I don't know about you but every morning when I wake up I have to re-calibrate my attitude after assessing my situation. Here are my realizations and responses:
Still blind -- Damn
Not totally blind -- Yay, I guess
Today's gonna be hard -- Ugh. But at least I'm not dead
This dialogue happens every day. My mind needs to do it because, in dreams, my vision is perfect. Asleep, my brain hasn't caught up to reality. Then I open my eyes and it spins up-to-speed.
I took the new Apellis eye injection last week. I have AMD and "Geographic Atrophy (GA)" only in my right eye at this time. One week out I am seeing some improvement as to brightness in the eye with AMD. I will never get back full vision in the right eye due to a retina scar, but improved brightness is a positive.
ReplyDeleteWow. Congratulations on the improvement. My vision has lost about half of its brightness so I know what being in the dark feels like. I don't believe there will ever be an improvement for me and hope you get more.
DeleteAh, the things that we experience in dreams!!! I have spent time with several people who are now dead who I met in my dreams, including my Father in Law. It always makes me sad when I wake but I am glad I got to see them again! Not quite the same as thinking your eye-sight is back- at least I gained something that I didn't have!
ReplyDeleteKxx
I've had that experience with people in dreams, too. It can be comforting. Thanks for sharing, dear friend.
DeleteI wonder if that's like "phantom limb" like people have when they've had an amputation? One of my coworkers recently lost his leg in an accident, and does a similar series of questions when waking. "Yup, leg's still gone, damn."
ReplyDeleteIt's quite amazing how adaptable the human brain is. I don't know if I could be as resilient as you, Ally, but I do thanks whatever gods may be for what I have.
And since I just quoted it, enjoy "Invictus": https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/51642/invictus
The "phantom limb" analogy is exactly accurate. For me, the primary visual impairment isn't poor acuity but rather darkness. What I see is only half as bright as what you see. Which is why, in dreams, when everything is as bright as "Barbie", I'm convinced life is normal again. My brain creates that illusion and it's what confuses me when I wake up. The shock (damn, still blind) comes from seeing darkness again.
DeleteLight has always been so important to humans. All the Winter festivals of light etc. That must be particularly hard!
DeleteYes, it's hard both practically (less ability to see details) and emotionally (dampening enthusiasm). I'm adjusting to both effects but with difficulty. Dreams in bright light mean so much to me now.
DeleteI'm not sure if it's been a consideration but I wonder if a light therapy lamp (especially for winter) might be beneficial for mood. I feel like i can commiserate but almost in reverse. My symptoms are worse first thing in the morning (abdominal pain often wakes me up). But at night after a day of meds, carefully chosen meals and activity I can almost feel normal for a moment and wonder why I've been so stressed and spending so much time and money on medical bills. Then the day restarts. I'm trying not to give up, but it makes living quite hard.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand and deeply sympathize. When we're in pain and discomfort it's hard to be cheerful. Instead we live for fleeting moments of pleasure which disappear way too fast. Sadly, for many including you, effort to avoid discomfort and find relief becomes a ceaseless task and sucks most of the joy out of life. I'm really sorry for you, Megan, and welcome your communication at all times even when it's about your unhappiness. I'm rooting for improvement in your health.
DeleteI can't imagine how difficult this must be. I often have dreams of my Dad still being alive and then wake to the sad realization of having lost him. Big hugs to you my friend.
ReplyDeleteSuzanne
Thanks, pal. But don't worry about me: I'm finding enough joy in life to offset the crap. Wasn't sure that would happen but it did. I'm going to be alright.
DeleteI do a "3 things" every night before I go to bed and recall 3 things I'm thankful for. It does help put rough days in perspective for me. My dogs are crawling all over me in the morning so I can't think anything lol
ReplyDeleteKaren @For What It's Worth
That's a valuable exercise and research has shown it to be effective. We all need to re-orient our brains from stress to relaxation and consciously focusing on good stuff does that. Thank you for sharing your smart technique!
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