There are milestones in life. Some are good, some are not. I just hit a bad one.
It's fun the first time you're asked for ID to get into a bar. Being "proofed" or "carded" is a sign of maturity. You feel like an adult. On the other end of the spectrum, however, nasty monsters lurk...
I went to my favorite thrift-store today to buy some strappy sandals to go with my next outfit. As I approach the store, I see a big sign "Senior Discount Tuesday!" Apparently they now give 20% off to seniors on Tuesdays. Okay, that's nice. Then I see that they define a "Senior" as anyone over 55 years old. Holy crap -- I'm 56!
Calm down, I tell myself. I'm not a senior. I'm not old. I'm middle-aged at worst -- and truly young at heart. I instruct myself not to take advantage of the discount, even though I'm technically entitled to it, so I can maintain my self-image. That's important.
I find some cute shoes and go to the register. The cashier takes one look at me and chirps, "Senior discount today?!" I grimace and say, "No thank you." She studies my face again and rings up my order. As I pull out my money, I vaguely realize the bill is slightly less than it should be. As soon as I get outside, I check my receipt and see the cashier applied the senior discount to my order, saving me two bucks. It even says so on my receipt. Right next to "Senior Discount" it says "Old Person In Denial."
While I knew this day was in my future, I didn't expect it to arrive now. So soon. While I'm still young. And healthy. And full of vigor.
Please, somebody, say something comforting. I'm dying here...