Please don't read this if it's not for you.
I'm currently hypnopompic and lugubrious. Which are not excuses for my blue mood but candid explanations. Normally when I feel this way I stay silent. Today, I can't. Again, leave if you want. Nobody's paying you to be here.
I try -- strive and struggle, in fact -- to look at the bright side of human behavior. Observe and celebrate what's good about us. Not what's bad. Pollyanna is my role model. Bonhomie is my aspiration. But when I woke up this morning I remembered perfidy from two decades ago that made me question trusting others. And then I foolishly turned on social media to be reminded of the tough row I hoe.
The particulars of the first insult are unimportant. At the turn of the century I belonged to a motorcycle club into which I threw effort like a hot hippo jumping in cool water. My contributions were generally rewarded: I won an award for "Most Enthusiastic Member" and was twice elected President of the club. The feedback was nurturing. I endeavored to make participation in the group joyful. Under my leadership, membership surged, growing from a small handful of uninspired riders to several dozen excited ones. Everyone benefited, so I thought.
One member, who exploited our club's fellowship, sold me a car in a deceitful manner that breached the trust I assumed existed between us. He lied to my face about the vehicle's condition. I believed him, naively relying on trust. I quickly learned the car was so damaged as to be worthless. He compounded the injury by insisting I pay cash for the transaction, further insisting on counting bills in front of me because "you can't be too careful" with people. I was insulted by his overt mistrust.
Enough. An isolated event from long ago. Let's move on.
After recoiling from vivid memory of this sad affair I mistakenly turned on social media this morning and was exposed to hateful reactions to yesterday's Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR). Started in 1999 the Day is intended as a memorial for victims murdered with transphobia. If you don't know, the number of those victims is staggering.
When I grew up in the Sixties nobody unaffected knew about transgenderism. Rare instances were reported as a subject of surprise and ridicule. Actual people, like Christine Jorgensen, were fodder for widespread derision.
I hoped understanding and attitudes would improve in the future. Sixty years later I see they haven't. A decade ago invisibility turned into visibility which soon morphed into negative attention. Cynical politicians realized ignorance and hatred toward trans people can be weaponized the way ignorance and hatred toward other groups (gays, immigrants) always had. Now transgender is more frequently a term of opprobrium than description.
I used to annually mention the TDOR on Facebook to educate friends about it -- but I stopped when this topic became controversial. Seeing horrible things on my computer screen this morning had their intended effect. I have nothing further to say.
Ally, thank you for writing this. It takes courage to speak honestly about something so heavy, especially when the world seems determined to shout over compassion with cruelty. TDOR should be a moment of quiet remembrance and solidarity, but instead you were met with the very hatred and ignorance that make the day necessary in the first place. I’m really sorry you had to see that.
ReplyDeleteYour reflection on how things have changed, or haven’t, over the decades really resonates. Visibility should have brought understanding, empathy, and safety. Instead, as you said, it’s been twisted by people who see fear as a political tool. It’s heartbreaking to witness.
Even if you feel you have “nothing further to say,” what you shared here already matters. Honouring the people who’ve been lost, recognising the harm being done, and refusing to numb yourself to it, that is saying something. And it’s important.
Thank you for keeping this memory alive, even when it’s painful. I’m standing with you in wishing for a world where remembering people who’ve been killed for who they are is met with compassion instead of hateful noise.
Lotte x
https://stillinthepinkfog.blogspot.com/2025/11/a-tribute-of-light-and-memory.html
Thank you, Lotte. Your support and words mean a lot to me.
DeleteTo look for the good, to seek - and even support - the best in people; what a noble goal. 🩷
ReplyDeleteFar better - and yes, I'm judging here 🙂 - than those who seek to exploit others for their own selfish needs. The liars, the grifters, and the crooks.
I hope one day in the future, we won't need to remind folk, of the numbers of trans people - children, siblings, friends, partners, relatives, colleagues, parents! - who are no longer with us, because the killings will stop.
It may feel like a dark time now, but things will improve, lovely. The road of equality is uneven and filled with set backs and protests. We may always need to push, to keep an eye, and to look after each other.... but caring for others is what good folk do 🩷