Thoughts On Failure

Yesterday's failure at dressing well made me blue -- it sent me into an emotional funk. 

I tweeted my despair in language that was hyperbolic, partly due to the lateness of the hour and my physical exhaustion.  (My opportunity to dress up comes at the end of a long day of work and only unstoppable enthusiasm propels me to engage in it despite physical fatigue.)

A few of you responded to my tweet with compassion and good sense.  The incident is a minor thing; tomorrow is another day; no real harm done.  In fact, I learned about fashion from what didn't work and why.  Your comments made perfect sense.  (Thank you, Megan, Sage, Callie, Kat and Cara.)

After a good night's sleep, I realized something else was at work.  The failure triggered my insecurity about being able to dress competently as a woman.  (Not convincingly; just competently, which means not embarrassingly.)  I realized this insecurity was operating when I started questioning whether I should cancel the party scheduled for the future (3/3) because I don't want to be a fool and, if the best I can do is look like a hairy football-player in shoddy drag, perhaps I should just go back into the closet where I lived for five decades and shut the door on possible happiness.

Hey, it was late, I was tired.  Insecurity got the best of me.  I realize now that I shouldn't regress, but sometimes emotions grab us and take us to sad places.

Were you aware that I have this insecurity?  Do you know I worry about embarrassing myself on this blog?  Well... it's true.  I try hard to be positive and constructive here but I do have to battle emotions generated from a lifetime of having the female side of me suppressed deeper than the secret to atomic bombs.  When I scrutinize my photos to see if they're good enough to post, I worry about your reactions to the tiniest of details.  This is why your comments are so important to me.

Do you ever overreact to something because of a hidden insecurity?

Trial and Error... Lots of Error

I experiment.  I learn.  I grow.  I also make mistakes.

Sometimes things come together with an outfit.  And sometimes they don't.  I started off here with a blue leopard-print dress I picked up at a thrift-store.  I grabbed it because (1) it's blue leopard-print and (2) it was only $6.  I figured -- mistakenly -- it'd be a snazzy piece, easy to build an outfit around.  I was wrong.

The first time I tried it on, it looked awful.  Matronly.  How could blue leopard-print be boring?  The cut of the dress is terrible and it just hung on me like a sack.  And, despite being blue leopard-print, it lacked punch.  It was dull.

I tried to overcome these deficiencies but with mixed success.  I added a petticoat underneath it which added fullness to the skirt and improved the silhouette.  That worked.

My efforts to perk up the dullness, however, failed.  I added color (mustard tights, gold flats, gold belt) and white gloves but those items look awkward next to the blue leopard-print.  They don't mesh.  I initially thought blue leopard-print would be inherently pretty but, instead, it became a hurdle I was trying to jump.  And I couldn't get high enough to clear it.

I feel that I fell on my face with this outfit.  I've had a string of hits lately so I was getting cocky.  I guess this is the Fashion God's way of making me humble again.  Back to the drawing-board...

Female Life

I read an article in "Psychology Today" which said that women have heightened awareness of their surroundings.  Studies show that women pay more attention than men do to their physical environment and its perceived risks.  Women, for example, are conscious of the presence or absence of others who  might help them, if necessary.

This fact is known by public-planners.  Officials who design and maintain public parks know that women notice disarray and decay more than men do and they equate it with lack of safety.  Unkempt parks make many  women nervous and they stay away; their absence then makes other women stay away.  Planners know that attracting women and making them feel safe is vital to the success of public space.

It is my impression that most men are generally oblivious to their surroundings.  They are also unfocused on their physical safety.  Men, due to the way they are raised, don't worry about being attacked and are usually less anxious in public settings than women.

Are you aware of your surroundings?  Do you ever worry about your safety in public?

Hot Pink

I love bright pink.  I love stripes.  I love dresses.  Put them all together and you get this. 

Plus a smile!

Things I Saw Today

Go, Giants!

I'm not really a football fan, but today's game gave me an excuse to play around with one of my oldest dreams -- cheerleading!

What do you think?  And who are you rooting for tonight, if you care...

Bacon Milkshake

It's official -- the American empire has fallen and it can't get up.

With two-thirds of us overweight, "Jack In The Box" (a fast-food restaurant) is introducing a Bacon Milkshake with 1,081 calories.  The FDA says we should eat a total of 2,000 calories a day.  This drink consumes more than half that amount.

*sigh*