tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post8638198164426440774..comments2024-03-27T21:17:11.920-04:00Comments on Shybiker: Secure & InsecureShybikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15263331247319768989noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-83158084735760626522016-12-30T21:21:18.696-05:002016-12-30T21:21:18.696-05:00Thank you, Pat. You're one of the rare people ...Thank you, Pat. You're one of the rare people who get it.Shybikerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15263331247319768989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-39973062747354782122016-12-30T13:41:24.544-05:002016-12-30T13:41:24.544-05:00Ally
I totally get the nature of your duality. As...Ally<br />I totally get the nature of your duality. As a hard charging guy I have to be tough. In my practice I am always honest but as a defense attorney I have to take a lot of hits filling in for the clients that I represent in civil matters. I cannot say that the abuse and the slings and arrows do not hurt...clearly they do...but, from my old sporting days you can never let them see you sweat...never let them see fear in your eyes...never let them think that they are getting to you. Without being able to maintain the wall around us, the aura of invincibility neither you nor I could have remotely succeeded in our profession.<br /><br />On the other hand we need an outlet. A safe place. A place to vent. A place where we can shed the armor and expose ourselves to the sunlight.<br /><br />In my suit and tie I need to be a champion on behalf of my clients. You have that same primary responsibility. By changing to a dress, hose and heels we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable. We can turn off the hard realities of trying to make a living and trying to do well by our clients and we can find a place of peace, serenity and beauty.<br /><br />I more than enjoy my girl time...I often need to jump out of the tasseled loafers and find myself in a cute pair of pumps.<br /><br />PatPat Scaleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00148601231866277374noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-31929297284490830172013-07-09T22:30:13.324-04:002013-07-09T22:30:13.324-04:00Thank you, Jamie. Such sweet words.Thank you, Jamie. Such sweet words.Shybikerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15263331247319768989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-36684164141533768962013-07-09T21:23:25.388-04:002013-07-09T21:23:25.388-04:00Wow, I'm so glad you wrote this post. I'm ...Wow, I'm so glad you wrote this post. I'm sorry that you were hurt by the comments of someone apparently not blessed with much tact. Thinking of you crying based upon that makes me want to comfort you and I have no idea how. Being secure in yourself is something that is fought for everyday. Insecurities are what make us sympathetic and kind toward others too. Feeling hurt can help mold our behavior to not hurt others (including ourselves). I'm insecure about everything and am continuously fighting those insecurities. I still feel them, but I progressively and aggressively fight them. If I start feeling insecure about my body, for example, I confront those feelings head on and tell myself that I'm beautiful and actively try to change my feelings. Man, sorry about the long and somewhat confusing pep talk! Ha! I just want you to know that femininity comes with many insecurities and you don't have to feel alone in them or let them make you feel unsure of yourself. If you feel good, that is all that matters. You are one of the kindest people I've met in the blogging world and I've always taken your encouragement with delight. Let me encourage you now. You. are. beautiful.<br />-Jamie<br /><a href="http://chatterblossom.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">ChatterBlossom</a>ChatterBlossomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16812718292807106583noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-65648387923825589602013-07-09T16:38:23.897-04:002013-07-09T16:38:23.897-04:00Thanks. We're complex people and I accept tha...Thanks. We're complex people and I accept that. Fitting our pieces together isn't easy but I don't want to be a simpleton like others out there. I'm okay with struggle if it leads to enlightenment.Shybikerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15263331247319768989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-16300653479240548152013-07-09T16:36:03.587-04:002013-07-09T16:36:03.587-04:00Thanks, buddy. I appreciate your perspective and ...Thanks, buddy. I appreciate your perspective and personal experience. Yes, I'm in an odd position of being both immature in one way and very mature in another. Reconciling those things is interesting.Shybikerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15263331247319768989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-42483130662225699472013-07-09T12:02:04.909-04:002013-07-09T12:02:04.909-04:00I've been thinking about how I want to respond...I've been thinking about how I want to respond to this, so sorry for the late comment. <br /><br />I think you've really touched on a nerve of what it actually IS to be female. That is, words tend to hurt us a lot more than they hurt men. I have such vivid memories of reading some comment on MySpace/AIM/whatever that was negative about me, and feeling like I'd been punched in the gut. And crying and crying and crying about it. <br /><br />Not that it's a good thing that you feel this way. Embrace the emotionality, because that's such an innately feminine thing, but learn to view criticism not as an insult, but as a chance to improve. You have a unique struggle in that you're something of a pre-teen girl (learning the "rules of femininity," as it were) while also being a mature adult. It's not easy, but you're incredibly brave to face a world that is less than accepting.Emmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01034234729214154096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-26776398158417562582013-07-09T09:36:38.570-04:002013-07-09T09:36:38.570-04:00This post really spoke to me. Something about reve...This post really spoke to me. Something about revealing the extent of your vulnerability and your determination to grow out of your insecurity is so beautiful. It's something I can relate to, and therefore I really appreciate your openness on the subject. <br /><br />In regards to your schizophrenia comment, I feel I understand where you're coming from. I too have felt the fear of potentially having a multiple personality disorder resulting from my inability to merge my personality into a single package. I've often feared not knowing who it is that I really am versus who I've been conditioned to be, which ... isn't a pleasant feeling. <br /><br />I hope that in time you may be able to develop the ability to feel confident in your feminine self. I would imagine part of the process in this would be to be more public with Ally. <br /><br />I received your fun La Poubelle card. Thank you! The photo really looks great printed on luster paper. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-43597017014495934082013-07-09T09:09:22.973-04:002013-07-09T09:09:22.973-04:00I understand how you became this way: I have close...I understand how you became this way: I have close friends who grew up with the same difficult family-situation and developed the same traits. Thank you for sharing, Jessica.Shybikerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15263331247319768989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-12415806408090792622013-07-09T03:38:31.352-04:002013-07-09T03:38:31.352-04:00Ally, I truly admire the way that you so frankly, ...Ally, I truly admire the way that you so frankly, sincerely open up your heart and soul to us on your blog. You make me feel more comfortable to do the same online myself, too. <br /><br />One of the most striking areas where this kind of duality has always surfaced for me relates to confrontation. I have a massive fear/dislike of almost any kind of negative confrontation and try to avoid it like the plague when it comes to my own interactions with people (though, if push comes to show, I will). However, I will happily defend and go to bat for someone I care about with every inch of might and fight in my being. It's as though I have zero qualms with defending those I hold dear, yet get often tongue tied (no joke) if I even marginally find myself in a confrontational situation. I think part of this stems from the fact that, growing up, I always fiercely protected my siblings (I'm the oldest child) from my tyrannical (biological) father as best I could, as well as trying to shield and defend them from anyone, or anything, else that could have caused them harm.<br /><br />♥ Jessica Witchcrafted Lifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02992822472797191121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-67253804974289988502013-07-08T08:52:45.091-04:002013-07-08T08:52:45.091-04:00Ugh, I have so many insecurities. But I think I hi...Ugh, I have so many insecurities. But I think I hide them well. Knowing you has taught me so much about life. I'm glad we met. :-)<br /><br />ToadMamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04873763565941746536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-58903301952357476742013-07-08T08:35:04.192-04:002013-07-08T08:35:04.192-04:00I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things improve...I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things improve for you. I never heard the word "wibbles" before but can infer its meaning from context. Thanks for sharing.Shybikerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15263331247319768989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-61508080212019009022013-07-08T08:32:44.958-04:002013-07-08T08:32:44.958-04:00I have crippingly low self esteem and have done si...I have crippingly low self esteem and have done since I was little, there isn't a thing about me that people (including 'friends' and family) haven't ripped apart at some point. I do struggle quite a bit but for the past few years believe I have finally found me which gives me the confidence to continue on as I am, even if I have transgressed back to how I liked to dress when I was ten! <br /><br />I do have wibbles though, big wibbles, especially when a remark or judgemental stare from someone resembling the sort of stranger that would criticise me in the past sparks the bad memory.Melaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12238571735302117986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-62106116271694151452013-07-08T07:57:03.091-04:002013-07-08T07:57:03.091-04:00You are so positive and really put things into per...You are so positive and really put things into perspective. I can definitely relate. Fashion and dressing up is the only thing in the whole world I actually feel secure about, everything else I have extreme insecurity and anxiety over. If someone didn't like what I was wearing I wouldn't mind because I feel confident in that area. But if someone criticised me in any other way I would go away and cry about it for days. I hope you continue to grow and gain more confidence with your female identity. I know you are already coming so far. Imogenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02595505974844771279noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-51313896554923667192013-07-08T02:15:33.238-04:002013-07-08T02:15:33.238-04:00I think balance is the key. If you feel like sobbi...I think balance is the key. If you feel like sobbing - do so. If you feel you should be angry at that point - feel so. If you don't want to pay attention - get thicker skin. I think it's just a point of view. It's not about gender at all. Female or male we are different. Some of us more sensitive, some of us not. For me criticism is not a matter of any emotion at all (or I may be grateful) but when it's coming to 'you can't do that' I may sob like a baby (esp if I actually can't). Taking the other point - my husband. He feels very upset when it goes to criticism like 'your shirt doesn't go with this outfit' but feels nothing when someone tells him that someone does something better than him or he is not able to do something etc. it's just a point of the safe place as you've shown. What does Ralph feel if someone says e.g. 'your tie doesn't go with this suit' thing? Is there a point where Ralph doesn't feel safe and Ally does? (sorry for making a double you here).<br /><br />oh and if someone hurts you bad - you know I'm very skilled in punching and can make it look like it's not menmade :)Lyosha Varezhkinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02778662663180638470noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-26022843753294144202013-07-06T06:25:59.649-04:002013-07-06T06:25:59.649-04:00You're beautiful to me.You're beautiful to me.Shybikerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15263331247319768989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-4902945864199849162013-07-05T22:26:30.477-04:002013-07-05T22:26:30.477-04:00i'm secure when it comes to my beauty knowledg...i'm secure when it comes to my beauty knowledge and such, thus allowing me to come across as secure on my blog. but in real life, i'm very introverted and shy. i'm very insecure about my looks. people are so mean to me in person, even as an adult. it isn't every day, and it isn't every comment i receive, but it still stings. i'm a beautiful person on the inside, but i long for the day to be seen on the outside as such.Elle Seeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01700861489513811406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-65739963996785020772013-07-05T16:14:58.546-04:002013-07-05T16:14:58.546-04:00There is always insecurity. I've not yet been ...There is always insecurity. I've not yet been able to do anything for myself until recently, in the last couple of years. It will always be there but you've got to work through it and take a step each daySelinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18215629620223943455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-26678474062531874952013-07-05T15:07:18.503-04:002013-07-05T15:07:18.503-04:00Oh, if that were only an option...Oh, if that were only an option...Shybikerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15263331247319768989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-68810680076463226432013-07-05T15:05:53.820-04:002013-07-05T15:05:53.820-04:00You're right, on all counts. Thanks, Ashley.You're right, on all counts. Thanks, Ashley.Shybikerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15263331247319768989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-43239498854042638662013-07-05T14:06:36.319-04:002013-07-05T14:06:36.319-04:00Oh I am sorry to hear this - the way you explain i...Oh I am sorry to hear this - the way you explain it makes all the sense in the world.<br />You are a strong grown up male but Ally is just a child.<br />I have to admit to many insecurities, however I try to keep a lid on them as i tend to think that the moment i put them out there, it will work against me... so I am just very careful on who i share what with.Lorenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16720997862417551402noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-5268364893231541692013-07-05T13:46:45.758-04:002013-07-05T13:46:45.758-04:00Oh goodness, I totally understand this!!! Yes, I a...Oh goodness, I totally understand this!!! Yes, I am really confident about some things a and then others, I am a wreck! My vicar at church recently said that he doesn't understand how I can be such an astounding musician and yet, when I am asked to play piano at church, that I become all nervous and shy, when I play piano at school all the time. He couldn't understand it. I maintain that, whilst, flute (and recorder and singing) are things that I have done well all my life, piano is something I have had to really really work at and I find it hard, and I make mistakes at it all the time. I find it a lot harder too! And it's really obvious when I make mistakes. <br />It's great you are aware of your insecurity as a woman because it is something you can work at if you are now aware of it (or more aware!!) Thanks for sharing! xxKezziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15705356707599121605noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-49548174265746517332013-07-05T11:06:12.400-04:002013-07-05T11:06:12.400-04:00I think that, as you grow as a woman, your insecur...I think that, as you grow as a woman, your insecurities will lessen and you'll develop a thicker skin. I know that most teenagers--being on the advent of womanhood, as corny as that sounds--are VERY insecure. Why? Because all of this is new for them. I remember crying my eyes out and being very depressed when I was about 13 after a group of kids had a heyday commenting on my physical appearance. The same thing happened a couple of years later and not a tear was shed. Did it still affect me? Sure. But things change and confidence is gained along the way, not only mentally, but in more superficial ways as well (e.g. applying make-up).<br /><br />I also think your experience provides a good example of how different criticism men and women traditionally receive, and perhaps also how different responses can be for each gender, as well as area of criticism. Would you be sobbing if someone verbally tore your suit and tie a new asshole, even if they were your absolute favorite? Probably not, because appearance isn't as important in the male sphere. In the same respect, although I put a lot of time, effort, and value into working out, if someone commented negatively on my physical ability, it wouldn't so much sadden me but straight-up piss me off. However, if someone were to comment how stupid my hair looked and I'd spent a good deal of time on it, that would get to me. We're still definitely bound by gender roles, even if we don't want to be.Ashleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16391786468701848881noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-49282247105459956322013-07-05T10:24:42.921-04:002013-07-05T10:24:42.921-04:00I am so proud of you for being who you are. In bl...I am so proud of you for being who you are. In blog land, we are exposing ourselves in one of the bravest ways possible. Inviting opinions and feedback and sometimes one of those comments hits us right where we are most insecure. Just keep doing what you're doing. You will develop a thick skin for this too and there's nothing wrong with utilizing those traditionally masculine skills to defend your newly debuted feminine traits until you blossom into being fully secure in both. Alison @ Get Your Pretty Onhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18304386299393380146noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-13410392061895072222013-07-05T10:08:04.554-04:002013-07-05T10:08:04.554-04:00You are so brave, and I think that it's okay t...You are so brave, and I think that it's okay to cry like a little baby sometimes. I wish instead you having to toughen up, the rest of the world could soften down a little. Heidihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02757679752138734026noreply@blogger.com