In a short period of time, I've travelled far. I started exploring my femininity in a serious way five years ago. Assessing where I am today, I'm surprised. This blog reflects that progress and it's manifest.
In the beginning, I was scared buying female clothes. I was nervous just shopping in women's stores. Now I'm utterly unfazed as I pick through skirts, purchase panties, and pop into precious boutiques.
Signs of development are everywhere. For the longest time, when I posted an outfit I surrounded it with lengthy explanation. Unknown to me, I was revealing anxiety about exposing my true self. I felt an urgent need to justify my behavior, as if I needed permission to present as female. Reading those posts now, they sound like desperate pleas for approval. Because they were.
I've moved past that point. I no longer worry about wearing anything and don't need anyone's permission to have fun. I welcome constructive criticism and learn from feedback. My self-esteem is no longer fragile. I've acquired confidence in my innate right to be myself.
My feminine development affects many areas of my life, like my friendships with other women. It heightens my understanding of common social experiences women have. Years of careful study have given me valuable insights in this area. And that reservoir of knowledge keeps growing.
To avoid disappointment, I don't look into the future. But I'm pleased with where I am. I'm on the right path and moving forward every day. Thank you for your encouragement and support which have made this journey possible.
Hugs!
All the hugs, Ally!
ReplyDeleteExcellent! Hugs to you, too. I find you to be such a kind and welcoming host/ess here; it's a warm place to come and visit.
ReplyDeleteThat's wonderful! It's my goal.
DeleteI have so much enjoyed following your journey over the past 5 years, Ally! And I'm so proud of you for giving yourself the permission to bloom and become the person you really are. You're a beautiful woman, inside and out.
ReplyDeleteAwww, thanks Sheila!
DeleteI'm really proud you, of your courage to be your true self, Ally. You are are really inspiring.
ReplyDeletexox
Thank you, Fuzzy. Your support means so much.
DeleteI think that's an excellent spot you've gotten to. I think we often rationalize why we're presenting what we are to the world when we can really be happiest 'just being.'
ReplyDeleteExactly! (You're so smart.)
DeleteA lovely post Ally. It is a journey, and it's nice to hear that the road you're traveling on has brought you here.
ReplyDeleteYup. And I didn't even know this place existed!
DeleteAww...I'm so glad to hear that you've come this far. You always seem genuine and true in your posts. It's funny that no matter how old we get, we still continue to evolve and learn...especially from ourselves :)
ReplyDeleteI'm happy for you!
xo Azu
It is wonderful to be included in your journey ... Thank you for sharing yourself and for always asking really important questions and raising issues that make me think.
ReplyDeleteLove you special one!!!
I think life would be so much easier if we could just stop analysing and rationalising everything and just trust our feelings. And let that emotianal, intuitive part of us show to the outside world and let other people just deal with it. Or not. Whatever. As we cannot control other people's reactions to us, why should we care so much how others see us? Just a thought, we waste so much time worrying about things we have no control over instead of just living our lives the way we see fit.
ReplyDeleteVery wise words. Modern life is full of misery and almost all of it is self-created.
DeleteHuggs...we all look for approval at many stages in life when we arent sure..i remember being most incosiderate of myself in my twenties resulting in getting into a relationship which was emotionally abusive n further alienated myself..looking back I cannot believe I did what I did to myself...but thats how i learnt the lesson of a lifetime-to respect myself!!
ReplyDeletewww.myunfinishedlife.com
Very true words. Thanks for sharing your personal history. It resonates with the rest of us.
DeleteCheers and hugs for you Ally. There's nothing quite so inspiring as feeling our own self-esteem and identity grow. The future holds good things, I am quite sure of it. And drinks again soon at an historic tavern. xox
ReplyDeletePatti
http://notdeadyetstyle.com
Thanks! And I'm always up for more fun with you, Patti.
DeleteMuch applause for your progress, what you've experienced is a difficult journey indeed. Now that you're on an uphill, I look forward to seeing where it takes you!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Michi.
DeleteSo happy you are moving forward on your journey : ) Most often it is ourselves that hold us back.
ReplyDeletebisous
Suzanne
Exactly! I tell people that we sometimes feel like we live in a prison but, in reality, we're the warden. We can open the gate at any time.
DeleteI love this so much and to see how far you have come. I can't imagine that it ever was an easy journey for you, but to know that each day gets a bit better... well, that's just the icing on the cake. It's so hard for anyone to put themselves in someone else's shoes... but I think we learn the most when we begin at least to try and understand.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to hear that Ally. I treasure your friendship and the beauty, passion, enthusiasm and joy you put into this beautiful place of your blog. I see a beautiful woman blossoming and knowing herself well, rather like you are going through your awkward adolescence (which we all had) and growing into your womanhood!x
ReplyDeleteby that, I mean, that you felt awkward and felt like you had to justify things,not that you were awkward inany way!x
ReplyDeleteThanks, buddy. I make my full share of mistakes -- sequins! -- but I learn from them and that's what counts.
DeleteWhat an uplifting post. Isn't it wonderful when we're able to look back and see change and growth? We can worry about so so many things and as Tiina has so rightly said, sometimes we just need to stop analysing and second guessing ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI celebrate and salute your ever growing confidence.
http://petitesilvervixen.blogspot.co.uk/
Thanks! (Big smile)
DeleteAnd hugs for you, dear friend. You enrich so many lives, you are so sweet and gentle with a quiet strength that is admirable. In some ways I think the irony of your experience is that it is a very typical female thing to feel guilt, and to apologise for being who you are. Women apologise for being strong and for not being. They feel somehow it is wrong to be very feminine in these times and yet women who are loud, brash and boisterous sometimes feel they must apologise for that too. I am a lifelong self-explainer. I have spent most of my life believing that whoever I am is somehow wrong or not good enough and I have tried to squash much of my feminine side in order to be 'strong'. The real me is more pink and flowery than I usually let on-lol. I am honoured to be getting to know you and read about your experiences. I admire you and learn from you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you, Ally, for the plethora of ways that enrich and inspire the lives of your friends and online readers, many of whom I know are one in the same.
ReplyDelete♥ Jessica
isn't that amazing? i'm so pleased with how far you've come on this journey.
ReplyDeleteSee?? Such a difficult subject and so well written. I say there is a writer in you. And I am really glad for you having achieved so much more confidence.
ReplyDeleteGreetje
THIS: "I've acquired confidence in my innate right to be myself." Oh, this. It's everything to me. Brings happy tears to my eyes.
ReplyDeleteI have that wonderful card that Suzanne made sitting in my office as a daily reminder to be confident and just be happy with me.
Love you!
The card she made with you and your quote on it, I mean!
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