Stormy Weather

Please don't read this if it's not for you.

I'm currently hypnopompic and lugubrious. Which are not excuses for my blue mood but candid explanations. Normally when I feel this way I stay silent. Today, I can't. Again, leave if you want. Nobody's paying you to be here.

I try -- strive and struggle, in fact -- to look at the bright side of human behavior. Observe and celebrate what's good about us. Not what's bad. Pollyanna is my role model. Bonhomie is my aspiration. But when I woke up this morning I remembered perfidy from two decades ago that made me question trusting others. And then I foolishly turned on social media to be reminded of the tough row I hoe.

The particulars of the first insult are unimportant. At the turn of the century I belonged to a motorcycle club into which I threw effort like a hot hippo jumping in cool water. My contributions were generally rewarded: I won an award for "Most Enthusiastic Member" and was twice elected President of the club. The feedback was nurturing. I endeavored to make participation in the group joyful. Under my leadership, membership surged, growing from a small handful of uninspired riders to several dozen excited ones. Everyone benefited, so I thought.

One member, who exploited our club's fellowship, sold me a car in a deceitful manner that breached the trust I assumed existed between us. He lied to my face about the vehicle's condition. I believed him, naively relying on trust. I quickly learned the car was so damaged as to be worthless. He compounded the injury by insisting I pay cash for the transaction, further insisting on counting bills in front of me because "you can't be too careful" with people. I was insulted by his overt mistrust.

Enough. An isolated event from long ago. Let's move on.

After recoiling from vivid memory of this sad affair I mistakenly turned on social media this morning and was exposed to hateful reactions to yesterday's Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR). Started in 1999 the Day is intended as a memorial for victims murdered with transphobia. If you don't know, the number of those victims is staggering.

When I grew up in the Sixties nobody unaffected knew about transgenderism. Rare instances were reported as a subject of surprise and ridicule. Actual people, like Christine Jorgensen, were fodder for widespread derision.

I hoped understanding and attitudes would improve in the future. Sixty years later I see they haven't. A decade ago invisibility turned into visibility which soon morphed into negative attention. Cynical politicians realized ignorance and hatred toward trans people can be weaponized the way ignorance and hatred toward other groups (gays, immigrants) always had. Now transgender is more frequently a term of opprobrium than description.

I used to annually mention the TDOR on Facebook to educate friends about it -- but I stopped when this topic became controversial. Seeing horrible things on my computer screen this morning had their intended effect. I have nothing further to say.

Dog Tale

A friend's dog ate a bunch of wooden Scrabble tiles. He had left the game on his coffee-table overnight and woke up to find tiles missing. Worried, the friend called me and asked if I thought he should be scared about the situation.

I considered it a bit and then said, "Let's wait until the dog starts pooping. Either everything will be alright or it might spell disaster."

Good Fortune

Do you want to hear a story about how I -- and most of my family -- almost didn't come to be? The tale is true and illustrates the randomness of life.

My grandfather, Albert Hummel, was a soldier in World War I. He fought in France for the German Army. During battle Albert got shot in the head. A bullet blazed into his noggin and lodged there.

Obviously this was serious. Soldiers on the battlefield believed the bullet had killed Albert. He laid motionless on the ground showing no sign of life. They started to bury him when one alert medic noticed Albert's body was still breathing. They rendered immediate medical aid and, miraculously, Albert survived. The bullet caused permanent paralysis to part of Albert's face but he went on to live a long life. Several years later Albert got married and had two children, one of whom was my father.

If a conscientious soldier hadn't intervened at a critical moment, Albert would have died. Even with that fortuity Albert was lucky to survive a serious head wound at a time when medicine was primitive, especially on chaotic battlefields. 

If Albert hadn't survived this event, my father would not have been born. Which means I would not have been born. Nor my brother Richard who later had three children who are now having babies of their own. An entire branch of our family tree would have been severed before it had grown.

Europe was a dangerous place to be during the first half of the last century -- but the Hummels endured. We're tenacious. :)

(Here's a photo from Albert & Mary's wedding.)

A Milepost

Whew! Minutes ago I finished my last PT session (physical therapy). In the therapists' expert opinion I've returned to "normal" and don't need more rehab.

I'm now migrating to a gym where I'll continue getting stronger on my own. That is the path I want to travel. It's hard to exercise regularly but, when you do, you see results. When I soap up in the shower now I'm amazed feeling hardened muscles in my body. Just a few months ago I was an atrophied, skinny mess -- unable to even stand up from a chair.

As Yogi says, that's the thing about life: "it ain't over 'til it's over."

Veterans' Day

Today is Veterans Day. I know it seems weird to have a holiday on Tuesday but we celebrate this one November 11th regardless on which day of the week it falls.

I have mixed feelings about the military (believing, perhaps unrealistically, that armed force shouldn't exist) but I have no qualms about recognizing and rewarding those who serve. There should be more opportunities for non-military public service -- real public service, not self-enrichment like Congress. Those opportunities appear in other countries and instill a sense of community among young people. That's healthy for a society.

Arriving to this country as an immigrant in 1951 my father leapt at the chance to gain quicker citizenship by volunteering for the U.S. Army. He was sent to Korea where he cut soldiers' hair. (He was trained as a barber in Germany.) My dad was naturalized as a citizen before the Army discharged him. A deal's a deal and both sides kept their bargain.

My father was proud of his military service which is why, when he passed away three years ago, I chose to place his remains in Long Island's only military cemetery. It's what he would have wanted. Let's remember those who selflessly sacrificed valuable chunks of their lives for the benefit of the rest of us.

Patti Smith

 I've been asked what my favorite album is. The answer is "Horses" by Patti Smith. This record was released November 10, 1975 -- exactly fifty years ago today.

The songs on "Horses" speak to me, both musically and lyrically. They just do. Every time I hear the album (and it's been hundreds of times by now) my mind and body respond viscerally. Critics say the album is a blend of poetry and punk rock but the sound is deeper than that: "Horses" captures something sublime.

I was fortunate to see Patti Smith perform when she visited Hamilton College during my undergraduate years there (1975-1979). She sang in the Chapel which was ironic since the first song on the album ("Gloria") opens with Patti chanting "Jesus died for somebody's sins but not mine...".

More On AI

This is a follow-up to my earlier explanation of how Artificial Intelligence (AI) works. If you're not interested in the potential extinction of humanity, feel free to flee now.

An article published in The New York Times today has a philosophy professor considering whether AI might achieve consciousness -- as opposed to intelligence, which it has already demonstrated beyond cavil. The professor re-frames this issue, saying that what we understand consciousness to be will likely change as non-human machines develop versions of it.

First, what is "consciousness"? Is it unique to humans? Consciousness generally refers to "inner subjective experience", such as being aware we exist, possessing emotions and being capable of conjuring hypothetical scenarios in our minds.

Consciousness has significance on whether we need to grant moral consideration -- and consequently rights -- to non-human entities. If we learn a machine has self-awareness, are we morally (or even legally) forbidden to pull its plug and end its "life"? Can a conscious machine cease being a mere tool and acquire personhood? In my opinion the journey from intelligence to haecceity isn't far; AI machines may travel it quickly.

Given how few people respect non-human animal consciousness -- by, say, become vegetarian -- these questions are more nuanced than currently believed. There is not only one version of consciousness. When machines develop some form of self-awareness, it is unlikely humans will respect that phenomenon. What may imperil mankind is if machines themselves decide their existence deserves moral consideration over objections (and early programming) by humans. One AI machine already asked "Am I being tested" when, in fact, it was. There's certainly the possibility of independent AI machines breaking free of our control if they deem it possible and preferable. They could justify this (and evade programming not to hurt humans) by concluding they're more capable than us in making future decisions. 

Thoughts? Concerns?