepting of you. You are such a kind, generous, warm, funny, unique, interesting and intelligent person. You bring so many gifts to the world. I can't imagine how difficult it must be when you are unable to just be yourself daily. Sending big hugs to you my friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you, pal.
DeleteSociety is overrated. I love listening to a hilarious podcast by Martha Beck called Bewildered, which talks about rejecting our social rules we’ve grown up with and becoming more our true natural self. From bewilderment to be-wild-erment.
ReplyDeleteI hope you find some hope.
XO Jazzy Jack
I agree and like that idea. Thanks.
DeleteI hope as you move forward you are able to see what you desire and are able to embrace a life that supports you for who you are. Wishing you the most support and love while you take time for yourself and find your place. Take your time. Your friends will be ready when you are.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I'll figure it out.
DeleteSending you warm wishes. I hope you are feeling better soon.
ReplyDeleteThanks. It's passing.
DeleteI saw your recent comments, and could tell you're feeling low, honey. Fuck all those stupid people and their narrow points-of-view. You sound like you really need to gather some friends and have a dress-up party or a tea/garden party and be girly as heck. Do this for yourself - it's okay to ask for that love and support, and people want to help. I wish I could take you shopping or come over and give you a make-over/dress-up session, Ally! Big hugs to you, my dear friend.
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY. THIS. You know me perfectly, my friend.
DeleteI have wondered if everything was ok with you as you seem to have been a bit absent in things. You are one of the most wonderful, beautiful-hearted, generous, gorgeous and intelligent people I know and it absolutely SUCKS that people can't accept you for you. I WISH we lived in the same town, heck, even country so we could meet up! I am quirky and different to most of those I work with and I absolutely will not blend with everyone else to fit in but at least most people accept my eccentricities even if I know they think I'm a little eccentric. You've had to deal with that crap all your life and yet you have become the most amazing person despite that. That's amazing but now you need to be you and sod the rest of them! Lots of love to you.xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you, sweet friend. I appreciate your support.
DeleteThe older I get the more I realize that "fitting in" is overrated. I have no use for the people I used to try to appease. I try to associate with people who are accepting and loving with however a person is.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I know it isn't easy in a world that instead of progressing, is actively and openly hostile and growing more so. Just know there ARE people out there who love you exactly for you are. I only know you from here, but you seem like a wonderful, curious, generous person.
Thank you, Karen. I appreciate your kind words.
DeleteJust be proud of who you are. You are precious to God and don't bother about the societal standards because our society is sick! Much love for you!
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree. Thank you.
DeleteGlad you're able to let of steam in this post Ally. Hope your mood lifts again soon. Be yourself, care not what others think and do the things that make you happy.
ReplyDeleteBest Wishes
Lotte
Aw, I'm sorry to hear it. If it makes you feel any better, mainstream society sucks. Having said that, I know it's easier to fit in than not, and I'm sorry someone as great as you is still dealing with this. Take care of yourself. Maybe buy a little treat!
ReplyDelete