tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post1208262890395012912..comments2024-03-27T21:17:11.920-04:00Comments on Shybiker: Can Men And Women Be Friends?Shybikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15263331247319768989noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-58480317220566091092012-10-28T14:41:53.480-04:002012-10-28T14:41:53.480-04:00Insightful response. Thank you.Insightful response. Thank you.Shybikerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15263331247319768989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-55871292062173451202012-10-28T14:30:04.723-04:002012-10-28T14:30:04.723-04:00I can see the study results reflecting the dynamic...I can see the study results reflecting the dynamics of our dominant culture, and therefore wish there was more exploration of the "why" of it, i.e. identifying those elements of dominant culture which perpetuate the study findings. Speaking in generalizations, my guess is that it's connected to women being valued based on appearance, and the grossness of male entitlement to women's bodies - mores we continue to be saturated in through mainstream media and its disproportionate platforms. <br /><br />Speaking on a personal level, I have been incredibly fortunate in my friendships with people of all genders. As Fuzzy mentions above, plenty of people have excellent boundaries. Many folks also have the capacity for critical reflection, perspective, and consciousness, as well as respect for relationships and the ability to offer genuine support rather than undermining or acting out of hidden self-interest. I love all of my smart, smart friends! But not in that way, and we can trust each other to manage our feelings of all kinds and enjoy the heck out of our functioning friendships. <br /><br />Thanks for another great discussion, Ally. Amber of Butane Anvilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17085975055424100573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-2035925976778734742012-10-27T23:20:01.233-04:002012-10-27T23:20:01.233-04:00This research doesn't surprise me and reinforc...This research doesn't surprise me and reinforces my hesitation to have friendships with straight men. I have many gay friends, so physical attraction isn't an issue. Great post!The Style Cronehttp://stylecrone.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-75186689520442683272012-10-27T22:58:06.122-04:002012-10-27T22:58:06.122-04:00I have had many platonic male friends over the yea...I have had many platonic male friends over the years, but I suppose there is some truth tho the study results. I always took the position that I don't concern myself about whether they "want more", I enjoy the friendship unless the guy makes it an issue.<br /><br />I don't have any "new" male friends since I got married, I figured out after awhile that it's just too much trouble. I still keep in touch with a few old friends, though.<br /><br />But you're in a category of your own :)lawyerdollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16499257623425215954noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-16859121169025080002012-10-27T19:27:09.690-04:002012-10-27T19:27:09.690-04:00Wow! This is all news to me. I don't really ha...Wow! This is all news to me. I don't really have any male friends, except for my husband. I guess he fell into that category described above and decided he wanted more than "friendship".Style Agent 909https://www.blogger.com/profile/01900026888364291557noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-31894987730653976102012-10-27T14:55:16.606-04:002012-10-27T14:55:16.606-04:00eep, I mean on EITHER side - not the other side! e...eep, I mean on EITHER side - not the other side! e.g. they didn't ALL fancy me! oh dear.Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12542227084829463384noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-87563621719021713832012-10-27T14:53:59.806-04:002012-10-27T14:53:59.806-04:00I haven't had male friends where there hasn...I haven't had male friends where there hasn't been some sort of attraction (declared or otherwise) on the other side. Male acquaintances yes, but not close friends.Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12542227084829463384noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-86596672968236748012012-10-27T11:31:16.360-04:002012-10-27T11:31:16.360-04:00I've always had more male friends than female ...I've always had more male friends than female friends even growing up. But, now I have more female friends relationships that I've built over the years. Both my bf and I have friends of the opposite sex, single and married. It's tough,but I think it only works if you both understand where the other is coming from. One of my oldest and best friend is male. FASHION TALEShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12964667264037413912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-82565339555229085172012-10-27T11:01:10.672-04:002012-10-27T11:01:10.672-04:00A long term and very special friendship ended beca...A long term and very special friendship ended because of this kind of confusion. I'm still sad and miss my friend awfully. I loved him so much, but it just wasn't 'that' kind of love. <br /><br />I do feel that if a man is honest up front and mature enough to handle that you only want to be friends, it can be special ... but its a precarious situation to be in and not easy to manage.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10435812178629895806noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-46356246447011381732012-10-27T00:36:54.474-04:002012-10-27T00:36:54.474-04:00I have this guy friend that I became friends with ...I have this guy friend that I became friends with long before I met my husband, and I may not have been clear about our just friends thing, but he fell hard for me and it was hard to just be friends. I think even today it's kind of weird for him to come to my kid's parties and for them to go see him play - who knows. <br />Xo <a href="http://www.tfdiaries.com/" rel="nofollow">Megan</a>Megan, TfDiaries.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07063699601858651282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-37192930625773013672012-10-26T18:37:02.750-04:002012-10-26T18:37:02.750-04:00really good post, very interesting :)
thanks for y...really good post, very interesting :)<br />thanks for your comment on my blog!<br />xoxo<br /><br />www.yourfashionmoment.comAndy Gonzálezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15320939937118777076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-72917175031147531542012-10-26T16:38:17.936-04:002012-10-26T16:38:17.936-04:00I think this is spot on. I can't tell you how ...I think this is spot on. I can't tell you how often I became friends with a male coworker only to find out down the road that his feelings were more than friendly. I wasalways caught off guard and this made for some awkward work situations. Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03327867239590918579noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-54582201908856876172012-10-26T16:30:44.396-04:002012-10-26T16:30:44.396-04:00Wow, that is some interesting findings. I think wo...Wow, that is some interesting findings. I think women (myself included) always think we can be friends without realizing the opposite sex develops more feelings than we do.<br />Daphne.<br />Fashion Confessions of a Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16610135535698412651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-5069855947776612242012-10-26T15:07:10.961-04:002012-10-26T15:07:10.961-04:00Completely. It's really hard for me to be &qu...Completely. It's really hard for me to be "just friends" with a guy because, most of the time, they want more. It makes it difficult for married women or those of us who just aren't looking for a relationship right now...guys won't give ya the time of day. It's a shame, because generally, I feel that I get along better with guys than ladies.Ashleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16391786468701848881noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-74833254265377016782012-10-26T14:29:47.727-04:002012-10-26T14:29:47.727-04:00Oh, men! I've never had a man as a bestie, exc...Oh, men! I've never had a man as a bestie, except Dear Hubby :)The Goodwill Fangirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05845712888337339929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-71848197913023359862012-10-26T13:29:24.645-04:002012-10-26T13:29:24.645-04:00If you are into blog awards at all, then pick up t...If you are into blog awards at all, then pick up this one ^^ :<br />http://rockteraptor.blogspot.fi/2012/10/awardsawards.htmlAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08774714614670643665noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-532516607837453192012-10-26T12:16:51.581-04:002012-10-26T12:16:51.581-04:00This makes me feel slightly uneasy as I see many o...This makes me feel slightly uneasy as I see many of my male friends like brothers and I hope they see me as a sister! :)<br /><br />But I have to give it to the opposite sex, how they sometimes overestimate the level of attraction. I think being a Man for the day would be very interesting! :D <br /><br />✽ GIVEAWAY MISSION BRIEFING ✽<br /><br />Accept if you wish :) at <b><a href="http://www.theguiltyhyena.com/2012/10/giveaway-secret-agents-i-met-and-liked.html" rel="nofollow">▲▲ HYENA</a></b><br /> <br /><br />Guiltyhyenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08546087337147515988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-5521728366210496362012-10-25T14:38:37.492-04:002012-10-25T14:38:37.492-04:00Yes, they do. I've been hurt many times by guy...Yes, they do. I've been hurt many times by guys who were my "friends" and then it turns out that they just wanted in my pants. I seem to only have male friends when I'm single, and it sucks. It doesn't help that I don't have any nearby female friends either (they all live over six hours away). So the only friend I have available is my boyfriend, so I end up hanging out with him and his friends.Cassynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-10242407632034044802012-10-25T13:01:18.456-04:002012-10-25T13:01:18.456-04:00In my own opinion I agree with these findings beca...In my own opinion I agree with these findings because I think men want that, or need that, connection in a way that women don't need it. I mean that women are in it for the communication fulfillment they get out of the friendship, while in my experience the men are in it for more physical and ego boosting reasons. Not to say anything bad about the male race, but from what I've read it closely matches what motivates women to have affairs vs. men.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-43211275425907299262012-10-25T12:11:29.842-04:002012-10-25T12:11:29.842-04:00I think it can work in some circumstances. I have...I think it can work in some circumstances. I have a very good friend who has adopted me as his little sister - but he is also a family friend who we've known for years and years. So I don't know if that makes a difference or not!Beth (Coffee Until Cocktails)https://www.blogger.com/profile/13966675621394412590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-8886411180720213812012-10-25T11:17:58.301-04:002012-10-25T11:17:58.301-04:00Do I think men & women can be friends? Short a...Do I think men & women can be friends? Short answer - Yes. I think it comes down to being friends with people who respect boundaries. <br /><br />I'm of the opinion that people who aren't in relationships that they cherish may be more apt to pursue someone or send out signals that they themselves are interested in flirting with possibility - but - those that are in relationships that they value deeply ~ the thought of someone else doesn't really enter into the equation. It would never be worth the potential sacrifice. Being part of a happy couple makes being platonic friends with the opposite sex pretty damned easy.<br /><br />Given my interest in a male dominated sport/activity I would say the majority of my friends are men. But, I am also friends with their wives and girlfriends as a result. I think my male friend see me as "me". Most of the time I don't think they see me as a woman at all. At least that is my perception. And I just see them as my dudes.<br /><br />If I looked like Angelina Jolie ~ well, maybe that would change things.<br />Fuzzyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11926326491566256210noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-16152912960409338912012-10-25T11:04:53.447-04:002012-10-25T11:04:53.447-04:00This can be seen as true, but not in my group of f...This can be seen as true, but not in my group of friends. Two of my closet male friends, Brian and Dan, we always joke that it would never happen and that we are not attracted to each other. At the Halloween party, Dan even said "Hey who is the hot blonde (I was wearing a wig) then said, oh, wait, it's just Sara". They both tell my female friends that they are attractive all of the time, but they know that they will never date or anything because they would all rather be friends. Sarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12497037707134979575noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-24874658382991050142012-10-25T10:54:17.455-04:002012-10-25T10:54:17.455-04:00This made me laugh. And with the exception of a fe...This made me laugh. And with the exception of a few prissy girls I know who assume EVERYONE is just in love with them, I think it holds pretty true. I tend to view my guy friends as "brotherly" with the express intent of not falling for them, but that's just because I'm in an LTR.Emmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01034234729214154096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-74099587930264589952012-10-25T10:44:05.942-04:002012-10-25T10:44:05.942-04:00I've always been someone with guy best friends...I've always been someone with guy best friends, moreso then female--going back to childhood. Maybe because I was a bit of a tomboy and have always had a "typically guy thinking" brain--I never was too intersted in girls going to the mall and then paininting each other's nails. <br />As a design engineer, I've worked in a predominately male environment so maybe the lack of females kinda forced the issue. Never really thought about it much.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885867892898159023.post-54642368580395115222012-10-25T09:54:42.583-04:002012-10-25T09:54:42.583-04:00Your personal experiences, of being alone or with ...Your personal experiences, of being alone or with few female colleagues in a profession of largely-men, give you heightened authority to speak on this subject. Thank you for sharing, pal.Shybikerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15263331247319768989noreply@blogger.com