Why do women work so hard at their appearance?
I understand the joys of clothes, makeup and grooming, but they come at a cost, in terms of time, finances and effort. What do women get in return for that?
I was reading another blog this week and it suggested a reason I'd never considered before. Disputing the common belief that women try to look good to attract a mate, the blogger said that women make this effort in an attempt to gain some control over their lives. The blogger said that, psychologically, it makes women feel more secure to have greater control over their personal interactions and social circumstance and, by altering their appearance, they can affect these things.
The blogger also refuted a reason many women assert for why they do this: e.g., to look good for themselves. She argued that, if you lived on a deserted island, why would you put on makeup? Isn't "beauty" an attempt to look better for others to see?
What do you think? Why do you put effort into looking good?
I think sometimes I would put makeup on if I lived in a deserted island. I spent a good portion of my vacation NOT wearing make up, and it was a relief to look in the mirror and see the face I wanted to see on days that I did. I also was more productive those days, and in a better mood. My sister used to go into exams wearing skirts or dress pants with nice blouses and sweaters -- a drastic change from the jeans and t-shirts which she went to class in -- because she said it made her feel like she could concur the world.
ReplyDeleteI feel males also have this tendency -- I questioned why my husband wore a pair of navy chinos on a Friday (which is often a jeans day in many work places), when he wears jeans every other day of the week. He said: "I was out of sweaters and I felt like a farmer with a plaid shirt tucked into jeans. I can't write (computer) code if I think I'm a farmer!"
I've been really thinking about your comments on menswear being boring, especially as I watch my husband carve out his own professional style. While I'm still trying to get him bold enough to... gasp... wear a tie (with a hoodie, so he still looks casual and youthful) to his IT job, he is having a lot of fun playing with colour combinations. In fact, I was so impressed with his pairing of deep teal and a burnt orange the other day, I had to replicate it myself! I did question him once on why he felt comfortable to experiment with colour and not with accessories, and he said: "with colour, if someone doesn't like it, I can chalk it up to: 'Whatever, I just threw on what was clean.' But if I put on a tie, and someone comments, I can't chalk it up to 'oops, it accidentally slipped around my neck'."
Women may work hard at their appearance, but I also think men do as well. We work hard to make it look like everything we do is intentional -- but effortless. Men work hard to make sure everything they do is unintentional, and effortless.
Brilliant point, buddy. Your last paragraph is a gem.
DeleteI am disturbed by my comment: "see the face I wanted to see" On one hand, it's great to know that we have the power to change, but concerning that we feel the need to change.
DeleteAnyone who even remotely cares about fashion knows that clothing is a form of expression while also being a reflection of our own personality. At least being a member of society, I feel I want to present myself in a presentable and acceptable manner. So I make the effort to make myself look and feel good for my own well-being as well as to be better accepted by people. People are not going to know everything about me just by looking at me, but I at least want to be accepted and respected by others.
ReplyDeleteAs for this outfit, that's a nice color block dress, but I really love those peep-toe pumps. Make this year a great one!
johnbmarine.blogspot.com
Loving the color block dress on you, honey. :-)
ReplyDeleteI guess women really do work on their appearance. I mean, I feel like I'm such a slob about my looks (no make up, never blow dry my hair) that I forget how much effort is put into it by other people (for example, the lipstick smudge on my boss's coffee cup the other day kind of fascinated me because she never looks like she's wearing make up). From a personal view, I feel it's a personal aesthetic choice. I hear people commenting on my style and saying things like "it's just a phase" and "she'll grow out of it" like I'm some kind of teenager. No- I just like the way I look. I would get with me. If I were on a desert island (or holed up in my own home for a week straight with no outside company) I would still wear combat boots and dresses and it would be because I like them. Not for anyone else.
Too much?
Just enough. :)
DeleteI think that all women have different reasons for wearing the make-up and/or clothes they wear. Some do it to make other women jealous, some do it to feel in control, some do it to attract, some do it to repel, some do it to fit in and others do it for a myriad of other reasons. I think that all anyone can do, blogger, academic, journalist, is speak to why *they* wear/do what they do. Everything else is just guesswork that may resonate with some women, but certainly won't with everyone.
ReplyDeleteThis is, of course, just my opinion and an admittedly unfounded one. Personally, I don't wear a lot of make-up because my face doesn't interest me that much. I don't think I'm beautiful and refuse to waste time trying to be seen as beautiful by others. Clothing-wise, I wear what makes me happy, not necessarily what others would find attractive, pleasing or stylish.
Hope you're having a lovely new year so far!
Gracey
From me, Gracey, I think your face is beautiful.
DeleteAs long as I have a mirror, part of what I wear is done for me. There are days when I don't go anywhere at all. My honey says I'm beautiful no matter what. So why do it? Because I feel better about me. And because of that I have a better day. If wearing makeup and a nice outfit makes me have a better day, why not?
ReplyDeleteI make an effort because it makes me feel more confident, that I'm putting my best foot forward, that I'm always looking my best. I also want to express myself through what I wear - as an artistic person, I want to play with colour and fabric and shape. I want to project a certain image, not just "I'm sexy" but "I'm quirky and creative." As I get older, the more I realize that I do dress for reactions from others as well as dressing for my own pleasure!
ReplyDeleteThis is a truly fascinating topic for sure, and one which I suspect whole books could easily be written on. I know that for me, as far back as I've had memories, I've loved overtly girly things, and by extension this includes beautiful clothes, make-up, and lovely hairstyles. I never felt (and was often told point blank that I wasn't, including by some relatives) attractive as a child/teen and I know that in some regards that further bolstered my desire to make sure that I always (or nearly always at least) presented a version of my self to the world that I felt most confident with, and which helped me to feel a little less insecure about my appearance. Lest that sound unintentionally "victimy", beyond that, I just love the ritual of getting ready, selecting my outfit (I never stopped being the child who loved playing dress up), hunting for vintage treasures to add to my wardrobe, and feeling good about how I look, regardless of if anyone is going to see me that day or not. Were I ever to be stranded on a dessert island, if I had my make-up with me, I really do believe I'd keep applying it until it ran out - as least I'd have something besides picking coconuts to keep me busy. :)
ReplyDelete♥ Jessica
As you answered in my post about clothes : my answer here is that there is no one single correct answer.
ReplyDeleteTake some glamour model and the reason is obvious, they put all the effort on their looks because they want to success in the path they have chosen.
Someone really (sadly) think she can attract a better guy by being glammed up.
Someone might just want status among other women.
Someone else does it out of insecurity (when I was younger, my issue was this. I was assured I look like a horrible monster if my make up and hair is not 100% prim and proper)
Nowadays I do it out of fun, my style is experimental and I ain't spending loads of money on my looks. Most happy for me :)
xo, L
http://rockteraptor.blogspot.fi/
I dress to make myself feel good, but I know many women (and men) use clothes as a form of communication. Which is why we dress for others. We want to say different things without saying "I'm a professional" or "I'm in the mood". Of course everyone isn't always using their clothes to talk, which is why face judgements can be difficult.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't wear make up on a desert island. I don't wear make up as is. If I DO, it's because I want to feel more powerful or flirtatious, but I suppose I agree with Gracey. I'm not interested in adding to my face.
I definitely wear makeup to have some kind of control. When things are getting crazy in my life (that's most days), it makes me feel more capable when I see my made-up reflection. Like, "It's OK. I got this. I'm not as far gone as I thought."
ReplyDeleteI never really thought about it, now i'm baffled.
ReplyDeleteXo Megan, www.TfDiaries.com
For me makeup is about covering up my disgusting spotty face. I am still plagued with acne even in my 30s and nothing I do gets rid of it. So I wear a light foundation whenever anyone might see me, it gives me confidence as I believe that people who see me won't notice me or my skin.
ReplyDeleteI don't, though, wear eye or lip make up unless I am "making an effort" to go out with my friends or family. I hardly ever wear it to work. I think for me the idea of getting ready to go out - putting on a nice top and some eye liner - gets me in the mood for a social get together, it adds to the expectation of the evening.
Oh and I think the majority of women dress for women rather than men. We want to fit in, look the part, we can't help but compare ourselves to other men. If we are looking for a date then we might think about what a man might think, but in general I think when we dress we will be thinking about what girls will think of us and whether we'll look good stood next to our friends or the other women we will meet.
I'd like to say that I put most of my effort into my appearance for creative fulfillment but I really think about 50% of it is because my husband is 10 years younger and I feel like I need to look my best so I don't look so much older than him. The other 50% I'd have to agree with Zoe's third paragraph above. To fit in with other woman who I admire which then feeds into my own self-esteem.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really interesting post. I just read through the comments and it was very informative to see what others said. I am not a huge make up person, but usually a swipe of lipstick makes me feel a little more pulled together. I love to dress up because it makes me feel good, especially if I am having a crappy day. My husband said he loves the way I look make up or no make up or a hot dress or sweat pants.
ReplyDeleteI always love your posts because they make everyone interact and think! Heather
Oh, but if I lived on a deserted island, I'd probably do nothing BUT play around with makeup, hair, and clothes -- what else would there be to do all day??
ReplyDeleteI'd say my main motivation for working on my appearance has to do with the feeling of pampering myself and taking great care with my physical being. When I carefully apply my face cream, select the perfect shade of eyeliner, pluck my brows, etc. I feel I've treated my physical self with reverence and love. What's funny is that often I don't in fact care who the audience is; if push comes to shove and I run out of time in the morning, I might bail on doing anything special with my hair, or just throw on any old outfit, because it's "only" the people at the office who'll see me -- even if I just spent 30 minutes doing my makeup or fixing my nail polish. It isn't about looking a particular way so much as it is about making the effort -- whatever effort that might be -- for myself.
Fascinating point, Audi, which hasn't been said here before. Thanks.
DeleteI need to start checking my blogroll on weekends :)
ReplyDeleteSo here's my attempt at this. I think a lot of the time, women dress to impress other women. As a woman in a LTR, I never dress to impress men (unless the bf and I are having a stay-home-date-night, haha). I wear things that I like, but I also wear things that I think might get compliments. Everyone likes compliments :)
And as far as makeup goes, I do a lot of it for myself. The ritual of sitting down and painstakingly applying makeup to look just perfect gets me pumped up for a night on the town like nothing else can!
i wear makeup to hide my flaws and to feel more confident about myself. i dress up because i just like to. i feel great when my makeup is applied perfectly and my outfit comes together nicely. getting looks is an added bonus.
ReplyDeleteon some levels, it does have to do with what others think (being that i'm not always made up and dressed at home), but as long as i'm still myself, dressing in what makes me confortable, i think it's ok and natural.
[oomph.]
I absolutely love this dress on you! I also like how you paired it with pink pumps, although I feel closed-toe, pointy heels would be even better.
ReplyDeleteAlly, I often think about this very question when I take my own style photos, shop for clothes when I don't need any, or spend a long period reading style blogs. I think we are sort of conditioned as female children, as well as by the media. Being a little cynical, I sometimes think about how much money a bunch of fat cat cosmetics company owners make off my obsession to find the perfect eyeliner or lipstick. I also think many women enjoy the expression of their own and other women's personality and style. We do talk rather much about clothes, hair, and make-up. Not all the time, but well, certainly more than my male friends do. The Absent-Minded Professor calls my clothes my "hobby". Hmmm, I always thought my hobbies were reading, painting, and playing the flute.
ReplyDeleteLooking pulled together, I think it gives me confidence. If I look good, I feel good and can take over the world ;)
ReplyDeleteand also presents a positive image of myself to others.
Good question. I think that I feel more powerful and confident when I wear makeup and more joyful when I wear something that makes me want to dance. I just got back from being on the other side of the world for 15 months. For the last 3 I was in SE Asia where it was so so so hot. I didn't know anyone, didn't need to impress anyone and it was sort of time out of time. I stopped wearing makeup entirely (it would have melted off anyway). But 3 days back in Canada I was putting makeup on again, even if I didn't leave the house. What is that about? Maybe I feel like I want to present the best version of my face so that finding a job, car and house doesn't seem as overwhelming?? Something to think about for sure.
ReplyDelete