When you travel, you tend to pay more attention to your surroundings and experiences. That happened to me on my recent motorcycle trip. Here were some observations...
- Every time I ride a motorcycle over a bridge, I turn into a 5-year old boy. Wheee!!!
Being up so high, without a cage around you, exposed to the air and sights, you are confronted with reality. The view isn't a televised one; you are actually present and existing on a larger scale than normal. The magnitude of reality and our small place within it viscerally feel like they should.
- During breakfast at the hotel, I sat next to an older couple. The man was talking. And talking. And talking. He never paused and, surprisingly, his wife never said a word. The man wasn't conversing, he was lecturing, on one topic after another.
I wasn't paying much attention until I heard him say that women shop more than men. He started lecturing his wife on what women like to buy, how shopping meets their suppressed emotional needs, and why they engage in such odd behavior. All the time he's saying this, he's talking TO A WOMAN! How clueless is someone to tell a woman about female life? He achieved a rare combination of arrogance and obliviousness. Have you ever met anyone like this?
- I approached a milk/sugar counter with my cup of tea and saw an older woman fixing her coffee. I waited for her to finish instead of reaching across her for milk and sugar. I believe behavior like that is rude. As she turned to leave, she looked me in the eye and said, "My! You are so polite! Thank you." Then she smiled.
Have we become a society where it is okay to jostle others and be inconsiderate? Has common courtesy disappeared? Maybe that's the case with many people but I refuse to behave badly. I'm polite in every situation and act that way because I believe in courtesy. Rudeness by others isn't deterring me in this regard.
What do you think?
I think that perhaps the more populated a society gets the more self centred it gets. Years ago, a friend moved to Taiwan from Canada to teach English and among the first things he wrote and told us was how he was astonished to be elbowed out of the way by little old ladies. It was a push and shove, me first environment that he was not used to at all. As for me, I am polite and courteous and if I fail to be it haunts me for long afterwards.
ReplyDeleteI similarly feel haunted if I am not polite and courteous like Shawna. Yesterday, I took my choir of 35 7.year olds to sing at a singing festival and some other teachers bitched about the fact I needed a piano but there wasnt one so I had to go in search of a keyboard. They made some petty comment about me wanting to just show off the fact I could play in front of my colleague. She told me and I was really upset so I said something and I regretted it afterwards. I still feel such about it and wished I hadn't. X
ReplyDeleteSick not such. X
ReplyDeleteIn todays world you are a breath of fresh air. It's so nice when people are polite and patient. It doesn't take much effort, perhaps a second or two of our time, that's all. Keep being you and hopefully some of it might rub off on those who are not quite so tolerant!
ReplyDeleteWell as a Canadian I was born polite! LOL People like to say that but we can be rude too. For the most part I try not to be but sometimes if I'm pushed I will push back. I like to have my own space and I don't care for when people crowd into it. I do try to treat others as I myself would like to be treated.
ReplyDeleteAs for the man lecturing the women...oh yeah. Some people really like to hear themselves talk.
bisous
Suzanne
In South Africa our personal space is diminishing by the day ... and that comes from people living very close to each other and also the 'me first' mentality of most people. For me I like to have my personal space so it become very frustrating when people stand close behind and stretch over you ... I am also very polite but when pushed by people who are just rude the other side of me comes out and mostly it is when someone who is defenseless is put at risk.
ReplyDeleteOMGoodness ... that arrogant man's wife probably doesn't even hear him anymore ... she probably hears "blah blah blah ... I know so much ... blah blah blah!!!" And she is probably the more clever of the two anyways!
Interesting observations! I actually got to know a lot of men (interestingly only men) who pretented to know more about a topic than they actually could (like the men you listend to)... I actually pretty much hate it when a man approaches me for eating vegan without knowing anything about a vegan diet. I guess some men just are like this :(!?
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Larissa
Actually, when thinking about it... there a lot of womem too doing the same thing. Even talking about men the way 'your man' talkedabout women.
DeleteThis is such a cool post! I am always surprised when people actually acknowledge when I hold the door open for them. Although I would have smacked that guy lecturing. I think that you should get a camera to strap on your helmet when you ride, and you could make little videos! The motorcycle diaries! lol
ReplyDeleteI think common courtesy is disappearing, but I don't think society is completely hopeless. I think a lot of people are rude because they think they don't have the time to be nice.
ReplyDeleteYes, but they're wrong. And diminishing the quality of life for the rest of us. Thanks for contributing.
DeleteFeeling small in this vast universe. I feel this under the stars in the country on our bush block. So much so I get vertigo and feel a need to clutch the ground!
ReplyDeleteI've raised my sons to say please and thankyou, and soooo many people comment on their politeness! So simple but so effective. Sad that it's not so common.
I imagine that woman was sitting there being lectured saying blah, blah, blah in her head! I would :-) Xo Jazzy Jack
Great travel observations, Ally. I won't name names, but sadly I've actually known many men like that old man at the restaurant, including two very close relatives. I despised the way they spoke to women - and sometimes even other men, especially if they were more beta than alpha personality wise - when I was growing up and had to bite my tongue not to come to the dense of the people they were speaking to more times than I can count. Thankfully, though I doubt we'll ever be free of such folks entirely, I do sense that we're seeing less and less men (and women) like this as the 21st century rolls onward and I am extremely happy about that.
ReplyDelete♥ Jessica
I also think mutual respect and a general politeness are disappearing, particularly when it comes to personal space.
ReplyDeleteThat men you talk about sounds horrible, and I hope that me and my partner never become those kinds of couples!
-Kati
Maybe that's also due to the media we are faced with, the stuff you can watch on TV shows is sometimes simply a complete lack of dignity...
DeleteFunny you mention this but I was watching American Greed last night and they had on one episode after another and everyone featured a man who committed fraudulent crimes via their companies so that they could wait for it...BUY THINGS. One decade of living the high life to spend 3-5 decades living in jail. I would say that behavior is based on emotion. Certainly not rational thinking.
ReplyDeleteAllie of ALLIE NYC
allienyc.com
I think about these things a lot. I ride the bus to work several times per week and have lots of time to analyze people's behavior and just people watch, etc...I definitely think society as a whole, or maybe it's our culture, has lost much of its social manners. We seem to be regressing in many ways. I notice that even when myself or someone on a bus smiles in the direction of a stranger or talks briefly about something the other person looks uncomfortable and unresponsive for the most part. I think many are afraid someone will want to take something away from them if they open up. I think that's why so many of us have turned to social media connections. It's a safer place to communicate and be accepted. It's harder to feel the rejection and coldness we feel in public or out on the street. I think it's strange indeed.
ReplyDeleteIt's always been imperative to me to smile at everyone I make eye contact with, to be nice to waiters (and everyone else as much as possible), and be attentive to what people might need in public (like if you can give up your spot in line to help someone). I don't do it for karma, but I do feel like it comes back to me. People often let me go ahead of them in line when they see I have a little girl and are just generally polite. I feel like a simple smile can really brighten the day of someone who's having a rough one.
ReplyDeleteEven though there aren't many rude experiences, the last one I had was at my favorite antique store. I was buying our TV console, my daughter was with me, and the girl working that day was unbelievably awful to us. Eye rolling, loud sighing, no eye contact, angry tone of voice, and general rudeness. But the real stickler came when I had to ask her to help me put the table into my car, and she got so mad that I finally told her to just go back inside. She left me with my toddler running around the car and half the table dangling out the back of the car. I had to ask a complete stranger walking by if he'd help me, and he was so nice and polite. It was like I had my faith in humanity destroyed and rebuilt within five minutes. Anytime someone is rude, I normally tell myself you just never know what's going on in their life. But this girl - she was so out of control that it's hard to overlook it. I had been SO nice and friendly to her until I just couldn't take it anymore. Anyway. The TV table was worth it. ;)
At first, I felt pity for the woman whose husband wouldn't shut up. But then she possibly has not set any boundaries for how she wants to be treated either. Not that it excuses his behavior. That's really just unbelievable. I'm glad you also had the other experience to rebuild your own faith in courtesy, even though it's sad how shocked she was that you were polite!
yes, common courtesy is disappearing! very sad. just one example - i'm on the road a lot and no one says thank you anymore when changing lanes. so irritating. i always, ALWAYS wave and/or say thank you.
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